March 12, 2009

Haute Cuisine


Last night, my husband took me to a dinner at a fancy restaurant in downtown Philadelphia, compliments of his work. A quick glance at the online restaurant reviews confirmed that it was the kind of place where Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and two-inch roots would be welcome.


The evening was quashed early by my husband's request that we not discuss my three favorite subjects: our kids, the octomom, and the clearance aisle at Wal-Mart.

"So what are we supposed to talk about?" I hissed as we sat down.

Several minutes were consumed by a lengthy discussion of the menu.

My husband liked the fact that "cheese" was called "brie." I liked that the main dishes were listed numerically, like Burger King.

"I'll have a number 3," I told the waiter.

The man holding the notepad and wearing a tuxedo looked confused.

Once my husband translated my request into Thai-French fusion, all was well.

My chicken was served in a tall cylinder that my husband identified as seaweed. Perched on top of the tube appeared to be a full-grown Chia pet.

Eventually I located what I assumed was the chicken and ate it in two swift bites. I spent the rest of the meal thinking about what I wasn't allowed to talk about.

During dessert, my husband praised the quality of the food. I lamented the quantity. On the way home, we stopped at Taco Bell. When I made my request through the drive-thru microphone, it felt good knowing that I was talking to someone for whom #2 is not a bowel movement, but a taco and burrito combo meal.

No translation necessary.

***
In all seriousness, our "date night" was a lot of fun (how can it not be where there is free food involved?!). The frequent lull in conversation, though, raised a good question: When YOU go out to dinner with your hubs and no kids (we go out a TON...like every 6 months), do you ever run out of things to talk about it?

76 comments

Carrie said...

I feel like we try to talk about other things but the conversation always seems to go back to our kids.

Robin said...

Uhhhhhh, what is this "date night" thing you talk about???

jerseymom said...

Usually, if I start asking questions about HIS job, boss, commute I can sneak in a comment or two about MY day. If that doesn't work the pre-kids era or what we would do if we won the lottery are very fertile subjects.

jennie w. said...

Gossip is our favorite topic.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

I just found your page.
THIS is HYSTERICAL!
It's funny that your post is about this being that last night I just went to The Cheesecake Factory with my hubby. We sat there for 1.5 hours while we STUFFED our faces with some of the best food ever...and what did he talk about...hmm, the menu and the food! I've been married over 25 years-trust me, there's still not a whole lot to talk about when you take off the kids and what's on sale!

Becca said...

I find it wise to have some "required reading" before you go. Anything from The National Enquirer or US Weekly will do. That way, you can discuss the latest current events, and how to get your affairs in order before the world turns upside down in 2012. If that doesn't work, making out in ye olde backseat should be Plan B.

Jen said...

Right now, the topic of conversation settles around what improvements/changes we plan to make to the dwelling we own that is laughingly described as our home.
That, or we talk about how we need to have date nights more often.
And really, we talk about his job and the boys a lot. And that's okay.

Linney said...

thankfully we get a date ngiht everyother saturday when my mom comes up to our house (she live 3 hours away). she always watches them that night and takes them to my sisters house (behind us) for the night. rule is: no talking about the kids!!!. of course they come up every once in a while, but not often...

janaemadsen said...

I like to talk bad about other people. Like his family.

gigi said...

Oh this was funny and it really hit home! After 31 years you talk about the kids and grand kids and who died and Doctor appointments. It's sort of funny!

HW said...

Even if we aren't talking about them, they insert themselves into our evening because they keep calling to tell us urgent things like "we're out of Mountain Dew" or "Blake rented a movie and didn't get me one..."
Now when we are at dinner and one of the kids calls, we answer the phone with "ARE YOU BLEEDING?"

Viv said...

My husband and I went to lunch together ALONE for the first time in roughly 18 months...he chose Chili's. Of course, my husband works out of town and we have 5 children 11 and under, and I am one of those women who has two inch roots *sigh* but when he comes homes for 2-3 days a month, it is pretty hard to leave him to get my hair done. We always talk about the kids though...I guess because they are something of a novelty for him.

