June 16, 2009

Special Delivery

Yesterday afternoon, my elderly neighbor knocked on my front door.

"Did I do something to offend you?" Joan asked.

Other than hanging a plastic leg cast from her tree, nothing came to mind.


"I found these in my mailbox," she said, handing me a plastic grocery bag. Inside were three empty bags of chips, a matchbox car, and a box of half eaten raisins.

"So that's where they went," I said, with a sigh of relief.

Joan looked confused when I told her to think of the objects as tokens of endearment.

"Like when a cat kills a mouse and leaves its intestines on your front porch," I explained.


Joan twitched her face and held her stomach. She felt significantly better after I explained my children's current obsession with the mailman. "They only deliver packages to neighbors they like," I told her. I pointed out that Helen-Marie and Sandy (other neighbors) only find grass clippings, pebbles, and the occasional piece of scrap paper in their mailboxes. Half eaten food items and personal effects are reserved for their favorites.

"I would appreciate if they didn't do it again," Joan said.

I told her that I would try my best to limit the deliveries and would make a point to inspect her mailbox for illegal parcels on a regular basis, but that I couldn't guarantee that her VIP mail service would stop altogether.

"If you find a Barbie leg in your mailbox," I said, "You know where to find the cat."

*****
Do your kids put weird things in your neighbors' mailboxes or your own?

BTW: your comments on yesterday's post had me rolling on the floor! We had a sea salt salesperson over the holidays!!!! I totally forgot about her! So, so, so funny!

******

Hey! One of my awesome readers tipped me off to something cool; namely, that this blog is in the running for the Funniest Blog Award in the BlogLuxe Awards from SocialLuxe Lounge. Wow! Thank you for the nomination; I'm very flattered...but a little peeved that I'm not in the running to be the "blog you've learned the most from." Haven't I served you people well? What about my kitty litter cake? And my fabric-covered Easter eggs? Hmph!

I won't pester you too much over the next few weeks, but I sure would appreciate your vote. Here's the good news: You don't have to sign up for anything to vote and you can vote once per day through July 6.

To vote, click HERE.

Regardless of the results, what makes me most excited about all this is that there are a number of other nominees on the list who manage to be funny without being crass. Who knew that was even possible? What is the world coming to?!

41 comments

waldenhouse said...

My son is going through a "paper hat" phase. He has gone through nearly an entire ream of paper and box of staples making his paper hats, then he sets up a table and sign in an effort to sell his paper hats for 10 cents. He does this at least three afternoons a week. And when, having waited all of 15 minutes for shoppers, he still has a stack of paper hats on his table he hits the streets to give them away. Every neighboor on our street receives a pointy paper hat in their mailbox at least a few times a week. So far I haven't received any complaints except from my husband who wants to know why his computer paper is disappearing rapidly.

reddmummy said...

Yes! I try to get over my mortification about my daughter's (she is 7) need to leave regular packages for the people on our street. Once she even tried to sell them little drawings she made! I told her that she could give them as gifts, but under no circumstances was she to solicit our neighbours for money! Lately she and her younger brother make their own fliers and deliver them. Since they aren't out begging I have decided I can live with this.

Nicole said...

Again, you have me laughing at work. Thanks! I need that....

I guess I kind of went through that. I used to put weird things in my friend's mailboxes.

Renny said...

My sister used to collect newspapers so eventually she'd have enough for a newspaper route.
Also, per your post yesterday, those guys in the mall with those nail files that make your nails super shiny, they hunt you down. I've taken to signing at them when they approach so they think I'm Deaf. I'd just ignore them but they leap in your face.

Anonymous said...

My mom tells the story of my two older sisters delivering the "mail". They took all the open mail and bills and delivered them to houses about the neighbourhood! So empty wrappers I would liv ewith rather than trying to figure out who has your RRSP balance!

CountessLaurie said...

I can't imagine my neighbors saying that they would appreciate it if they didn't do it again. I imagine they would laugh and laugh and get over it.

Bart and Kellie said...

My younger brother & sister (now adults) delivered hand written notes to the new lady who just moved in down the street. She was a little concerned and showed them to her next door neighbor. The notes said thing like, we know where you live (they did), and we're watching you (they were). The neighbor explained to the very scared lady, they'd been written by a kindergartner (with very good handwriting apparently), and a three year old. My mom had to explain that threatening the little old ladies on the street wasn't going over so well, and that they had to quit it. My kids haven't gotten to this point yet (4 yrs, 2 yrs & 3 mths - all boys) but we have one of those annoying neighborhood locked mailboxes that we have to walk down the block from our house, so this might be one phase I will miss out on. Dang! My kids are pretty creative, who knows what threats they could have come up with!

Jenglamgirl said...

crabby old people! Lighten up! kids will be kids! but this could have something to do with most citys "states" doing the key in box mailboxes. I haven't seen a flip lid mail box in years! thanks for the laugh though!

Lisa and company said...

The only time a child of mine touched someone's mailbox the police ended up involved and we were gently reminded that mail tampering is a federal offense.

The Mother said...

