This morning I cleaned all the bathrooms. In my underwear. I did this to avoid getting bleach stains on what's left of my already paltry summer wardrobe.
Due to an unfortunate crayon-in-the-dryer incident a few weeks back, I've had more casualties this season than usual. But that's another story...
While I was scrubbing mysterious green stains off the bottom of my sons' bathtub, the doorbell rang. All my older kids were locked in a room playing a Wii that I rented from the library. Cameron was spraying Windex onto the tile floor next to me.
"Oh!" he said when he heard the noise and hopped to this feet.
"Don't answer the door," I told him.
Of course he did anyway.
To his credit, the UPS man did not step foot inside my house. Unfortunately, he didn't need to. I still don't have blinds on the windows on either side of my front door.
"Just leave it on the doorstep," I called out as I dove to the ground.
The UPS man must be used to seeing naked and semi-naked housewives because he told me without flinching that he would close his eyes while he passed me the contraption that I needed to sign.
I was sufficiently mortified.
"Cameron!" I hissed when I closed the door. "That's why I don't want you opening doors."
That's also why I need to suck it up and buy the blinds and/or clean the bathrooms less frequently.
Because nobody needs to see that.
Whoops!
ReplyDeleteThe other afternoon I had just gotten out of the shower when there was a knock. My dogs went crazy but I wasn't about to answer it. About two minutes went by and I snuck down the stairs, eying the front door the entire time, until I figured the coast was clear. I made my way to the kitchen when I realized the knock came from our back door and there stood our neighbor *blush*
That's rough. Maybe... a bathrobe for quick changes?
ReplyDeleteThat is a good UPS man. :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband is a UPS man. Your sitauation is not uncommon, and he's pretty used to it. No need to be too embarrassed. You'd be surprised what people open the door wearing purposefully.
ReplyDeleteAhh...I do so remember the crayon in the dryer days...but look at it this way, it could have been your father in law! ;)
ReplyDeleteI'd say clean the bathrooms less frequently. Better safe than sorry!
ReplyDeleteOh my, yep, your father-in-law would have been MUCH worse!
ReplyDeleteStory: My grandmum was out gardening waiting for my other grandmum to come pick her up so they could go visiting. Grandmum #1 heard the car pull up and looked over to see Grandmum #2 shouting out her window. When she finally composed herself enough to roll down the window, Grandmum #2 said, "Iris! You have no skirt on!"
ReplyDeleteNothing like seeing a 300 pound, 68-year-old woman bent over in naught but her undies.
My dad is a UPS man and he has some pretty interesting stories about things he has seen! My favorite story is the naked sunbather....we live in Oregon, not really a place you would expect that!
ReplyDeleteWhile breastfeeding my youngest at home someone started banging repeatedly on the door that goes from our kitchen into the garage. Thinking it was my oldest and Hubby who had been grocery shopping and their hands must be full of bags I rushed to the door (topless) and threw it wide open only to discover the next door neighbors 4 children looking for my daughter to play. Still not sure why they didn't use the front door but having to explain what happened to their parents was very embarrasing.
ReplyDeleteLol! Yea- best not to answer the door :)
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! I've had nightmares about such scenarios.
ReplyDeleteWere they backwards?
ReplyDeleteSkip the blinds. Go for adhesive window film. My semi naked relationship with the neighborhood UPS man is legendary.
ReplyDeletehttp://themiddlebit.blogspot.com/2009/09/note-to-self-do-delicates.html
WTG on the kid wi the Windx though...whoot!
I was in the shower one day and my 3-year-old comes in to tell me someone is at the door. I said "CLOSE IT AND NEVER OPEN IT WHEN I'M IN THE SHOWER AGAIN!" Then I thought it might be a kidnapper so I wrapped up in a towel and ran out to find the DHL delivery guy standing outside my wide-open front door. He goes "Hey, at least you have a towel." I said "You've already seen it, I'm just going to sign." That's when we invested in high-up locks that my boys can't reach.
ReplyDeleteI literally LOLed at this story... Then I shared the link on fb. :) I am so glad that you are willing to share these stories with all of us. And to think that I am mortified to answer the door in my PJ's at 3pm never again!
ReplyDeleteI sleep in my underwear. One evening, late, after I was in bed, I heard my grownup son come in. Since I needed to share a phone message with him, I dragged myself out of bed and over to the door. My bedroom opens onto a landing over our entryway, and as I stepped out to grab his attention, it never occurred to me that he might not be alone...his best friend blushed the prettiest shade of pink...I'm sure it matched my own.
ReplyDeleteSandy
Have you thought about gathering all of these great posts into a book? Would make a great "Pooper Book". One can read a few entries every time they are in the bathroom! You could sell millions because you are so funny.
