July 21, 2009

Jeff

Thank you for all of your prayers, online condolences and sympathy cards regarding my airplane ride out west. Our return trip this weekend was made considerably easier by a functioning DVD player and the presence of my husband.

Like our outward bound flight, our flight home was jam packed. My family's popularity was confirmed when the very last passenger to board the plane was directed to our aisle. The lucky ducky this time around was a nineteen-year-old math prodigy named Jeff. Through an extensive pre-flight debriefing, I learned that Jeff is from Philadelphia, took Calculus in the eighth grade, just finished his freshman year at M.I.T., and had spent the previous week at a math conference in Park City. As the plane took off, Jeff plugged in his headphones and nestled into a workbook filled with equations, graphs, and other things that give me nightmares and diarrhea.


After trying, but ultimately failing to imagine a scenario that would involve me doing math problems for fun, I began wondering if Jeff had any other interests. As it turned out, he does. As I learned during the second hour of the flight, Jeff also likes Japanese cartoons. I smiled when Jeff began watching an anime cartoon on his computer. I stopped smiling a few minutes later, however, when two of the cartoon characters started taking off their clothes.

I was sitting with Cameron in the middle seat next to Jeff at the time and Camber was sitting next to me on the aisle. My husband was in the row directly in front of me with the two boys.

I thought briefly about saying something to Jeff directly, but quickly dismissed this idea as being too honest and courteous.

"Tim!" I hissed, kicking my husband's chair. "Camber needs to switch seats with you NOW!"

My husband ignored the pilot's insistence to remain seated and swapped seats with our daughter while I stared at Jeff from an uncomfortably close distance until he closed his laptop lid.

To ensure that the laptop would remain closed for the remainder of the flight, I continued to stare--unblinking--at the poor guy until my husband poked me in the ribs and told me to knock it off.

*****
Any close encounters with the perverse kind? Don't get me started on public libraries....

38 comments

Colleen said...

My husband and I typically hit the book store after dinner in town. Low and behold a man in his early 40's was reading Playboy in a lounge chair. My husband didn't believe me so he walked by the poor sap, neither did the two staff members at the store. So they walked by the man, he never blinked and eye or noticed the people staring at him. I still can't bring myself to sit in that chair in BAM!

Scrapingirl said...

That is one of the reasons we don't ler our kids go into movie rental places. They don't need to see that kinda garbage. Your life is truly exciting. :) I'm sure you wish it wasn't though.

Lindy said...

I blame the math.

April said...

Some years ago, we took a road trip with our kids. We live in a very rural area, so traffic jams are fascinating for those children who have never seen one. Also, DVD players in vehicles were rather new and very intriguing for those poor, country kids whose parents delight in depriving them of such technilogical wonders. Two little sets of eyes sat transfixed on the small video screen in the car next to us for several minutes until my husband looked over and saw that the movie playing in the car next to us was an "adult movie".

Michelle said...

Glad your flight was better. Flying with my 3 by myself next week. I hope we don't get stuck by any perves. My plan is for the three kids together across the aisle from me so we should be safe. Now if they actually follow my instructions to not kick the seat in front of them.

Reese said...

Oh dear. My very cool (I mean, weird and extremely out of shape) neighbors host their own "japanese anime night" every Sunday. Jeff would fit right in to the group. They even wear t-shirts with their favorite half-dressed character. Must be the next big thing:)
Glad you had a better trip home......I laughed out loud at your previous experience, probably because it hit so close to home.

Angie said...

I'm new to your blog so had to go back and read about your flight. It made my day, as I haven't laughed so much for a long time. I have this problem of finding others misfortunes funny ...sorry.
I now need a large coffee so that I can sit and read more of your past posts.xx

Shosh said...

on my last flight, a man brought a FEMA search and rescue service dog on the flight. it was a HUGE dog - and of course, the man was sitting next to ME. in the 2 seater section. his enormous dog laid down in both of our foot space. it was so ridiculous that it was funny. i spent some time trying to figure out how to arrange my feet so as not to be resting them ON TOP of the dog, until finally, the flight attendant had mercy on me and moved my seat.
but seriously - id take a dog in my foot space over Jeff any day.

Ruth P. said...

