Always eager to teach my children about the value of love and importance of marital commitment, we stopped to talk to the couple and offer up our warmest congratulations.
"I've loved her since the day I died!" screeched the groom.
"Isn't that sweet?" I asked my kids.
The bride just blinked her eyes...which were attached to the head that was dangling from her right hand.
"What happened to her head?" asked Kellen, examining the bloody stump that was the bride's neck.
I was spared having to explain the complications of decapitation by the bride who, overwhelmed with emotion on her big day, suddenly burst into violent convulsions. My kids felt bad for the woman, but not bad enough to save her from a second seizure. As soon as number 1 subsided, they squeezed the "push here" button on the bride's ring finger for a second time.
Watching his bride suffer made the groom very angry.
"I'll have her and hold her over my dead body!" he screamed, rolling his eyes into the back of his head for good measure.
"Now that's true love," I admired.
"That's disgusting," scoffed another mom, as she pushed a shopping cart full of sobbing children past us.
I learned from Chatty Cathy at the check-out stand that there is a minor uproar in my town over Bloody Mary and her ashen-faced groom. Despite receiving complaints from several angry moms, the store refuses to ask the couple to honeymoon elsewhere.
I for one support the store's decision. The poor bride and groom are being judged solely on appearance, and that's simply not fair. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have their head on their shoulders. What is clear, however, is that the couple loves each other very much. Moreover, they aren't afraid to vocalize their affections, something that my husband and I have struggled with as of late.
Inspired by the couple's loving devotion, I took it upon myself to glean a few pointers from them. I even wrote down some of the couple's best "sweet nothings" on the back of a grocery receipt. Dinner seemed an appropriate time to pull one out. I dug my wedding veil out of the kids' dress up box and put it on.
"I'd kill to watch a movie with you tonight," I cackled to my husband.
"You're scaring me," he said.