On Saturday night, I went to the grocery store. Before I left the house, I asked if anyone wanted to go with me.
My husband and Cortlen ignored me (they were watching a football game). Camber came into the room with a brush, a bottle of hair spray, and two packages of glittery hair clips.
"I would go, but I have things to do," she explained, jabbing a clip into my husband's scalp.
I didn't really want to take Kellen because he looked like a homeless person, but by the time I found my keys, he was already in the car.
The drive to the grocery store took exactly three minutes...plenty of time, I learned, to have a conversation about just everything in the entire planet.
Kellen: "Do you know what? I wouldn't go walking in the woods right now. You wouldn't be able to see a panther because it's so dark. Isn't that crazy?"
Me: "Why are we talking about panthers?"
Kellen: "Do you know what else mom? Do you know what? A boy in my class got sent to the principal's office last week. Did you know that?"
Me: "I wasn't aware."
Kellen: "Do you know what isn't a smart idea? Shaving off half of your mustache and leaving the other half still on your face!"
(ten seconds later)
"Do you know what? I ate something out of the trashcan today when you weren't looking. I feel bad about that. Do you know why? Because eating out of the trashcan is disgusting and I lied."
Me: "I'm still thinking about panthers."
Kellen: "Do you know what?"
Me: "Please try not to say that so much. It's unnecessary."
Kellen: "Ok, Mom. I'll try. Do you know what?"
Me: "Chicken butt."
Kellen: "That wasn't what I was going to say."
Me: "Oh. Sorry."
Kellen: "Do you know what? If you snort a kidney bean up your nose, it might get stuck there or go into your brain and kill you."
After 20 more minutes of this, I started to ask around about kidney beans; namely, where they were in the grocery store and if they carried any large enough for an adult to snort.
Kellen: "Do you know what? If a rabid dog bites you, you have to get three shots in your arm that are as thick as peanut butter. Did you know that?"
My son used to say "Guess what?" before EVERY sentence he uttered. I almost lost my mind. Luckily that stage only lasted for about a year (translation: a short eternity).
ReplyDeleteYou have to give the kid credit though. Children who are always competing with siblings for "air time" love that one-on-one "conversation" with a captive audience. Sorry you almost had to put a fork in your brain, but I bet he loved it.
Awwww! He needed some mommy-time! So adorable. :D
ReplyDeleteMy kids will do that when they have me trapped too!
ReplyDeletemy little cousins used to say "and even" after everything. it'd go something like this:
ReplyDelete"today i went to the park and went on the slide. and even, i saw a dog."
it was the cutest!
Thanks for posting this! It's just what I needed to hear! My son is going through the same phase right now and sometimes I just go crazy!!!! Seeing that I'm not the only one and hearing your point of view (which is exactly what usually goes through my mind) was refreshing! Thanks for sharing! I LOVE you blog!
ReplyDeleteMy boys will say "I have a question" then make a statement.
ReplyDeleteSomeday they'll learn the difference...
OH my gosh, this is hysterical!! The chicken butt made me laugh out loud!! The "do you know what's?" haven't come to our house, but here's what has:
ReplyDeleteMommy: Wow, that's a big tree!
3 year old: How do you SPELL tree?
Mommy: T-R-E-E
Mommy: Look, it's snowing!
3 year old: How do you SPELL snowing?
:) It NEVER ENDS!! How do you spell never ends?
You almost sound like a hostage with Stockholm syndrome.
ReplyDeleteOh, it's so nice to know I'm not the only one who gets annoyed with my kids sometimes. I mean, I love them, and I love being with them, but sometimes...
ReplyDeleteOne of my daughters started using 'like' when she was in college, like, every other word, like, had to have the word like in front of, like or behind it, like it made any difference, like to the sentence! The other kids, older and younger, noticed it too. Eventually, she stopped using it so much.
ReplyDeleteBut this weekend I just noticed my last daughter, a high school senior, is starting to use the word like!! Here we go again.
I don't know where kids get this stuff but I find it incredibly entertaining. Except when it is my kids and I have to listen to it 24 hours a day. My almost four year old starts every sentence with "I guess". As in: "I guess I need to go potty" "I guess we should have pizza for dinner" "I guess I hit Calvin" "I guess I love you"
ReplyDeleteI seriously laughed out loud at the "chicken butt" comment because I know that will come out of my mouth when my kids pick up "guess what?"
hahaha YES I have been told that many many times.
ReplyDeleteI love that you said, "Chicken Butt".
ReplyDeleteI lvoe everything he told you...so funny!
ReplyDeleteGuess what? is the sentence starter of choice at our house these days. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteWhen my 3 year old son tells me things he thinks are awesome, he always ends it with, "Did you know that?" and when he wants something specific for dinner or wants to do something he'll say, "should we make pizza/go to the park/play a game? etc." I know he got these phrases from my husband and me and usually it's pretty cute, but when he says the same things all the time, it gets a little old! Even though they can be annoying, I know these conversations and being listened to are important to him.
ReplyDeleteOh, that is too funny!! Painfully funny, in fact, bc that is exactly how Gideon starts every sentence... and any one of those sentences could come out of his mouth! Being in the car is especially painful since his 2 year-old brother doesn't listen very well and I'm trapped. I miss your cute kids!
ReplyDeleteFor a while, my daughter started every sentence with, "I'mma tell you a question"...
