The Dress With Sleeves

With astoundingly few exceptions, I will purchase and wear any dress that fulfills the following requirements:

* Costs less than $30.00
* Has sleeves
* Does not require me to wear a camisole/tank top underneath it to hide my imaginary cleavage
* Hits the knee
* Is not made by Laura Ashley

Finding a dress that meets all of these requisites is nearly impossible. Which is why I practically did a cartwheel the other day when, in the middle of Marshalls, I stumbled across this gem:

The top was fine. I was willing to overlook the weird pooching on both sides of the skirt because I live in a constant state of denial that things on the rack will look dramatically better once they are on my body.

I rarely try things on in stores anymore for a couple reasons: a) I almost always have my children with me and b) The lighting in the dressing rooms gives the false illusion that I have wrinkles and need to get my hair colored.

Into the cart it went.

I tried on the dress the minute that I got home. It was comfortable, but it didn't look quite right pulled down to my kneecaps.

For $19.99, I wasn't sure that I cared.

I decided to ask my neighbor what she thought.

"I think you can do better," she said when I modeled the dress for her in her living room.

This is a nice way of saying that I looked gross.

I was on my way to the bathroom to change when the woman's teenage daughter popped her head out of her bedroom.

"Hmm," she said when she saw me. Without a word, she walked over to me and hiked up the bottom half of my dress.

Of course, I felt violated.

"Much better," she said.

That's how I learned that my knee-length dress is supposed to be a mini-skirt.