January 8, 2009

Second Seating


At the exact same moment that I summoned my subjects to dinner last night, Cortlen experienced a partial loss of hearing.

While he didn't hear any of my three incrementally more hostile calls to the dinner table from 10 feet away, my darling son could make out just fine what the space commander was saying on the computer game he was playing at the time.

After Cortlen's spaceship was inadvertently blown to smithereens by an alien warship, my son was instantaneously blessed with the miracle of healing.

"I'm ready to eat now!" Cortlen chirped as he sauntered into the kitchen.

He was about ready to plop himself into his seat when he noticed that there wasn't one.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Where's my chair?"

That's when I told him that because he was a no-show for his dinner reservation, he had been bumped to the second seating.

Cortlen had no idea what a "second seating" was, but he was smart enough to figure out that it wasn't desirable.

"Basically," I explained as I took a big, delicious bite of food, "It means that you can eat whatever is left over after everyone else is finished eating...that is, if I still feel like feeding you then."

"I COULDN'T HEAR YOU!" Cortlen screamed as he marched down the hallway to pout.

"Yeah right," whispered Camber under her breath.

"I HEARD THAT!" yelled the spaceship captain.



P.S. Cortlen had to wait 10 horribly long painful minutes, but rest assured, he got his dinner in the end.

36 comments

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

That is an EXCELLENT tactic! Do you think it would work with my husband????
BTW, I left you an award--come check it out!

prdmommyof3 said...

I love reading your posts...because they give me GREAT ideas on how to deal with my little...errr ahhh...ANGELS.

Thanks for the laugh...I will deffinately be using this tactic at the next oppertunity of sudden (selevtive) loss of hearing!

Annette Lyon said...

My son's hearing loss . . . explained!

Robin said...

Ohhh, I am SOOOO doing this the next time my DS suddenly goes deaf! Thanks for the great tip!

Robin

http://alabamaslackermama.blogspot.com/

Bugs said...

perfect. wouldn't work at my house because after only 7 minutes dinner is gone. the poor kid would starve.

Sharon (sk) said...

bahahahaha! I. LOVE. THIS!!! :)

Corrine said...

I like the way you think! We're having that for dinner tonight!

Oh Boy...Oh Boy...Oh Boy said...

Love it! ANd I love the first comment about whether it'd work with husbands!!! I swear mine is the worst offender when it comes to selective hearing

Makayla said...

:) My brother told my Grandma the other day (when he was called to dinner), "I'll be there, you just have to wait 'til I die!" (He was playing the Wii...)

Momlissa said...

Oh, I like this. I may have to call a second seating at my house!

Bellamarin said...

hahahahahahahhahahhahahahahaaaaaaaaaa! do you think this would work with my 3 year old?

Liz said...

What... you mean there wasn't any more milk bottles lying around for him?? Ha.. KIDDING!

Seriously though, can I have your autograph?! You are with a doubt a super star! The Mom of all Mom's...Queen... I hail to you!

Any ideas for those who won't come to the dinner table because you don't serve Jimmy Dean Maple Sausage Links for EVERY meal?! My 4 yr. old is addicted to breakfast food :)

Cathy Portele said...

That is wonderful!! My daughter has a hearing problem too. She can hear her father but not me. I think it's because he spanks harder:)

sticky said...

What an amazingly fantastic idea!

I am totally stealing it.

You rock.

Rachel said...

This week I started the "Kitchen is closed" policy. Which means that if I have finished eating and cleaned the entire kitchen and you are still eating you food is taken away and the "kitchen is closed". SOOOO- if you want ice cream you better eat your food and ask for ice cream "Before the kitchen is closed". :) I like Second Seating too!

Helen said...

I've decided I need to start a database of Meanest Mom "tricks" for when my boys are older.

Lisa said...

The policy I use around here is that after the second summons to come and eat, the absentee's plate is put on the floor.

Then, it's a fight between that person and the dogs. The dogs have been victorious every time.

Mom to the King and Captain said...

You are a parenting genius!

Karen said...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You are my hero, you are the wind beneath my wings!

Diane said...

I need to do that to my husband.

Valerie said...

This is an excellent idea! I still have a few years until I can use it, but I will remember that one!

You make me laugh with your great outlook on parenting. I love it!

JHalmes said...

My soon to be 3 year old tells me "I'll be right there" and then never comes so his ears are working- just not his legs!

As far as the husbands, I have always considered my toddler and my husband of the same mind set thus I treat them a lot alike when it comes to "selective" ANYTHING!!
GREAT BLOG! So glad I found it.

Beth said...

I love you! Do you want to move your kids to my school?

amyhick said...

Oh...that will have to be used. Wonderful idea.

Vanessa said...

What a wonderful idea!! I'll have to try that with my 3 slowpokes.

Tami said...

This made me laugh!! I used to do this with my kids when they were little. The selective hearing is still a factor with my now 17 year old son. The problem now is the xbox wins over the call to dinner and he can fix his own food!! Just don't forget to BREATHE!

TheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras said...

Fabulous! Funny that my girls have the same hearing problems and I posted about it on my blog yesterday, too.

Jana said...

Lisa, If only I had dogs! Makes me want to get one or two just so there would be some healthy competition for my kids' dinner plates! Second seatings rock!

HollyB said...

that was hilarious! good idea.. I need to remember that when my twins get a little odler!

Kimberly said...

That is awesome. I really want to know if it worked. I mean I need a follow up post. Thanks! Kim

Benigna Torviso-Marko said...

The funny thing is that even though osme of the posts are old, they are halarious. You are really right on the money with this stuff.

Benigna Torviso-Marko said...

Giving it all the same amount of time you are funny.
Benigna Marko

Anton said...

This does not rock at all. Actually it's harsh. And personally I must disapprove of what you call discipline, as well as your tendency to post this online. How would you like it if your parents humiliated you in this manner and got universally lauded for it? Would you enjoy being made the butt of endless jokes? If I ran a blog where I constantly ridiculed my parents and there behavior I would look like a spoiled brat. Why should the grownups get to play by a different set of rules? Please consider this before replying. Thank you in advance.

Brooke said...

@Anton - I'm sorry, what?!? You don't sound very much like a parent, and therefore don't really get an opinion of someone's parenting techniques, in my humble opinion. As a parent of 5 kids, (and apparently many other parents agree) this is a great technique. I hardly think that making a child wait 10 whole minutes to eat after they chose to not come when they were called is "harsh", "humiliating" or "being made the butt of jokes". If you want to truly understand those terms, I can introduce you to my ex-husband.
Rock on Meanest Mom! (Although I might have to fight you for that title. I've told my kids for years that I went to "Mean Mom School" and graduated top of my class. ;) )

jabs1960 said...

@ Anton...How can you profess knowledge of proper parenting, when you do not even posess knowledge of simple spelling of the English language, or terms there of? You obviously mean 'their', when you refer to your folks, but spell 'there'.
Sheesh! (Is that a word?)
BTW...Jana, I love, love, love "your" blog..."you're" very funny, you remind me of the days of "yore", and my very own Mom!! (See, Anton,...I know what I'm doing)

jabs1960 said...

Ooops...I mean 'possess' ;)