My kids never leave anything for the neighbors except dog poop.

But we did have a neighbor once who was growing pot in his backyard (according to the mailman, anyway), so I guess I'm lucky it wasn't the other way around.

The Mom said...

I just blogged about the things I find in my mail box....
This time they were actually very clever, too bad it didn't work!!
Tiffany

http://theivanovskys.blogspot.com/2009/06/watching-too-much-tv-gives-kids-ideas.html

Kiki (G.G.) said...

we live on a street where the cars go too fast. if our son played out in the neighborhood he would get run over. this is one reason i would love to live in a subdivision or cul-de-sac so he could enrich the lives of his neighbors. instead he brings outside crap into our home. he enjoys hiding things in the floor vents too and not telling me about said food, paper, or toys til a few weeks have passed. i think your neighbor needs to appreciate these parcels of love and get over it! take care.
-Kiki

Shannon said...

Actually, when I was a kid, my sister and I colored a lot of pictures from our coloring books, tore them out and loaded them up in our wagon. We then went door to door selling them to the neighbors without the knowledge of our parents. Thanks to our kind neighbors, we came home with quite a lot of cash. After we requested a trip to the store, my parents started asking questions. I remember the outrage I felt when I was forced to return all of the money to the neighbors along with an apology. Hey, if the girl scouts can sell door to door, why couldn't I?

babyyahyah said...

my kids would totally do that too. but i was secretly happy when the "perfect" 3yrold neice (much favored by mil) put some hockey balls in MIL's mailbox.

Katie M. said...

When I was younger, I would put flowers in the next-door neighbor's mailbox. Once I did it while they were on vacation... (I didn't know that they would bne on vacation). They're really nice neighbors though, they never complained to my parents or anything.

Foursons said...

How do you come up with these comebacks on the fly like that? I never think of anything witty to say until the moment is over.

Connie said...

My kids were such entrepreneurs that they'd go door to door selling a trinket or a rock or something that they thought they'd get rich on. My son,David, who was VERY active, broke the antennae on the cordless phone when he was 8 years old. He felt bad about it so decided to earn money for a new phone. I got a call from the neighbor lady who said that David was selling all his dad's baseball caps for a quarter a piece! That seems fair, doesn't it?
Congrats on your nomination! It is nice that a blog can be funny without being crass!

Cosette said...

My TEENAGE son likes to put random things on people's doorsteps, like a can of chili plus an apple pie recipe, and then doorbell ditch. One poor old lady opened the door, saw the random weird canned thingy and poked it with a stick a few times, sure it would explode or something, while the boychild was snickering in her bushes.

Wait, no, my kid wouldn't do this. A friend of a friend of a friend's kid.
http://damselindisdress.wordpress.com

Ann said...

How do you not say anything abou tthe boot, like when are you taking it down, it is an eyesore . . .

templework said...

uh...take it from someone who knows...

Anybody (including/especially kids) messing around with someone else's mailbox is a Federal offense
and
if you don't think they don't go after the kids (and their parents)- think again.

This one you need to nip in to bud!

Hillori said...

Of course I voted for you! FYI, it was very difficult to find you on the voting page...it took me fifteen minutes, and if I wouldn't have been so determined, I would have just given up. They did not have your name under your voting square, like they do all the others, so I had to preview them all to find yours. I'm sure if they fix that, you will get oodles more votes. You are hilarious! Already though, over 198 people have found and voted for you! Kudos!

Elisa said...

She wasn't even a little flattered? She didn't even go "awww"?? She actually asked for it to stop? Cold-hearted, non?

I think It's cute :-)

Jamie Bird said...

I have already voted for you a bunch of times! Are you going to the Social Luxe BlogHer party? If so, I MUST meet the Meanest Mom:-)

Well, I mean the meanest other than myself, according to my kids.

Jamie
minimebabygear.com

Jamie Bird said...

By the way- if I found something so adorable in my mailbox, I would be flattered. As long as it is not dog you-know-what, I am good!

madjaq said...

We have a mail slot in the front door,carrier hates it the princess loves it. When she hears the carrier she runs to the door and yells"Thank you!"

last week she delivered clover to neighbors within a one block radius.

Megan said...

Never commented before. Love your blog. You always make me laugh. I have a mailbox story. I worked at home for a small company and had boxes of letter head and envelopes. My darling son decided one day to write letters to everyone he knew. He drew pictures (some gruesome and gross) and scribbled notes. Then folded the letters and put them into the matching envelopes, walked his cute little behind two houses down to the mail box center and stuck them ALL into the outgoing mail. (No idea who taught him that is where they go and I am sure this did not happen on my watch). So needless to say, they were all returned to sender. My employer was LESS than thrilled or flattered or even amused when 100 envelopes showed up in the mail, and yes he signed his name on all of them. Oops…

Diane J. said...

Too funny. I can't say my kids have ever put anything in the neighbors mailbox. However; the neighbors have found toys in their yards. I really do try to keep that under control.