CurlyQuinn said...

I'm with Robin on this one. What is this "date night" thing you talk about??
No really, we get two a year...maybe. Normally we guilt family into watching them on our anniversary and normally on the weekend between our birthdays. Mine and hubby's birthdays are 7 days apart. It's strange though, everytime they say how our children are angels, but yet I have to twist their arms to watch them for a few hours.

As far as talking, we normally talk about how we need to go out more often and wish we knew and trusted someone we could pay to watch our children.

Alicia said...

Yeah date nights are few & far between in my house. When & if we get one we talk about work but it eventually goes to the kid.

Karen said...

All our children are out of the house so we don't talk about them....we talk about the grandkids!!

The Cranes said...

Date nights become more frequent the older your kids get (our youngest is 4). A lot of things become more frequent the older your kids get now that I think about it.... ;) We usually do talk about the kids and that's okay. It's the ONE thing we have in common! If not kids, then yes, superficial topics like winning the lottery we never play or high school/college memories (since we share the same ones).

Jenglamgirl said...

My hubby and I crave date nights, away from the Jungle and all its madness. Then as soon as we are out and about no more then minutes pass and we are both talking about our kids. So if I wasn't allowed to talk about them it would be hard but would make the date interesting. Don't you love creative chef "Art" food?

Colleen said...

We also are often quiet. Sometimes it's just perfect to have a dinner with someone and just to look at them and hear silence, (none of the normal he kicked me under the table, she ate the last roll, I need more drink, Can I have desert? Do I have to eat THAT?)

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Honestly, I prefer to think of "not much to say" time as "we are actually relishing a quiet moment" time. Seriously. We DO have plenty to talk about and we do, but the lulls in conversation that allow me to quietly eat my food uninterrupted and actually think about what it tastes like are priceless.

The Mother said...

After 25 years? You think?

On date night, we have rules about the conversation: no kids. No medicine. No blog.

Which leaves the menu.

And once the food comes, we generally degenerate to the kids, medicine, and the blog.

rachie! said...

We don't have kids yet, so we usually gossip about other people, mostly his family. Or we talk about how excited we are about the baby. Or we talk about our dream house & ranch. Or we contemplate how much money we could've saved by staying home!
My word verification is "shilize" and I think I could make that an actual word! Like "this blog is the shilize".

Amanda said...

Oh yeah we run out of stuff to talk about, that is when we start talking about our friends. I'm not sure which is worse.

Liz said...

Ha.. when and IF a date night happens.. we usually talk about our kids and work (we work together...occupational hazzard!) Either that or we'll talk about things that need to be done around the house, finances, you know.. the REALLY romantic stuff! :)

When we can escape our children, we are most likely having a night out with my brother/sister-in-law. They've become our reason to go out (they're slightly older than us and have no kids) So they are always asking us to the movies/dinner, etc.

jenj22 said...

we usually talk about work and family, always ends up going back to the kids. I mean that does take up the majority of our time so it makes since this is what we talk about.

Helen said...

It always comes back to the kids, no matter how hard we try not to! They just crack us up too much to not talk about them.

canadianmom said...

Last time we went on a date, it was Valentines day and of course everything was packed full. But we lucked out by calling Cheesecake Factory 30 mins ahead and putting our names on the list, when we walked in the crowd our names were number 2 and we only waited less than 2 minutes before we were seated amid the hissing and booing from the crowd that was patiently waiting 15 mins or more. Giving each other high 5's all we talked about was how we "beat the system". Funny I know, but it was better than talking about work and the kids although I do admit our kids snuck in the conversation once or twice.

Marissa said...

ROFL...Gloria Vanderbilt and 2 inch roots :)

Donna said...

I have to agree with another poster...we gossip about our friends, etc... But we always end up talking about our child.

Oh yeah, and I hate those 'fancy' restaurants. Give me a double cheeseburger from McDonald's over that any day.