Very funny! No pervs on any flight I've ever been on, and I did a lot, with 3 little kids before rollers on suitcases, I still don't remember how I did this. While I flew as the grandma to CA and back in late April, we had the good fortune to have movies in the back of the seat in front of us, with loads of choices.
And the only perv we ever came across was while driving with a carful of kids in the 1980's from NYC through heavy traffic toward the Lincoln tunnel, and we noticed a guy in sunglasses flicking his hmm... out of his pants, following us on the sidewalk until we lost him. The kids thought it was hilarious.

Janae said...

If you ever drive down the Las Vegas Blvd or just even the freeway there it is embarrising just seeing the ads on cars, billboards, and just some of the people. I would have probably said something to him.

Christa said...

My sisters (at the time 16 &11) and I went to the local mall. They had recently moved two departments out of the big department store into smaller stores to make more room...and to take up dead space in the mall, because that's how badly our mall sucks. Anywho...we were in the "home department" and wandering around looking at things. My little sister comes up and says I think you need to go check on the girl back there...I go to the back and in a corner between to columns are two teenagers having "relations" right there. I cleared my throat rather louadly and said "what are you doing?" the girls turned around and said "uhm, what do you think?"
Yeah it was time to leave...I would have told one of the other workers except...she was the worker. So I had to go find someone else in another store to tell.

Anonymous said...

You know, there's actually a word for that kind of anime. I didn't know this until I was looking through the computer history. Over the next few years of dealing with my teen I learned far more than I ever wanted to know about that whole area of life. *sigh*

Nikki said...

lmao That's absolutely hilarious!

My friend sent me a DVD with one of those cartoons once, I was like "WHOA" but laughed it off. He knows that I know he's a perv.

Anyway, I always have direct encounters with the perverse kind. By the way, I have yet to meet a non-perverted guy, just some are super secretive about it. I have that kind of personality that allows them to let it out. It makes me giggle. Boys are silly.

Olivia Singleton said...

I sat next to a teenage boy masturbating to a porn novel on a flight from Indy to Denver. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I have the unnatural fear that pretty much every stranger I meet is a perv. Not fair, I know, but it keeps me on my toes.

And pretty much 80% of all male flight passengers on planes read Maxim (porn in disguise). I get easily annoyed.

Rene said...

I worked at a 24 hour store & was working the 11pm to 7am shift. I kept the door locked and I could choose not to let someone in if I wanted. About 3am I heard a timid knock & there, to my surprise, was a FLASHER. I did what anyone in these circumstances would do I called the police and I laughed and laughed. The cops said he was most likely cured after that trauma to his ego.

Anonymous said...

Well boys will be boys at whatever age....... More on topic, I run a science oriented blog up in Canada. I posted two long lists of science sites kids can get have fun with during their summer break( http://cbt20.org ) and maybe get dad involved too instead of naughty stuff!

Shannon G. said...

Cartoon porn? What's the point?!

I have had the experience a previous commenter had with the in-car DVD systems. You look over and BAM! - someone is watching porn in the comfort of their not-so-private car. Sheesh.

Courtney said...

When I was a teenager I was on a flight home with my family after attending a funeral for my Grandfather. Another teenager girl joined our row and shared with us some of the yummiest ecclairs ever. She then proceeded to explain to us that she found this little donught shop when she "broke out" one night from her school for troubled teens. You see as it turns out she tried to kill her parents in their sleep a few months back and was sent away to this special place. I sat the rest of the flight wide eyed as she enlightened us on all the wonderous things that go on at her "school".

mindij said...

I'm with Lindy-it's all that math.

Foursons said...

Bahahahaha! Staring without blinking. That cracks me up!

{Kiki} said...

math makes me horny for anime too. just kidding. i hate math and anime. at least you had a easier time back this flight. just sorry you have that cartoon in your head now. one of my favorite things to do on the road is peek into cars with DVD players and try to figure out what everyone is watching. i remember some hullabaloo back when they first started having DVD players in cars and folks were upset to be driving by a car and they see porn. take care.
-Kiki

Jo's girl said...

oh dude! nothing like some good anime porn in close quarters. what is WRONG with some people and busting out inappropriate stuff in mixed company. I get the whole teenagers are not quiet to the point where they need to think about anyone but them selves. but seriously? cartoon porn in front of kids? come ON! the only thing we usually have to deal with is people dropping the f-bomb in front of my kids or choosing other choice words that earn them the steeliest glare I can muster. man if only some one puked on him. that would be just, I think.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Oh, I am a math person (former HS teacher) but I promise not all math people are pervs!