I think my neighbors get more annoyed by the boys trying to freak each other out. They love to jump out at each other. Then there is screaming and hysterical laughing. I'm sure my neighbors are afraid of us. I do feel sorry for them, especially when I go to visit to get away from the kids only to have the kids come knocking to bring me home. Maybe they think I'm being held against my will.
Oh well, I try to make amends by bringing their garbage can to them and baking a super banana nut bread for the holidays.

Meagan and John said...

we actually have a very sweet mail man and when we moved just down the street he started deliverin our unforwarded mail with our old address to our house rather than making it take longer to send it back to be forwarded, so as a thankyou on christmas eve we made him coolies with a sweet thankyou, and it said something about if santa gets cookies this night for making delieveries once a yr we thought the mailman who delievers year round should get them too. Well Dominic helped me and he was so excited, I just didn't realize it would start a trend, needless to say our mailman gets lots of lovely "thankyou" letters from dominic, and he appreciates them, the others who fill in for him when he is off don't as much and days before mother's day when I let Dominic decorate my step mothers mother day envolope the sub mail person refused to take it cause he/she thought it was another "thankyou" card from Dominic--Hello did they not see the stamp?

www.lewis4higher.blogspot.com

WILLIAM said...

I don't know if Joan is nice or not...but you could have told her that the mail man is one of your kids father and that the present was for him.

lizcooper said...

My kids aren't old enough to put stuff in people's mailboxes yet. However, if my neighbor had an old cast hanging from a tree, I, (insert sarcasm here) personally would find some lovely gifts to stick in their mailbox.

Diva Ma @ Mommy Fabulous said...

Doesn't sound like your neighbor is too keen on the special deliveries. Old people lose their sense of humor!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

My kids also like to take things OUT of mailboxes. The whole "Hey! That's a federal offense" lecture doesn't seem to have deterred them yet.

lostintheshuffle said...

Hello Jana, The meanest mom...blog is very interesting. I am a new blogger with no skills...lucky me...I wish you well in the voting sector...just thought I would try & get a few tips. I Like your layout. My children have left the nest, & now it is me, the cats, & I. I am trying to learn all this techno..computer stuff...& trying my hand out in formatting. So far, I've lost everything I started..ha ha..Nice photo's...take care & best to ya!! Enjoy your blog lots.. Always, Rose

Jeannie said...

i love your blog, Meanest Mom. I found you a few weeks ago and I think we'd be friends IRL.

I'll vote for ya!

Now come on over to MY house :-)

Shaken Mama said...

I may just be dopey from sleeplessness, but I can't find your name amongst the nominees... duh... So I TRIED to vote for you.

Maisieharrison said...

I found your blog through the blog of a friend, and I must say that I have not been able to stop laughing at your wonderful wit and humor. We live out in the country, and there is only one mailbox (besides our own) within walking distance. Thankfully, my children have never put anything in it. Once, however, my then three year old angel took mail out of it. She watched her brother take our mail out of our mailbox, and decided to check our neighbor's mail for them! I promptly returned the mail to the box--as our neighbor's weren't home--and explained the whole "federal offense" but of course she wasn't buying it! When our neighbor returned home, I told him what had happened, but he just laughed and told me I could have kept the bills--as long as I was willing to pay for them! Thankfully we have a really good relationship.

Anonymous said...

We have two huge lemon trees and my children make "lemon people" for the neighbors. Sticks for arms and legs, lemon bodies and other found items for faces. They leave them on porches or set them up to look like they are playing in the neighbor's trees or flowers. I think they are creepy, like lemon voodoo dolls, but the neighbors are nice about it.

lostintheshuffle said...

Hello... All Moms, Ha..Ha..Ha..I found this all very funny,too... It brings back great memories when my two were little...Anonymous... You have some great neighbors and creative children. The lemon people with sticks for bodies is great stuff. My daughter skipped the paper clutter trail phase and went right into the wall drawing phase, all over the kitchen walls, continuing down the hallway walls to her bedroom. "Thank God, I owned this house". I quickly acquired a large chalk board and placed it in an area of the kitchen "we" both could agree on as "her" designated drawing area. She loved to draw & she loved stickers. She stickered everything. One time while we were out shopping, we went into this little clothing shop...she was in her stroller, when we left the shop my daughter was covered in stickers from the merchandise which she managed to pull off everything she could reach. She had them on her arms...hands, on her face, clothes,just everywhere. I was so shocked at how fast she could clean a small shop out of their price tags from the merchandise. I quickly returned into the shop and said, "huh"...I believe these price tags belong to you"... As I started peeling them off of my daughter one by one and handing them back to the sales person...who stood there with this gapping,strange look on her face;"Sorry", I said, and strolled out with my daughter in tow. The sales person still looked baffled, as I left her standing there with the stickers stuck to her; All I could do at that point was wonder how my daughter managed to obtain all those price tags,"how did she do that",as I chuckled to myself"? My daughter also stickered pieces of her furniture way into her middle school years. I still have a piece with stickers in tact...
just as a memory of those days gone by... Have a nice day, Moms Always,Rose lostintheshuffle122@gmail.com blogging on blog.com It's A Public's View

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