Sticky (not too) said...

I think we have already comments on my sad "dating" life! Hubby and I went out, last month. It was our first night out without the Little Man...ever! (yeah, he's five, I suck I know) Anyhow, we talked about the kid and basically spent the evening criticizing the food and service! Fun times. (It actually really was fun)

Nick and Tiffany said...

My husband won't let me talk about our kids either. It's crazy because when we met we had a million things to talk about, but now that we've been married for 5 years, it seems like we have nothing.

Jenny said...

LOL! We usually just talk about our daughter. My husband knows not to bring up politics!

April said...

we totally run out of things to talk about... and we enjoy the blessed silence. LOL!

friea said...

Love the site ... have been enjoying quite a bit since finding your site through the award that you and M3 are neck and neck for. You're now bookmarked!

We just have the one little imp so can pretty easily do a babycare swap with other mums in our neighborhood. We usually gossip - sometimes about other parenting styles which we consider an exception to the "no kid discussion" rule. Taxes and politics (local and national) are always top of mind and since we have pretty similar views we can usually get jointly steamed up about some unjustice or another. My husband has great people insights, so we usually end up talking about a situation at work or my volunteer project and discussing how to manage.

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Whenever anyone asks me what's going on in my life I look at them with a blank stare on my face while I frantically try to come up with something. Sadly, this doesn't stop me from asking other people that same question.

emily said...

Um, yes. It's embarrassing.

jenn said...

On the rare occasion that we get to go out, we try our best, but the topic always comes back to the kids.

Sarah said...

I think the last time we went on a date was like a year ago, but if we didn't talk about the kids or his job there would be nothing left to talk about. And I can only listen for so long about how many people came to the ER and why for so long, so that only leaves the kids.

The Girl Next Door said...

talk ? What's this talk of which you speak?

Probably why my husband is now my Ex-husband. We ate in silence. For 20 years. I only wish I were kidding.

The Eadle Family said...

haha, um ... we talk about the kids ... never thought about it till now though. lol.

mom2manda said...

haha.. we just order cocktails and talk about the next one. Then reminisce about when we were cool. glory days...

Seth and Natalie said...

I think because our nearest grocery store is 2 hours away that my husband considers the drive over and back our "date". We do have to eat while we're there, too, so even though our two kids are with us and a drive thru is usually involved that counts as romance:) Being naturally very talkative (like I can never shut my cake hole) I find lots of different things to talk about. Not that he always talks back.

Jaime Theler said...

"Haute Cuisine" just means really small portion of super-accessorized food. And I'm not sure if my husband and I would run out of things to talk about. When we go on a date like that, I'll let you know. :)

andiewade said...

we always seem to talk about the kids a lot, but when enough is enough and we can't seem to think of anything "adult" to talk about, we might just start doing stupid dances to the music in the background, or making fun of the people around us, or think of a random old joke that we thought was hilarious a long time ago to still see if it's funny. we laugh a lot, often about nothing. i think that's why we click :)

~~Missy~~ said...

Sometimes Taco Bell is a lot nicer "date night" then those fancy restaurants.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, Lady you crack me up! "number 2"....was hilarious!! This entry reminds me of the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when Debra and Raymond went out to dinner. "Good bread...." lol. Have you seen it?
K in NC

Rebecca said...

My husband always tries to choose those bar/grill restaurants for this very reason. At least those places have TVs for when you run out of stuff to talk about.

kerri said...

Why in the world should there be a ban against discussing your kids?!? Isn't it the most important thing to make sure you're on the same wavelength, to share the funniest thing that the other missed, etc? I just started homeschooling so hub wants to be in the loop on how that's going, too. But in addition: politics, faith, places we want to go, the books we're reading... Of course, a lot of the time he wants to talk about work (he's self employed so it's my duty to listen even though it's generally engineering foreign language).

Rachel said...

Definitely run out of things to say that don't revolve around the kids. So either we go out with friends so we can lament over our children with them or we go to our fav pizza joint and laught at the songs each other pick on the jukebox.