Of course, I am not on the level with Jeff. I didn't take Calculus until college. Nor did I attend MIT. Nor do I like Anime.

Just a disclaimer. LOL

Sambo said...

the general term for pervy anime is hentai. it's too bad that anime so often has pretty pervy stuff in it, because a lot of it is better than most american animations. you have to be pretty careful though.

Meagan and John said...

OK, I was going to comment here but then realized it was way too long so I am just going to put my comment on my blog @ www.lewis4higher.blogspot.com I am adding it right now

Anonymous said...

In my early 20's, my first airplane flight was to Hawaii. I was flying alone and was seated next to a Japanese guy. He never said a word to me, but at the end of the flight he got out his video camera, pointed it my way, and videotaped me for what seemed like 10 minutes (no, he wasn't filming out the window). I hope I'm not in some weirdo Japanese porno.

Meagan and John said...

ok, as I blogged about one experience I totally remembered a ton of other experiences I had, including an unaccompanied minor sittign infront of a man looking at questionable material, so I posted that on my other blog www.thepottyblogger.blogspot.com if you guys want to check it out.

Honestly though how do these people get away with this, hasn't anybody heard of indecent exposure, a friend of mines soon to be ex husband is being busted for it right now, he woudl probably be in jail if he wasn't still being hospitalized for swollowing all those pills (if there was any justice in this world all those pills would've caused perminent chemical castration--but who knows they might have
)

Stacy said...

Ok, so I did attend MIT...and all I can say is that sounds about right....


(I only lasted one semester - the people there are a bit..um...eccentric...yeah, eccentric).

Anonymous said...

During one of my field hockey games we had a boy run across the field butt naked and danced in front of our goalie. (she was mortified!) It was rather hilarious but the next year we were not allow to play that team again.

Greg and Heidi said...

Oh my! I like to pretend those perverts only exist on Law and Order: SVU. Sorry about that. And sorry about the molluscum thing. That has gone through my other two boys. One has it real bad and I don't have time to do the dermatologists visits so I am having faith in the "they will eventually go away" option.
Take care-
Heidi Skidmore

Elizabeth said...

I work with a certain religious vocational rehabilitation center/thrift store. Part of my job is interviewing applicants. One time I got three convicted child molesters in one week. Three! In a week!

Anonymous said...

Just yesterday at the pool, the lifeguards had on a radio station where the DJ was saying "pulling out is not a form of birth control!"
Not something I am ready to explain to my 7 yr old....

The Mom said...

We once pulled up behind a large SUV at a stop light late at night. They had a large fold down DVD screen in their truck, probably 17" across. It was easily visible to us sitting behind them at the light. The problem... They were watching PORN, oh and some just slightly HBO porn. It was the real deal.
That was the longest light I ever sat at.

Kira said...

I was riding in the car with my mother not too long ago..and there was this huge SUV in front of us all tricked out and we could see a small dvd player/TV for the back seat. As we got closer I noticed a fairly interesting porn was playing on the TV. Then my mother pipes up next to me "OMG! is that a d***!?!"

I don't know what was funnier...someone playing porn in their back seat...or my mothers outburst.

CaptainCaveMan said...

HA HA HA!!!..I laugh at all of you and you sheltered existences.It comes down to this simple fact....You dont like what you see??....THEN DONT LOOK!!
Just keep your "blinders" on and go blithly about your lives,and remember. JUDGE NOT!!,Lest ye be judged as well!Keep your selfrightious attitudes in the "Bible Belt"
Now I DO have to agree that some situations ARE WRONG!!Alas pervs do exist.

Kristen said...

Don't hate the math.

me said...

I used to ride th Amtrak train from San Diego to LA. One morning, just after boarding the 7am train, I headed to the cafe ans was treated to the full on boink fest that the lovely internet porn websites provide.

I think I was more perplexed by the need to watch porn at 7am than the need to watch porn on a public train.

Really people?