Blog Snobs

A few weeks back, I received an invitation to a blogger event in New York City. Although I was flattered to be included on the guest list, the thought of making small talk with a bunch of prominent mom bloggers for the day was as appealing as the thought of impaling oneself with a sharp stick.

The invitation in question was on the fast track to my Trash folder when I happened to notice the words "spa" and "massage" in it.

"You know, I think I might go to this one," I told my husband. As a general rule, I'm not a big fan of being touched by strangers, especially while in a state of semi-undress. I make exceptions for strangers who work as massage therapists in fancy hotels.

Yesterday was the big day. The minute I walked into the hotel lobby, I saw them. The other bloggers filled two sofas and a love seat and jabbered away like schoolgirls. At the end of each sentence, they paused momentarily to take pictures of themselves and/or Tweet about what they just ate for lunch.

I decided to bite the bullet. "Hello,"I said, introducing myself to the crowd. A few heads looked up from their cell phones.
"What's your blog?" one woman asked.
After I told her, the woman shrugged her shoulders. "Never heard of it." She went on to tell me the name of her blog, which I had heard of. "I was just on the Today Show," she continued.

After a few more introductions, I realized that I was the only mom blogger in attendance who A) had more than one child by choice B) didn't have a business card and C) hadn't been on a national morning news program.

"How many kids do you have?" one blogger asked me.
When I said "four," she visibly recoiled in horror.

The woman and her friends warmed up to me considerably after learning that I was once almost on The Oprah Show. One even invited me to sit with them.

I declined.

"Run now as fast as you can," said the sane, rational voice inside my head.
"Run after you get the massage," said the glutton for punishment.

After a few minutes, a woman from the hotel took all of us down to the hotel spa, where we were instructed to shower and put on our swimsuits. We were instructed to reconvene in the lobby of the spa in 10 minutes without our cell phones. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth followed.

In the changing room, I met a woman who made me think that I had jumped to conclusions prematurely. Sallee was friendly, warm, sincere, and hadn't been on Good Morning America ever. As it turned out, she was not a blogger herself, but rather the personal assistant to another blogger who had a last minute change of plans and couldn't attend the event. Sallee was a place holder.

I liked Sallee the minute I met her. I liked her even more when she leaned over and whispered into my ear the exact same thing that I was thinking; namely, that despite having glow-in-the dark skin, both of us looked better in our swimsuits than most of the other bloggers did in theirs.

Tee Hee!

CLEARLY that doesn't say much. But still, it was something to cling to while being subjected to an endless stream of stories about Matt Lauer.