Nancy B said...

After a couple of martinis or a bottle of wine, it's amazing what will come up in conversation. And if nothing does, no one will be the wiser.

Ginger said...

We just went out to dinner. Nice hole in the wall sea food place just one step above styrofoam plates and we talked for a solid hour and a half including to/from.

We talked about hubby's work, my blogs, how great the food was a compared to a place 2 blocks away. We talked about what we wanted to accomplish this weekend. Hubs is studying for a CISSP test and I think I'll work on the front flower bed. We also discussed how it is a no NASCAR weekend. Talked about one child (have 4 between us) and that their Internet was connected today. We talked politics in his office and on the national scene. Honest, we can talk for hours and hours and do it often on very long trips. We never seem to run out of topics. Sometimes we talk about the kids or our family but most times -- NOT!

D said...

YES! It's not like he hasn't seen all the reruns of spongeBob & backyardagans TOO! and he doesn't care what time I checked the mail and I don't care how many Uverse customers signed up for AT&T's new "thingie, thing".
We just enjoy the peace and quiet & food someone else cooked.

Hadley said...

we love date nights! I have no idea what we talk about...probably cows and homeschool. and my blog "friends". oh and he may mention stuff about tractors.

but, we have good food and we aren't actually talking TO the kids, which from time to time is a good thing!

Love your blog!

Little Lady said...

Date nights have lately been quick runs to the 7-11 for their slurpies and hot dogs.

We never run out of things to talk about when there is such a large flavor selection (decisions, decisions!) and the impeding question on whether or not this might the time I get sick from eating hot dogs from their germ incubator.

Ashiralynn said...

If kids and work are off limits, then yeah we run out of things to talk about. Of course, date nights are SO very rare. Which reminds me that I'm supposed to be having date night IN tonight. :)

Anonymous said...

Do I really have to talk to him
????????????????????????

MoodyMommy said...

I am not sure what you mean??? What is a date night? I have never heard of one of those, do you get them on the clearance rack at Wal-mart?

But really...Taco Bell is our Gate Night!

Loved Your Blog...silly question but how did you get 3 Columns??

Alexia said...

Oh you made me laugh. If someone told me not to talk about my kids...I'd have nothing to say! LOL And what is up with the food at restaurants like that?!?! I mean, I know portions are normally to much, but you absolutely do not offset that by making the portions minuscule! Taco Bell was a good choice.

hansenfive said...

we always try not to talk about them, and it hasn't happened. We end up talking about how cute this was, and how cute that was. And then my husband starts bragging about them...does he have to? NO, i know who they are. lol

Mark and Katie said...

I clicked on over her from CJane's blog. Love your blog...you've totally had me laughing. Thanks for the entertainment. I'll be back.

sues2u2 said...

Funny!

I just read your post on CJane's & I was roflol. I love that you took the candy bars out. But I gotta ask - did you really? And btw, you made my night!

Momof5 said...

My husband and I, when blessed with the phenomena called a date, usually engage in what I like to call ACRS. Adult Conversational Regergitation Syndrome is when the proverbial bell is tolled and each starts a conversation at the same time letting it splat across the table and run over onto the floor and into your shoes. Then looking up at a breath and realizing that we hadn't heard a word each has said and confirm that dessert and coffee is in order. Ding, Ding.

Melinda said...

The last time we were out alone was about 9 mo ago, when our youngest was 2mo old...and the next real foreseeable one is our anniversary (five years!) in six months. There was supposed to be one last month but other circumstances (sick kids) prevailed. At least we'll have something to talk about...like the last year and a half!

Kim said...

Date night? Without kids? Um...yeah.

Actually I do worry about what we'll talk about when the kids are grown and gone. You can only talk about the dishes, yard and computer for so long. ;)

Laura Clapp said...

Just found your blog. It's cute. Love it.

Sheryl said...

