Given the fact that my current swimsuit is older than all of my children, most of the people around me wish that I was seized with that impulse a lot earlier.
When my husband came home from work tonight, he was met at the door by his male offspring. My daughter and I were already backing down the driveway.
We headed straight to Target, where I knew that I would be guaranteed to feel matronly by wanting a suit that looks best on prepubescent teens.
Sure enough, there was a large collection of mix-and-match swimwear on the racks that fit the bill. "Find a top that goes with these bottoms," I told my daughter, holding up a pair of tankini bottoms in my size. She returned a few minutes later with a halter top with cups that could hold grapefruits. "This is all they have left," she said.
I tried it on just in case my depth perception was a little off.
It wasn't.
"You know Camber," I said, as I struggled to squirm into another suit, "I think their sizing is a little off here. I'm trying on swimsuits that are the same size as the one that I have at home and these are all way too tight."
The dressing room attendant overhead me complaining to my daughter about their excessively harsh and unforgiving dressing room lighting and suggested that I try a different swimsuit brand.
Transitioning from Mossimo to Merona is very hard.
In the end, it proved too much to bear. I had to get out of there fast. A few minutes later, we wandered into a nearby Marshalls.
"Try this one on," my daughter begged. She handed me a black and white polka dot swimsuit.
My daughter clapped her hands in joy when I came out of the dressing room. "You look just like a Dalmatian!" she screamed.
That compliment alone should have been cause enough to put the swimsuit back on the rack. However, by that point, I had decided to sacrifice fashion and quizzical stares from total strangers for comfort. The bottoms go almost up to my belly button! I have never worn something so heavenly in my entire life.
My husband almost gagged when he saw the suit.
Fortunately, I had the good sense to cut the tags off before coming in the house.
Ha!Ha!Ha! I laughed my guts out-only because the same thing happens to me every time I have to A. Shop with my daughter B. Buy a swim suit and C. Show the new item to my hubby:)
ReplyDeletePhew! Glad you finally found one to fit. I was beginning to think you might just have to stick to swimming at a Naturists' Beach.
ReplyDeleteLove your comment about "depth perception". Now I can fool myself into thinking that I don't really have AA cups - just poor depth perception. I like it!
If you are really looking for a good swimsuit that will last a few years try hapari.com They are a little more expensive but mine has lasted four years. They are awesome.
ReplyDeleteHate to say it but I went Lands End this year for swimsuits...no stress on the fit and the styles aren't too old...just couldn't handle the teeny weeny pressure of Target
ReplyDeleteI'm with AZLB. Land's End is totally the way to go. And, you won't ever have to buy another swimsuit because it will last forever. Unless your car window is smashed by jerks who can't be bothered to earn their own paychecks and buy their own stuff. Then, you'll have to buy another one about 2 weeks after you bought the first one and only wore it once. But then, after THAT, you won't ever have to buy another one...
ReplyDeleteI can't shop for suits at Target. The only ones that fit are ugly. Like tacky print ugly.
ReplyDeleteI found my favorites at Downeast Basics: http://www.downeastbasics.com/swim.aspx
*glazes over* - I loath shopping for swimming suits. I have managed to purchase one that looks like I was attacked by a giant mango of sorts... or perhaps a seagull that craps something of an orange-ish nature... at least if I were lost at sea, the coast guard could find me. I also have a blue version of the same suit... my favorite part of any swimming suit is the cup line... how it manages to rise up about mid-hooteriage leaving half my breast sagging below the under wire while the other half of self lingers some where out side of the boundaries. I sport a pair of shorts and a t-shirt now... if I get busted by the water slide park for wearing people clothes in the pool, I just tell them, "I fell in".
ReplyDeleteI like Merona! And I'm nineteen.... should I be concerned?
ReplyDeleteBuuut I always get compliments on my merona dress!
I laughed so hard I snorted like Fran Drescher when I got to the Dalmatian part.
ReplyDelete(hee hee hee hee)
Will you be going by Perdita from now on?
As a fellow non-native Floridian, I feel your pain. I'm in a swimsuit way more than I want to be. You also have to shave your legs more often down here, which is no fun either!
ReplyDeleteMy new favorite swim wear item: a sun protection shirt/ rashguard! It kind of looks cool and covers up my mushy tummy, and of course, is good for my skin, too.