ReplyDeleteThanks all of you for a belly laughing morning! It is 1/4 to 7 and I am sitting here with a smile. So thanks! This story made me laugh and laugh! I clean my tub the same way. Drop the skirt, and scrub so i don't get bleach on anything. Hard lesson learned. Though, I usually keep cloths on hand so I can jump into them in case the UPS guy comes to the door! : )
ReplyDeleteOur UPS guy must have seen lots of crazy, too...especially when the girls were tiny, I would easily open the door with mismatched pajamas, crazy hair, and spit-up dripping. Neither he nor the mailman seemed to give it a second thought. I wonder if it's part of their training? ;)
ReplyDeleteI say start cleaning with vinegar...
ReplyDeletetry stain devils. they are tiiiiiiiiiiiny yellow bottles from heaven. they have very exact stain disasters they clean up. they do sell a crayon formula. they should sell them at walmart, if not google and buy it. it once removed a year old cocoa stain. i used the chocolate formula, of course.
ReplyDeleteWhat a gentlemen! I have a similar open door situation at my house. Good thing I don't clean in my underwear.
ReplyDeleteI work from home & start at around 5am so the desire to get dressed is slim to none, especially since it's generally just my 1 1/2 yr old around. I've had quite a few times when I've had to scramble to get a bra/shirt on because the UPS man was at the door. I'm just waiting for the one time I forget & simply open the door. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed at your proper use of the apostrophe in the phrase "sons' bathroom."
ReplyDeleteApostrophe errors are my pet peeve. I will be a fan of your blog forever now!
Oh, and I forgot to ask if you have had similar mishaps when your children answer the phone. Once I was in the bathroom when the phone rang and I BEGGED my 3 yr old not to answer. But she did anyway, and informed the caller that I was pooping. Great. I'm still not sure who it was on the phone. I hope I never know.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is a UPS driver...he says people open the door wearing (or not wearing) interesting ensembles.
ReplyDeleteHaha! That is so funny! You have the best stories!!!
ReplyDeletewww.gavinandlauren.blogspot.com
once, when i lived at home with my mom and sisters, i got out of the shower and headed downstairs (towel on my head, not my body) to my room in the basement. the catch? my mother neglected to let me know the cable guy was there, and saw my entire journey. another time, i stepped into the hallway (again, towel on head) at the precise moment my sister's boyfriend was also stepping into the hallway. we both froze in horror, and then in my panic i turned and ran down the stairs instead of stepping back into the bathroom. that was about 6 years ago and my family still won't let me live it down.
ReplyDeletemoral of the story: it happens to the best of us. either that, or i should forget about drying my hair and cover up, for god's sake! :)
maybe you should have worn your underwear backwards, like the kids. :)
ReplyDeleteI've had similar experiences. Why can't kids understand we're serious about not answering that doorbell!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, another one that caused my kids to yell, "Mom! WHAT is so FUNNY?" I see someone else is encouraging you to write a book... I'm tellin' ya, BIG BUCKS! Your stories are so legendary... someone recalling the father-in-law story cracked me up! That was THE BEST... well, for us, not for you. :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI have had a shirt or ten bite the dust from bathroom bleaching instances. Now I just put an apron on and clean in that. (I do wear clothes under it, or it wouldn't be much better than your own situation). It has saved the rest of my clothes...so far.
ReplyDeleteBahaha! :) Love this!
ReplyDeleteI'm in the habit of putting on a fairly ratty old night gown and just surviving the day without exiting the house. My kids play outside and come when I call (thank goodness!). But recently, my father in law has started dropping by randomly. Coincidentally, I've also started wearing lounge clothes more often than the old nightie. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the UPS man has lots of good stories. My mom once forgot to tell me that she'd hired window washers. I stepped out of the shower to find an unexpected visitor looking right into my bathroom window (going about his business, of course:)
ReplyDeleteAlso, thankfully our kind of underwear aren't too exciting to look at anyway:)
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious! I laughed out loud at the thought of you diving out of the UPS guy's sight. tee heeee heee..still laughing.
ReplyDeleteTwo days ago I had on just my bra and underwear and decided to dash downstairs to get my clothes from the laundry room. No problem, everyone else is still sleeping, right? Wrong! My 22 year old nephew had gotten up early to catch up on email before work. I'll probably have to pay for counseling for him...
ReplyDeleteI had a similar crayon incident a few years ago. I washed the load of clothes again using the hottest water setting on my machine and Tide soap for cold water. It took out all the stains.
ReplyDeleteLove you! You're hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I clean the bathroom in my swim suit.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend whose toddler answered the door while my friend was on the toilet -- the bathroom was a straight shot from the front door, and she had it open so the toddler wouldn't get scared.
I knew someone who locked herself out of her house in her underwear when she went out to grab the newspaper. She had to hang out for eight hours for someone to come home.
The title alone had me burst out laughing. I track my packages like crazy, frequenting the websites and entering my tracking # so I will know exactly when my package will arrive so that I can be fully dressed, hair done, and even some dab on some makeup because no way am I going to answer a door in my pj's or 'arround the house' clothes.
ReplyDeletehi BeckyB.West this is ur child so cute.
ReplyDelete