September 23, 2008

One Fantastik Cat

Most cats have appetites conducive to self-feeders. After doubling her body weight in just four weeks, however, we learned that Millie is not one of them. Despite being fed two square meals a day, Millie behaves as if she is on the brink of starvation. It is not uncommon, for example, to open the pantry door and find the feline sitting on the middle shelf, gnawing a hole through a box of graham crackers. It is equally unsurprising to find her curled up inside the kitchen trash can, bloated with frozen peas and cantaloupe rinds. On a near-daily basis, I find remnants of hamburger buns under my bed, punctured bags of pretzels next to the litter box, and hairy sticks of butter lying in the middle of the bathroom floor.

Not surprisingly, Millie struggles with her weight. Every few months, the cat's obesity begins to inhibit her quality of life, plus her breath begins to stink. When this does, my husband takes matters into his own hands and puts the poor cat on a tough love diet. My role in this kitty weight loss plan involves sitting at the kitchen table with a squirt bottle and waiting for the cat to either pry open a kitchen cabinet with her paw, or push a bagged or boxed food item off of a pantry shelf. When she does, that's my cue to fire off a single squirt of water in the direction of her rear end. Usually, this causes the cat to waddle off, unless of course, she is really hungry, in which case she barks out a disgruntled "meow" and continues about her business as if I wasn't there.

Yesterday was the first day of Millie's new diet. A few hours after I broke the sad news to the cat, she came walking into my bedroom soaking wet.
"Who squirted Millie?" I called out.
"I did!" Camber replied. My daughter went on to explain that she caught the cat inside a Costco-sized bag of tortilla chips.
"Next time, let me do the squirting please," I said.
I was drying off the cat with a bath towel when I noticed that the animal smelled citrus fresh.
"Hey Camber," I called out again, "What did you spray Millie with?"

The answer was sitting on my kitchen counter. Next to the water bottle was a spray bottle of Fantastik all-purpose cleaner.

14 comments

HW said...

Our cat, Boomer, has issues too. He only gets dry catfood but he is huge. The vet wants to discuss an exercise program with me - I think he means for the cat. Um...yeah, doctor, I'm not sure I'm up to that.
Boomer also sits outside the door of any room I'm in and licks the door while he wails at me to let him in. It's like having a toddler again when I go to the bathroom. Except my kids never licked the door - I don't think.

Sraying the cat with Fantastik? Any spray bottle in a pinch I guess.

Carrie said...

Poor kitty! Well, at least he smells fresh and clean.

Shosh said...

I blogged about cats this morning too.....but the ones i wrote aboud didn't smell quite as fresh as yours...

Liz said...

Please tell me you are kidding, sitting in the trash can...opening food in the pantry! I love it, that is just plain hysterical! Hey... the way I see it a cat's not a cat unless he's FAT!! ;)

Reese said...

Don't you just love pets? You are much nicer than I am. At the first sign of trouble, I would banish them to the basement or the great outdoors.

Rachel said...

I have 4 cats of the obese variety, and since I'm seriously outnumbered, I gave up on the diet plan. I would not be safe in my bed at night, and I have no doubt they would drag my kids away and eat them.

Mrs. Morty said...

My what a fantastically clean cat you have :)

Synia said...

Awww, poor thing. LOL
I hope that isn't toxic to her!!

Me said...

Well, there is nothing worse than a stinky AND over-weight cat. One problem solved. Too Funny!

We once had a similar event with Spray and Wash, needless to say things have remained stain-free!

Jana said...

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Millie will risk life and limb to get at any kind of food...or anything that appears to be food. Today I caught her with her entire head down the garbage disposal. I forgot to turn it on after breakfast and she was eating, I'm guessing, Camber's leftover Cheerios.

mamajil said...

Oh wow! this story reminded me of when I came home from the hospital with our 9th and was in bed resting when our oldest walked in with our 2 bunnies...they had been febrezed by child #7 ......

Amy said...

Poor kitty!!! I have one with a weight problem. Her name has been changed to big momma she is so fat!

You want to watch taking food away for Fantastik, they can get to where they will stop eating all together.

Amy said...

Poor kitty!!! I have one with a weight problem. Her name has been changed to big momma she is so fat!

You want to watch taking food away for Fantastik, they can get to where they will stop eating all together.

I'm a Lefgren said...

We used to have cats that we would do this to sometimes... later in life, 2 kids later. We are using the same technique on our kids, and we are quit successful in stopping them from opening the fridge for the 15th time, playing with my sharp scissors, etc. It's amazing what a little squirt of water will do. :)