May 28, 2009

Shark Mouth: Adventures in Loose Teeth


There is a price for being famous. In the case of my son, that price is exactly 5 cents. That is what he is charging his friends at school and in the neighborhood to see the contents of his mouth. I think he could have charged more--maybe up to 50 cents a peek--but Kellen was firm in his offer. He likes nickels.

Kellen became an overnight celebrity last week when he began telling everyone that he was part shark. I humored him and agreed to call him "G. White Boy" until a lady in line at The Children's Place behind me informed me that my son's nickname was technically a racial slur.

"I hate to break it to you," I told my son, "But you're not half shark."

That's when Kellen opened his mouth and showed me the second row of teeth coming in behind his first set.


"AHHHH!" I screeched in the middle of the mall. I called my husband to report my discovery.*

After privileging the authority of the Internet over the advice of the kids' dentist, we decided that at least two of Kellen's baby teeth needed to come out as soon as possible. This was easier said than done, given that neither were particularly loose.

"I vote for pliers," said Cortlen.
My husband liked that idea, but found my son's baby teeth too small to get a good grip.

I suggested the old string and car bumper technique, but that was rejected as too conventional.

"Eat lots of apples," said Camber who, after losing her first two teeth last month, is subsisting on a liquid diet.

At some point in the conversation, someone raised the idea of a Circus sideshow, which in turn, led us to the great idea of charging a nominal fee to anyone who wanted to see a boy with two rows of teeth and a future orthodontic bill of $2,000,000.

So far, Kellen has pocketed 35 cents, all of which has been put into a fund for braces and headgear.





* Yes I did take a picture of Kellen's mouth. Unfortunately, my high quality camera is incapable of taking non-blurry close-ups. You'll just have to imagine.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed. It's free! It's easy! It's totally painless!
What's RSS? Click here to find out!

32 comments

Colleen said...

i love it. Katie did that w/ her mouth but that was because she knocked out so many teeth at one time. she looked like an old lady when she smiled... she was 5 with BRIGHT blond hair and deep blue eyes... it truly was a pitiful sight to see!

Lindy said...

This is happening to my daughter too...I don't know if "white girl" would fly too well either.

Alicia said...

That is too funny! Especially your racial slur in the middle of a store!

TheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras said...

Ah, yes. Our brace face was once part shark. In fact, we're going Monday to pull her last teeth that are refusing to budge despite the appearance of brand new molars practically in the roof of her mouth.
I'll tell her about the charging for a peak. Very smart. You'd think with the red and blue rubber bands on her braces, she could charge extra until July 4th.

stewbert said...

That happened with my DD too. She thought her teeth were broken and cried and cried until I assured her it was just her permanent teeth coming in, in the wrong place. Her baby teeth did fall out shortly after that, the permanent ones moved forward on their own, and she has a normal smile now. There is hope.

Foursons said...

Cool!

TMWW said...

That's too cool. You've got yourself a little entrepreneur on your hands, "White Boy" or not LOL!

The Head Demon Boy lost one of his baby teeth after a wrestling match with his sister and a kick to the mouth knocked it out. Took 2 years for his adult tooth to come in!

Robin said...

My 5-year-old has lost 2 baby teeth in this same manner. We did a lot of wiggling, scheduled the dreaded dentist appointment and then were able to get them both out before the dentist did it for us. We used the floss under the tooth knock and pull technique for the 2nd. The 1st he pulled out on his own. Good luck! We too are looking forward to that giant orthodontist bill one day.

Kiki (G.G.) said...

i hope my son does not inherit my crazy teeth. in third grade my life in the ortho office began with two braces on my two front teeth to bring them together; 4 teeth pulled and a mouth plate installed with key, the WORST, in middle school; full set of braces with headgear for HS; wisdom teeth pulled; retainer 'til college. all very expensive for my parents, not sure what it all costs now. i have had 2 cavities so far, which i am very proud of. my son is already asking when he can lose his teeth so he can get money from the fairy. take care.
-Kiki

Mia said...

I had 2 rows of bottom teeth also. In sixth grade had to have 10 baby teeth surgically removed and then had braces for the next 3 1/2 years. Good luck!

Rachel said...

Our 6 year old shark/human recently had 2 bottom front baby teeth yanked out to make way for the big ones growing in behind them....though he had NO IDEA they were there. The procedure went fine until the Novocaine started to wear off and Sharky was convinced his head was going to fall off...it didn't.

Love your blog! Very entertaining...

Kate said...

I JUST went through this w/my 7 year old last month. I too, was horrified, and called him shark boy! After 3 weeks of doing everything we could to wiggle those baby teeth loose (I doubt my son will ever eat an apple again!) we had to go to the dentist. BUT, he was thrilled when the dentist said the tooth fairy would leave him extra $$ because the teeth needed help in coming out. And sure enough she left him $5. He was so happy he suggested that we let the dentist take out all of his teeth!

The Mother said...

Your future orthodontic bills are, unfortunately, aiming for the sky.

Call your dentist.

Red She Said said...

