May 28, 2009
Shark Mouth: Adventures in Loose Teeth
There is a price for being famous. In the case of my son, that price is exactly 5 cents. That is what he is charging his friends at school and in the neighborhood to see the contents of his mouth. I think he could have charged more--maybe up to 50 cents a peek--but Kellen was firm in his offer. He likes nickels.
Kellen became an overnight celebrity last week when he began telling everyone that he was part shark. I humored him and agreed to call him "G. White Boy" until a lady in line at The Children's Place behind me informed me that my son's nickname was technically a racial slur.
"I hate to break it to you," I told my son, "But you're not half shark."
That's when Kellen opened his mouth and showed me the second row of teeth coming in behind his first set.
"AHHHH!" I screeched in the middle of the mall. I called my husband to report my discovery.*
After privileging the authority of the Internet over the advice of the kids' dentist, we decided that at least two of Kellen's baby teeth needed to come out as soon as possible. This was easier said than done, given that neither were particularly loose.
"I vote for pliers," said Cortlen.
My husband liked that idea, but found my son's baby teeth too small to get a good grip.
I suggested the old string and car bumper technique, but that was rejected as too conventional.
"Eat lots of apples," said Camber who, after losing her first two teeth last month, is subsisting on a liquid diet.
At some point in the conversation, someone raised the idea of a Circus sideshow, which in turn, led us to the great idea of charging a nominal fee to anyone who wanted to see a boy with two rows of teeth and a future orthodontic bill of $2,000,000.
So far, Kellen has pocketed 35 cents, all of which has been put into a fund for braces and headgear.
* Yes I did take a picture of Kellen's mouth. Unfortunately, my high quality camera is incapable of taking non-blurry close-ups. You'll just have to imagine.
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