My Spray-On Life

Quite unexpectedly, I have become the object of ridicule/admiration in my neighborhood...all because I have been spray painting my brass door hardware.

"Oh my gosh! Are you spray painting your doorknobs?" One of my neighbors asked me this as she stood on the sidewalk and watched me spray paint my door knobs on the grass.

"I think so," I replied without looking up.

Of course, the question that she really wanted to ask but didn't was "WHY are you spray painting your door knobs?" Instead, the woman faux complimented me on my ingenuity and wondered out loud what it would be like to have a house full of painted door knobs.

After a lengthy internal dialogue, the woman concluded that it would be weird.

That was yesterday. Today no fewer than 7 of my neighbor's friends have engaged me in conversation about painted door knobs. All of the women have already swapped out their brass hardware for something more desirable. They wanted to inspect my door knobs to validate their decision to spend $1000 on new hinges.

I denied their request to tour my house, citing irreconcilable differences. I'm not sure what "irreconcilable differences" means in relation to door knobs, but it sounds authoritative and that's why I used it.

The woman who lives directly across the street was the last person to hear about the doorknobs. She has a job outside the home, and thus doesn't love her children. She also has a moral problem with paying $1000 for different colored hardware.

"Can I write down the name of the spray paint that you are using?" she asked me tonight. I studied the woman carefully, looking for signs of disgust. Only people with bad morals paint their door knobs. And mow their own lawns.

The woman smiled at me and said she had big plans for her kitchen cabinet pulls. When she told me this, I invited her in to see all of my formerly white ceiling fans.

When the woman left, I gave her one of my cans of oil-rubbed bronze spray paint as a parting gift.

When I closed the front door, my husband observed something that I hadn't noticed.

"You made a friend," he said.

*****
Here's what I'm using:

Krylon Brushed Metallic Satin Oil-Rubbed Bronze Spray Paint
Got it at Wal-Mart for $3.88/can. Works like a dream.