Bad Naked

My children have a deep and, to use an appropriate pun, growing fascination with my belly. I am not overly prudish about my body, but I don't make a point of walking around the house in my birthday suit either. If the kids want to examine my stomach, they are more than welcome to do so, as long as it is not at the grocery store, on the train during rush hour, or while we are waiting for a table at Chili's.

Yesterday, I laid on the couch for a half hour and let them poke and prod at my midsection with plastic stethoscopes and chainsaws. Clearly this act of generosity was not enough to satiate my children's curiosity about my changing shape because later that afternoon, in a rare act of cooperation, they built a battering ram out of their bodies and burst into my bedroom...only to find me folding laundry.

"I thought you were getting dressed," said Kellen. His disappointment was almost palpable.
"Are you going to change your clothes sometime soon?" asked Camber hopefully.

Such unapologetic invasions of privacy have forced me to start getting dressed and undressed in the closet or bathroom. Unfortunately, this has only served to heighten the desire to catch me partially clothed.

"I know you're in there," said Cortlen through the bathroom door this morning.
"This is mom's private time," I told him. "I'll be out in a minute."
"I don't care if you watch me get dressed," he said.
"Yeah," I said, "But I do."

The fact is, I never really minded if my kids caught me in the middle of one of my three daily wardrobe changes (I sit next to Kellen at the table and sometimes he mistakes me for his napkin), that is, until their commentary on my body started to hurt my feelings.

"Your stomach is big enough to fit Sparky (our neighbor's Labrador retriever)," remarked Camber at the pool the other day.
"It looks like you ate a Duke basketball," said Cortlen.
"Thank you," I said to my children. "I feel really good about myself right now."
"Your welcome," they said, and then skipped away.

* Sorry about the late post; my internet was down all day.