I knew it was going to be a bad morning when the head swim instructor announced that it was "safety day" at swim lessons. The 40 minutes that my kids spend each morning driving their swim instructor crazy are the only 40 minutes out of the day when they aren't driving me crazy. Needless to say, I do not surrender this free time without a fight. My resistance to parenting my offspring between 9:10-9:50am is why I deliberately ignored the swim teacher's request for parental attendance at her safety lesson and why I instead parked myself in a lawn chair at the snack bar.
While all of the other moms dutifully rehearsed the "3 rules of swimming safety," I watched a colony of ants try to carry off a sticky ice cream wrapper. I was very happy.
My moment of R&R was interrupted first, by two boys who decided to play "hot potato" with a Nerf football inches from where I was sitting, and second, by the swim instructor's introduction of Mr. Freddy.
Freddy the Frog, I learned, is the official water safety puppet of the community pool. I hated him the moment that I laid eyes on him, mostly because I had a bad feeling that he was going make me dislodge my butt cheeks from my very comfortable lawn chair.
"Mr. Freddy wants ALL of the moms to practice rescuing their children from the pool," said the puppet. He was looking straight at me.
Crap.
I reluctantly joined the herd of women and children at the pool's edge, where I was handed an empty milk jug attached to a rope. At first I turned down the gift because I thought that acceptance of it would require me to actually get into the pool, something that I swore at the beginning of the swim season never to do. A teenage swim instructor must have read my mind, because she assured me that I didn't have to get wet if I didn't want to. I could throw the milk jug to my kids (who were pretending to drown) from the side of the pool.
After three successful rescues, Mr. Freddy reappeared to praise me as an "involved" mother. I didn't actually hear the congratulations though, because by that point, I was half way back to the snack bar.
While all of the other moms dutifully rehearsed the "3 rules of swimming safety," I watched a colony of ants try to carry off a sticky ice cream wrapper. I was very happy.
My moment of R&R was interrupted first, by two boys who decided to play "hot potato" with a Nerf football inches from where I was sitting, and second, by the swim instructor's introduction of Mr. Freddy.
Freddy the Frog, I learned, is the official water safety puppet of the community pool. I hated him the moment that I laid eyes on him, mostly because I had a bad feeling that he was going make me dislodge my butt cheeks from my very comfortable lawn chair.
"Mr. Freddy wants ALL of the moms to practice rescuing their children from the pool," said the puppet. He was looking straight at me.
Crap.
I reluctantly joined the herd of women and children at the pool's edge, where I was handed an empty milk jug attached to a rope. At first I turned down the gift because I thought that acceptance of it would require me to actually get into the pool, something that I swore at the beginning of the swim season never to do. A teenage swim instructor must have read my mind, because she assured me that I didn't have to get wet if I didn't want to. I could throw the milk jug to my kids (who were pretending to drown) from the side of the pool.
After three successful rescues, Mr. Freddy reappeared to praise me as an "involved" mother. I didn't actually hear the congratulations though, because by that point, I was half way back to the snack bar.
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11 comments
Hello from Alaska. I saw you on LDS Bloggers and thought I'd stop by! You are so funny! I would have done the same thing if I was you!
Every mom needs some down time.
I think I dislike Mr Froggy, too.
I HATE the kid activities that insist on "Mommies too!!" If I wanted to do that crap, I'd have signed up for myself.
Good for you Mean Mom! My son starts swimming lessons in August and I might just take a leaf out of your book . . .
By the way, have tagged you for a 6 quirky things about me thingy . . .
http://blogs.coventrytelegraph.net/fromdawntillrusk/2008/07/six-things-you-need-to-know-ab.html
Stupid Mr. Freddy.
Mr. Freddy creeps me out. I pay good money to ignore my children ('s whining) for 20 - 50 minutes a few days in the summer!
I wonder if Mr. Freddy knows how to swim.
You are so lucky that your pool has a snack bar!
so isn't the whole reason for swim lessons so you won't have to save them? Tell the instructor and her frog to get back to work.
Someone should drown Mr Froggy !!
My neighbor came over to my house and yelled at me over my dog!
I have a dog that I can't keep in my yard. I have tried everything and she always finds a way out. Anyway, this lady comes to my home, knocks on my door and when i open the door she points her finger at me and yells obscenities at me. Apparently my dog was in HER neighbors garbage and then pooped on HER NEIGHBORS LAWN! Why didn't she come and talk to me like a civil human being? Why was she a vicious monster attacking me at my door? I calmly went over to HER NEIGHBORS house where the garbage was and picked up every piece, and the dog poop. I agree that I have that responsibility to clean up after my dog. The one thing I don't agree upon is someone coming to my house and screaming in my face about something I didn't know about. Is anyone out there been blessed with a psyco-neighbor?
I don't think anyone remembers the golden rule...Do unto others as you would want done unto you!
I sent them a lovely card from this site I found...www.URAJerk.com
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