This post was great. When my daughter got her first loose tooth she ran up excitedly to show us. I can't imagine the looks we must have had on our faces when we looked in her mouth and discovered TWO rows of teeth. We had never seen nor heard of anything like it. We freaked out for a solid five minutes, (what do we do? Look online!) it was sheer panic until it finally dawned on us - my husband's mom is a dental assistant! This was years ago and I still can't believe we spent as long as we did trying to figure out what the deal was with two sets of teeth before calling her.

It took awhile, but eventually she ended up with only one row. ;)

LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!

Mama Nut said...

Bad memories!! I wore headgear in Jr.High... which made me the most unpopular person to hang out with. Go figures!

The Cranes said...

I have a friend that lived in Japan for 18 months and has a son that had this condition while over there. Unfortunately, they could not get dental care until they came back to the States. Awful.

My 8 year old has a tooth coming in like that. Yuck.

And I have an 11-year old that just learned how to put her headgear on herself. Oh the joys of the "awkward years"...

Jana said...

So glad this isn't as weird as I thought....but not so glad that years of braces are in our future. Thanks for the stories ladies!

Sandra said...

This happened to us as well. My daughter's first two lost teeth ended up having to be pulled by the dentist. They told me it was very common. There was no problem with the procedure. It hurt me more that her first teeth were pulled by the dentist...but the tooth fairy still came and all was well!

Ginger said...

I am also part of the shark family. The last of the damage was repaired at the ripe old age of 25. I had 8 teeth pulled, lost all dignity, looked 95 and invested a boat load of cash in my mouth. By 29 I was done with everything. I had gone through an army of toothbrushes and wore out a waterpik.

Another 26 years later, I am the proud owner of about 6 caps from cracking teeth. I found out that I was clinching my jaw, stressing my teeth and causing more damage. Now I have a mouth guard and some Pro Enamel toothpaste to help strengthen my teeth. One good side effect? No more massive headaches!

I vote that he invest all the nickels he can find so that when he is in mid-life he has a dental fund to fall back on to help.

Mrs. Green said...

My oldest son had a freakish mutant tooth growing inside the roof of his mouth. They had to pull it before installing his braces.

My daughter is so messy that she left a baby tooth in her mouth and let it fuse to the outside of the permanent tooth. If you saw the floor of her room, you would understand.

A row of shark teeth seems fairly mild, really.

Sabrina, stay at home Career MOM... said...

Gotta love kids! What a little deal maker!!!

My Life Through My Thoughts said...

Jana, you rock!!! I love love LOVE reading your blog. Sooooo funny. You are the only stranger I know that can make me laugh HARD. Thanks!

Sinclair said...

The subvert in me says make him a t-shirt with G. White Boy screenprinted on the front and the G. White Shark photo on the back. Slur schmur.

kenna_h@hotmail.com said...

A friend sent me a link to this post- we've got the same thing going on at our house with my 6 yr old daughter. I've been calling her a shark all week! The dentist assured me he doesn't need to see us unless we still have two rows one month from now.

Debbie said...

My hubby had a hard time latching on to my daughters small baby teeth too. It's easier if you use toilet paper to rid of the spittle. :)

Part shark, thats just awesome! Love those little money making minds.

Deanna said...

Oh, my heck. The headgear pictures bring back so many horrible memories!

I think he's going to need a few more shark teeth and he'll have to raise his prices if he's paying the ortho. LOL!

Thanks for the great posts. :)

Kara and Theo said...

I don't know if I would consider calling your son "White Boy" is a racial slur. You are simply stating the facts. Now if you were calling him "Non-Black Boy" or something worse...then I could see a lawsuit.

Heartsabustin said...

That's hysterical. Question - Does your high-quality camera have a button that has a flower above it? That's your macro button and is necessary for taking close-up shots. Trust me, I know this. I have to take shots of jewelry for my shop, and the macro button has saved my life. Try that, and then post the pics, 'cause I wanna see!

Chelle said...

Yes I was told it was common too. Then why the heck had I not heard about it before?

But I wanted to give you some hope. My son had his 2 bottom teeth removed by the dentist July last year. And today he lost his first tooth on his own. You would not believe just how happy we were when he announced he had a loose tooth!

Also- I have triplets, the dentist said it could possibly run in the family, but my other son seems to lose teeth left and right with no trouble.

By the way I did get a picture of his shark mouth. It is at the end of this blog post...

http://tripletsrajoy.blogspot.com/2008/07/how-many-prayer-request.html

Mom To A Preschooler said...

Lol! I bet he was quite excited about his popularity. I have this thing with dental appointments and I just hope that everything will turn out well for him. Your post had me checking my daughter's teeth. I had to see whether she's also up in his category. lol!

MamaOtwins+1 said...

Your boy will make millions one day - probably selling stories of his morbid childhood as sharkboy wherein his mom called him racist names. None the less - hilarious as I continue to read your archives.

Katie Craig said...

When I was a child, when we were still living in Sarasota, Florida, my dentist told me to take care of my teeth well. Being the stubborn kid that I was, I didn't listen. My teeth ended up looking badly when the permanent teeth popped out. So, I had to wear braces. But thanks to those braces, I learned to take care of my teeth. =)