I just found your blog today. I voted for you, even though I personally know one of the other contestants(My Litter) and I adore Pioneer Woman, both good blogs. I spent 3 hours reading your whole blog. I loved it!!! I am a 54 year old mother of 8 children (unlike Octumom I had them one at a time, with the same husband) I have recommended your blog to my four daughters. It is wonderful!
On the topic of dates, my husband and I have gone on dates once a week for over 32 years. When we were too poor to afford a real date we'd go to the library together or the grocery store. (You'd be surprised how excited I get in a grocery store with my husband even today.) Anywhere away from the children and by ourselves. We rarely run out of things to say and what the heck we even talk about the children on the date. As long as we're together.

summergibbs said...

YEAH....and it makes me sick to see these new lovey-dovey couples holding hands and never having a dull moment in the conversation. It's like they haven't seen each other in ten years...seriously, where do they get this stuff? If my husband and I can't talk about our son then all we have left is arguing about who has the worst parents. He does, of course!

Anonymous said...

Now that you mention it (Octomom), I was kind of wondering what your thoughts on: A) Octomom and B) Chris Brown/Rihanna were. That blog would surely catch my attention!

My Ice Cream Diary said...

This is why I love Yahoo new bites. I always cram the day before a date night and try to get as much real worl info as I can to be discusion ready.

Tiffany said...

I just came over from C Jane and I must say I am thrilled to have found your blog. You are so so funny. I have read through a whole bunch of your awesome blogs and am laughing so much my kids are crowding around and making me read the funny parts to them. I am happy to have found you. Lucky me.

Dianna said...

DH and I have plenty to talk about, mostly because I can never even finish a coherent thought, much less a sentence at home without being interrupted.
Date nights ROCK!!

Sarah W. said...

I only read a portion of the comments, so this may be a repeat. But we play the question game.....just ask each other random questions. There are books to help you get started. I have actually learned so much about my husband this way.

Some potential questions....
What was your favorite game to play as a child?
What is the quality you most admire in your dad/mom/brother/etc?
Given the chance, what is one decision you would change?
Looking back at junior high, what is a memory that was mortifying at the time but is hilarious now?

Things like that.

Brenda said...

Date night rarely happens around here, but when it does we talk about the kids. Pathetic, huh?

Janine said...

Just found your blog through CJane. You're very funny - thank you. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is scared of the school secretary. Have you ever tried to take your kids out early, just because?? It's not for the faint at heart.

On another note, we always talk about his work. I think from now on I will make an off-limits list.

Sara Kelley said...

you'd be excited to hear that while on a date to disneyland a couple days ago we SAW the octomom! AND, my husband even talked to her! (even though i just wanted to slap her.)
i found you through cjane and probably think i'll be back to laugh some more...

justlori2day said...

I havent laughed out loud at a blog this long and roley poley in a long time! Scary? I knew something along the lines of fast food and order by number were yet to come!

What do we talk about??? Well, this weekend we went to an out of the way in the middle of nowhere (I kid you not, it is the only business in the town it is located - one abandoned house on one corner, two lived in houses, and a trailer parked out back are the only other buildings) has the most amazing cow foods you have ever tasted, knowing full well we didnt arrive a half hour before opening time, therefore we would be assigned a wait time of over an hour, so we both brought magazines to read whilst waiting in the truck. So we wouldnt waste our dining conversation during the wait.

Thank GOD there were people there we knew, including oddly, some of my family members who live an hour away from us... I say oddly, because this place is in podunk, oh know you di'int just drive an hour to get there, egypt. And I am not from where we live now, so to go an hour away, and run into family who live another hour away and it wasnt planned? Cue Twilight zone music.

Good food however, and I left ready to burst.

Friday said...

Date night, hmmmm.... Usually if we go out alone it is to do a huge grocery shop. Once every few weeks we leave our toddler with his Mom for an hour so that we can wander the frozen food section trying to find sale items hidden behind a tower of frozen pizzas. Since our 'date nights' are so unromantic we make up for it by kissing in empty aisles and making inappropriate comments about produce.