September 2, 2008

Boxed Wine

This weekend, we attended a Labor Day party at a neighbor's house. Before we left home, my husband and I reviewed the list of rules with our kids. Due to an unfortunate oversight, we forgot to include "Do Not Consume Alcoholic Beverages" on the list of no-nos.

As the only adult party guests who were not either wearing t-shirts that said "One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor!" or acting out the behavior described on them, my husband and I were relegated to the kitchen, where we were immediately converted into wait staff. Tim was put in charge of grilling an assortment of Italian meats that he could neither name nor identity, while I was asked to carry a number of peculiar salads to the serving table. I decided to arrange the salads alphabetically, just for fun. Just as I was aligning the serving spoon for what appeared to be a beet salad with the tongs wedged amongst a mound of overcooked broccoli, I caught of a glimpse of my three preschoolers filling up their cups at the beverage table. That they were getting their tenth drink in ten minutes wasn't the problem; what they were drinking, however, was.

"Ah!" I screeched, batting the red plastic cup out of my five year-old daughter's hand. "Don't drink that!"

It was too late. Cortlen and Kellen's cups were nearly empty as well.

"How much of this did you drink?" I asked them, pointing at the boxed wine. The estimates I received varied from the volume of shot glass to the volume of a swimming pool.
"The kids are drunk," I announced to my husband. After we congratulated ourselves on being such good parents, my husband and I decided that the only appropriate thing to do was ask our neighbors where they got their inspirational t-shirts, and if they came in children's sizes as well.

27 comments

MegRuth said...

Hahaha! Amazing!

Deb said...

Hilarious!

kat said...

that is excellent. at least your kids have the excuse of youthful inexperience on their side. my dad was happily sipping the 'punch' at my brother's law school graduation fest, until my sister couldn't stop herself from laughing anymore that the punch he was drinking was champagne. she was of course imbibing by choice, in order to survive our grandmother. :)

Renny said...

Ha ha that is so funny! Of course they'll say they didn't have very much not recognizing that the freak out doesn't come from them being in trouble... or maybe they just can't remember anymore...

Mrs. Morty said...

We were at a party for my husbands work and were do you suppose my then three year old toddled off to first thing? The keg. Nice. At least the other people at our party had the decency to stop him before he partook. You'll have to start your own AA chapter :)

Cynthia said...

Don't feel too bad. This actually happened to me and my brothers when we were little, except we were hitting the screwdrivers (orange juice with vodka). They serve fun drinks for breakfast in Canada. :)

Michal said...

wow. i guess you'll remember that rule next time. :)

Lisa said...

Too funny. I hope they at least slept in for you this morning after that!

Stoker Family said...

I love "wine in a box" super classy. appropriate first drinking experience

Candice said...

Now that's what I call a juice box!

Jenni said...

My day doesn't seem so bad now. My kids might have been naughty but at least they were sober. Thanks for the smile!

My Ice Cream Diary said...

We still call wine by the name my brother gave it when he was 5: "Yucky kool aid."

Helen said...

LOL!

DeLaina said...

ROFL! Were they mean drunks or did they just pass out? It might come in handy on your next trip?!?

Michelle said...

LOL!

Steph said...

Oh, Jana, you are hysterical! That is the funniest story. Don't you just love how our kids give us good stories to tell? God bless 'em!

Jay said...

I love this story! Thanks for the giggle!
We happened to be out with the Grand Parents in a very family oriented restaurant one evening and when my son (8) was asked what he wanted to drink by the waiter, he replied........
"Double Jack and Coke please!"
Needless to say I am still on the run from the social services!

Chris said...

LOL.

Your blog has to be one of the funniest blogs I have ever read. Keep it up! You're a great writer :)

The Mother said...

My kids would be happy drunks. I have one who's addicted to margaritas, and tries to con bartenders at every event we go to.

The good news is, that if they get used to drinking the stuff in the box, they won't have to spend their college fund on good wine.

That means there's more for us.

Anonymous said...

if you had any idea at all how happy this post made me.... I found your blog by voting for another and I love that other blog, but I wish I had another vote. I have been working for days on end on writing for my National Board Certification as a Kindergarten teacher and I am beyond tired. I decided I needed to take a short break and that is when I found you. Thank you so much for adding some levity to my day/night. I am commenting on the drunken children post, but honestly, I could have written on any of them. I know I am tired, and I know I am stressed, but I also know you are one funny person. Thanks for the pick me up.

Kelly in NC

Sarah said...

Oh my gosh! I can't believe your kids could even stand the taste!

Amy said...

so I've been here before- I guess you could say I'm a regular now, I check in every day. I followed this link from your "Old Navy" post on the other blog today and was laughing sooo hard! This is pretty dang funny- definitely something you'll always remember! And your kids too! :)

Meagan and John said...

I just want to say this reminded me of the time when we lived in aparmtments and I was in thier "office" area provided for tenants using their internet to place a Mary Kay order for a customer only to find that my son had found a Beer can in the trash, thinking it was soda he pulled it out and had it to his lips trying to sip out anythign that was left in it, I freaked out....yeah you can't trust these kids anymore these days, always looking for their next drink.

Summer Jackson said...

Oh my, You would think it was Applebees.

Kensi said...

Too funny!!

simpliebeloved said...

That is HILARIOUS! I love, "the kids are drunk". I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I can only imagine my toddlers doing the same thing. Love your blog!

Adrienne said...

LOL! This is so funny! You have a fantastic blog! :)