I am 21 years old and shopped at Lands End this summer for a bathing suit (having D cups means you can't shop at the mall) and bought a cute basic black bikini, and it ROCKS. And my top was $25. I bought the bottoms from Target last year. And I don't feel like a grandma.
ReplyDeleteTry finding a swimsuit when you are 5 months preggo, not fun. Not to mention that my belly is not that big but when I put on the flowing maternity suits, I look 10 months pregnant!!
ReplyDeleteI just went through this same exact thing. I will never shop at another Target for clothes. Ever ever ever. I am not a large person. Not incredibly skinny, but not large. I am about 5'6" and weigh 130 pounds, which puts me at a size 6 at EVERY store out there. Every single one. Except target. Apparently by their standards I am a size 11. And on Saturday when I went to find a suit, the only bottoms that fit me were EXTRA large! EXTRA!!!! The large fit, but gave me muffin top. What??? I left promptly after my 15th bathing suit didn't fit and went directly to Old Navy. Where I bought a medium suit that fit perfectly. I now officially hate Target.
ReplyDeleteI buy all my swimsuits at Kohl's or JcPenney and I don't care if it makes me an old lady.
ReplyDeleteI just buy black skirted bottoms because that's what all the other 30-45 year old moms wear at the pool we go to - except for like 1 or 2 who must have been dieting/tanning all winter and now want to show off their "I have 5 kids but I'm still hot because I got a belly ring" bodies.
Then for the top, I just try to find one that's cute and I can actually do laps in - so no ties, just straps. Kohl's carries Nike swimsuits that are mix and match, so their tops usually work for me.
One time though, I thought I'd be all sexy and I bought one that tied around the neck and revealed more than the sporty ones I usually buy. My then 8 year old son gasped at me in horror and said there was no way I could wear that to the pool with him because it showed the "crack between my breasts" and he didn't want his friends to see. LOL
I did the same thing on Monday night. I stopped at Marshals first then went to Target, tried on a total of 12 suits and bought a chocolate bar instead.
ReplyDeletego check out the beautiful suits at shabbyapple.com. The swim line is new this year and it will change your life!
ReplyDeleteI don't routinely shop at Victoria Secret but they have great fitting tankinis and different style bottoms. I avoid the halter top types because they can be too busty but the other styles that cross in back are nice. Good luck shopping.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. I live in CA and I hate shopping for a suit. I have had the same one for a couple years. I love Merona!
ReplyDeleteOMG... Thank you so much. I loved the post, it made me feel so much better. Most of all, I checked out Shabby Apple as Athena suggested, and I am in LOVE!!!!! THANK YOU! They are so reasonably priced as well. This is why I adore blogging!
ReplyDeleteI HATE shopping for a suit. I do not mind shopping for the top, it is the bottom that I hate.
ReplyDeleteROFL!! The pain...I feel the pain...my stomach is in knots just thinking about swimsuit shopping! I have to say, at 38, I have great luck at JCPenney and Kohls...got a great navy blue tankini this year, with a "flapper" kind of "old hollywood" vibe...even my BFF went and bought it...and you KNOW if you can get someone else to buy what you're wearing, you have to look pretty hot!
ReplyDeleteI can't add anything funny and whitty cause you said it all...you crack me up like no one else!! Thanks for blogging!!!!
Sweetie, this is what online shopping is for. Hasn't anyone told you that if you buy it online or in the catalog, then try it on in a room with no mirrors, you'll look just like the 8' waifs who modeled your suit?
ReplyDeleteBTW, voted two days in a row so far. You are awesome.
Please tell me that that body, free from stretchmarks, is not yours.
ReplyDeleteAnother vote for Lands End. You can even put in your measurements and body shape on their website and virtually try on the suits (I only lied a little on mine).
ReplyDeleteI just bought a suit from www.athleta.com. Love it! Their sizing is perfect.
ReplyDeleteThe last swimsuit I bought was for our honeymoon...in 1999. (We don't tend to vacation at the beach, so it hasn't been a big deal.) However, ahead of our first trip with the babes, I knew I had to take the plunge and buy a new suit.
ReplyDeleteI lost the baby weight long ago, but "things" just aren't the same...
I settled for a Nike tankini, figuring that everyone looks flat in a sports bra, right?!!