December 23, 2008

Christmas Visitors

On Sunday night, my eighteen year-old sister (who is a college freshman) arrived at my house with a boy who she definitely makes out with but who is "definitely not her boyfriend."

I'm not entirely sure why my youngest sister decided to spend Christmas with us this year in Philadelphia instead of with the rest of the family in California, but I suspect that it has something to do with the fact that the family members who she is skipping out on spend the bulk of their time together flexing in front of the mirror and checking out their status on hotornot.com.

My sister was hungry when she got to my house, so I asked her what she wanted to eat. Now that she is done being a vegetarian, my sister assured me that she is really easy to please. She and the unboyfriend eat everything except vegetables, wheat bread, nuts, stuff with ham stuffed inside it, and animals that live in the sea.

The only thing in my pantry that didn't fall into one of these categories was a box of Lucky Charms.

Lest you feel sorry for my starving sister and her special friend, I want to assure you that my guests did not go to bed hungry; their bellies and bowels were filled with the melodious sounds of the acoustic guitar, which the unboyfriend played all night. You will be shocked to learn that the non-boyfriend is in a band.

This morning, I asked my house guests how long they were planning to stay. My sister shot me an eye dagger that said, "It's none of your business."

Ugh. I'm so glad that I wasn't like that when I was eighteen.


P.S. So here's my dilemma: I didn't know the unboyfriend was coming for Christmas and I don't have any presents for him. Am I supposed to buy him some? If so, what? I've already thought of Dr. Laura's book, Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives, so if you were going to suggest that one, you'll have to think of something else.

29 comments

Tristan said...

A pack of guitar picks. They're inexpensive. They even sell a pack that includes different sized ones.

Annette Lyon said...

A night at a hotel room?

And be sure to get your sister the 10 Stupid Things for women book.

Beckie said...

Mouthwash. And floss. (so he's fully prepared and appropriate for all the making out...)
Perhaps just filling a little stocking for him would be enough? Did he bring presents for you and all the kids?

Helen said...

Head to the thrift store and find him the nicest Christmas sweater you can!

Shosh said...

How about a one way plane ticket?

Renny said...

get him a guitar book for beginners.

Mary and Steve said...

I think a nice kick int he pants would suit him well.

Mary and Steve said...

I GOT IT! I feel dumb leaving two comments but you should give him the "Joy to the World" DVD, or "Mr. Krugers' Christmas."

The Mommy said...

How about the DVD of Home for the Holidays?

My Ice Cream Diary said...

I hear band guys live off of Slim Jims. Maybe you could get him a Costco size box of yummy Slim Jims. It will do double duty if hus name is Jim.

Island Travel Girl said...

A guitar strap. Preferably one with flames or skull and cross bones.....or perhaps an album of photos from your sister's "awkward years". Unless she didn't have anty of those, in which case, photos of your awkward years would be totally acceptable.

Angie P said...

condoms?

Hedon said...

What about giving him an afternoon of groupies? Convince the kids to sit around and stare at him with awe for an entire afternoon. So he gets a lot of attention and you get a quite afternoon of peace while all the kids learn the words to "Smoke on the Water."

Nikki said...

Oh fun, Christmas Visitors!! Would this be the same sister that took all my macaroni and cheese out here in Rexburg?!?

The un-boyfriend should get a box of whatever candy is still on the shelf (you know, the nasty candy canes noone buys)...unless you think you might be seeing him at every holiday, and then I would go for a tape recorder, so he can hear just how awesome he sounds. Good luck!!

Janille said...

Emily Post's "Miss Manners" book? A Stephen Covey book on being successful? A board game like Life?

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

A new "ungirlfriend?"
I bet you can pick one up at Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch...one of those dark and heavily perfumed stores where 18 year old girls hang out.

Becca said...

Two words: Gold Digga. (Of course, those probably flew off the shelves. Pity. Then they could've had matching flagons to display on their un-iversary.)

Shaken Mama said...

I vote for crushed up melatonin in his Lucky Charms.

Lilly said...

You're way to nice to your sister. I would have kick her out right after her answer of "none of your business". This is your house and she should respect it. End of conversation.

And no-no to gifts to someone who wasn't invite it.

Anonymous said...

I like the guitar strap idea, but I think you and the kids should bedazzle it for him, or just let the kids pimp his guitar. I'm sure they can give him a christams to remember!

Anonymous said...

Oh, or just a box of lfe cereal, as in get a life...

Mama Lou said...

Wrap up a cat. That will top off your Griswold Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Now I'm starting to think you're making all this up...

Kristal said...

Whoo-Hoo you guys are fantastic at present ideas!
Sure get him a present, something stuffed with ham or maybe you could make some whole wheat cinnamon rolls.
You could totally take all these fantastic suggestions make unboyfriend baskets and make millions!
Merry Christmas

Malea said...

Anony-mouse before me. Be nice. Some people have funny lives, or else have an extra witty perspective on their lives. Got witty perspective? Jana does.

Anywho...Books are good; "Man's search for Happiness", "Way to Be" (by Pres. Hinckley), "What to expect when you're expecting" (just for funzies) You could companion the book with some music from "Jericho Road", or "Sons of Provo". Since he's into music.

Jana said...

Anonymous: I extend a personal invitation to you to visit me and my brood anytime you desire. If Philly is too far for you to travel, just knock on someone's door who has small children. I assure you that the events of my day are played out a million times over every day in nearly every home all across America. At least I hope. If not, you all are lying to me in your comments and are just trying to make me feel better.

For what it's worth regarding this specific post: I love my sister dearly. What has been so funny about her visit is how much she reminds me of myself a million years ago. I couldn't part with my hotdogs and hamburgers long enough to call myself a vegetarian and my unboyfriends were never in bands (I wasn't cool enough to nab one of those) but like my sister, I was ultra alternative in college: I wore dark eye shadow and wrote short stories for my creative writing classes that occassionally contained the word "penis."

I had forgotten until my sister arrived (and my husband reminded me) how ridiculous I was in college.

Nikki said...

You, ridiculous in college?!?! I am in shock!! ;) Glad to know all turned out well in the end....

Marissa said...

Love your book idea.
Back in the day I was amazing at 18, I am sure of it. But the 18 yo's today need some work. LOL ;-)

Princess said...

I know this is way late, but maybe wrap up one of his own shirts and act like it's new. Then act disappointed when he says he already has it. We did this to my dad a few times and hung the new shirt in his closet. But you obviously don't have to buy him a new shirt.