ReplyDeleteI also routinely am accompanied to the store by homeless looking children. One time I scandalized an old lady at the store because I parked my cart at the beginning of the aisle and was wandering away from it while my child yelled "mommy mommy mommmy mommy!" I yelled back, "Where IS your mother?" haha
My siblings and I went through a "Do you know what" stage, and my parents hit us right back. Every time we asked that they would interrupt us and say, "No, I don't know what. But I know who, and I have always wanted to meet why." And THAT irritated US so much that we stopped saying it so they would stop saying that. It might be worth a try...
ReplyDeleteHahaha. That is funny.
ReplyDeleteMy little brother used to tell me stories like this:
"Guess what! Lindsey... Lindsey Guess what!"
"What?"
"Guess what Lindsey! Lindsey guess what!"
"WHAT?"
"One time, Lindsey, one time. One time... One time, well, this one time, Lindsey, one time,"
"yes Jake, one time..."
"well guess what Lindsey one time, this one time. Well guess what happened. Well this one time Lindsey..."
I am not even exaggerating.
He is twelve now. I still tease him about it.
We went through that stage! So funny! My older sister said the chiken butt thing to my oldest daughter when she was 3! She was not amused then, but laughs out loud now!!!!
ReplyDeleteRight this very second, I am hearing: "Mom, guess what...." I try to guess, but it isn't very funny to her. More frustrating I think. :)
ReplyDeleteAhhh and you were screaming inside weren't you?!?!
ReplyDeleteMy son always said, "can i ask you somethin'?" Every time for about a year!!!! It will pass.
ReplyDeleteat my house my two youngest,7 & 3 are always saying "let me guess, ..." It is so funny. My husband and i were just laughing about that the other night. My kids are the same way, if they get one of us one-on-one, we learn an aweful lot of information during that time.
ReplyDeleteLove your blog. It makes me giggle.
Well, you certainly can't say it was a boring conversation. ;)
ReplyDeleteMy son is in that stage. Except that he begins every sentence with "Just to let you know . . ." in a very condescending tone. It's awesome.
ReplyDeleteJana, you just gave me a belly laugh like i haven't had in a while...thank you!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteMy little gal hasn't ever gone over 13 seconds without making some sort of noise, mostly talking. We've timed it. That's only while she's awake, who knows what happens while she's sleeping.
ReplyDeleteMy 14 year old step-daughter starts most conversations with "Guess what" or "Ya know what?" I say "chicken butt" most of the time. "That is not funny" is the response I get most often.
ReplyDeleteToo much Space Ghost Coast to Coast. BRAK!!! :)
Conversations in our home consist of "guess what"
ReplyDeleteDaughter: Mom, guess what?
Me: You are wearing your brothers underwear?
Daughter: NO!!
Me: You are wearing your Dad's underware?
Daughter: MOM stop!!!
Me: You told me to guess!!
Son: Mom, guess what?
Me: You are wearing your sisters underware?
Son: MOM!!!
Me: You are wearing MY underware?
Son: MOM!!
Me: Then try that sentence again or I get to keep guessing!
It works for me! I get to annoy the crap out of them and it totally entertains me!
-RaeRae (still need to figure out my dang Google Pswrd)
I love the suggestions for driving them equally crazy!
ReplyDeleteMy 4 year old is just into asking, "mama?" before he'll start any thought, even if he was just talking to me, and I'm the only one there. It drives me crazy to hear "Mama?" All. The. Time. Makes me want to change my name, but I am glad he wants to talk to me. I'm sure someday he won't and I'll miss it.
My 7 year old son likes to play the "What if" game all the time. "Mommy, what if a bomb exploded, what if I could fly, what if we could breathe under water, what if, what if, what if. . . " - and he expects me to answer all of these scenarios.
ReplyDeleteWhen my daughter was about 4 we were driving home from a camping trip and she talked non-stop. Her brother fell asleep but she kept talking and talking and talking. It was a 4 1/2 hour drive and she finally stopped about a half hour before we got home when she fell asleep. We looked at each other when it was finally silent and cracked up. We seriously considered continuing to drive just so we wouldn't have to wake her up.
Like Steph, My now 13 year old used to say "Hey (insert name here), GUESS WHAT?!" before every sentence. He just about drove our friend Scotty in Mexico insane one year. Looking back it was really cute, but while he was doing it, it was absolutely annoying beyond belief!
ReplyDeleteRemember when it was the sweetest sound a child could make when it first started to say "mama"...
ReplyDeleteThen they start to speak in whole sentences and every dang one starts with Mama, this and Mama that. It didn't even matter that there was no one else in the room or that you were not busy doing anything else but speaking to your child. Yet, they still seemed to think they needed to get your undivided attention every 2 seconds or so by saying Mama...
Can someone hand me one of those beans too?
Ha! I'm a teacher and I hear "guess what" about a million times a day and EVERY. TIME. I am so tempted to say "chicken butt!" You crack me up!
ReplyDeleteThat is too cute =] Would have driven me completely insane, but cute none the less!
ReplyDeleteDo you know what? He sounds just like my 6 year old son, did you know that? Now, did you get enough kidney beans to share?
ReplyDeleteI could NOT stop laughing at this post. This will keep me going for a really long time.... oh my goodness!
ReplyDeleteI so LOVE that you stated he looked like a homeless person! I so needed to hear that other's kids go through that too. Sweet post!!
ReplyDelete