October 11, 2009

The Room Mother Halloween Party


The most recent thorn in my side is my assistant room mother, a woman named Melanie. Technically, Melanie and I share the title of room mother, but I've already secretly demoted her. Don't get me wrong; Melanie is a perfectly nice person. My husband thinks that's part of the problem. In the fifteen total minutes that I've spent with Melanie, I learned that she gets a 25% discount at the local craft store and has been a room mother for six consecutive years. Melanie is also a licensed nurse and gets to wear white clogs and a stethoscope around her neck all day.

Now you can see why I can't work with her. I seethe with jealousy.

On Friday, Melanie and I met with our children's first grade teacher, who told us that we are responsible for the class Halloween party. The party is supposed to last 45 minutes and is to include a costume parade around the school parking lot, a game, a snack, and an age-appropriate craft.

After the meeting was over, I made Melanie a very generous offer: I would take charge of the Halloween party if she would coordinate the Thanksgiving Feast.

Melanie smiled politely and told me that she would rather work on both parties together.

"Are you okay?" Melanie asked a few seconds later.

I lied and told her that my twitch of annoyance was really a facial tic.

"I have a craft idea," I said, ignoring her suggestion that we brainstorm ideas together.

On cue, I produced a toilet paper pumpkin from my bag.

(photo and how-to from Chocolate on my Cranium)

Melanie continued to smile politely but shook her head when I asked her if she wanted to hold the pumpkin.

"That's very nice," she said, "But sadly, I don't think that's a realistic craft for this school," she told me. She went on to point out the fact that we couldn't solicit monetary donations for class parties and that parental response to requests for supplies was spotty at best.

I began to resent having an assistant and wondered if I could fire her.

"You'd better watch it," husband warned, "Or she's going to fire you."

The fear of losing the job and my position of superiority put things in perspective. I instantly shaped up and gave the green light to an exciting and totally unique game called "Pin the Hat on the Witch."

That was Friday. Yesterday at my daughter's soccer game, another room mother from the school asked me what I'm planning to be.

I didn't know what she was talking about until she informed me that all of the room moms traditionally wear costumes to the Halloween parties.

Some good ideas take weeks to germinate before they take root. Others blossom instantly.

"I'm going to be a nurse," I announced.

I told the woman that I would be wearing handmade scrubs made out of fabric purchased with a 25% off coupon from the craft store. I left out the fact that my name badge will read "Head Nurse" and instead of wearing one stethoscope around my neck, I will have two.

31 comments

Audra said...

I just want to leave the first comment! I hope your nurse costume includes clogs!

Kira said...

Hahahhaha! I kinda like the toilet paper pumpkin idea!!!

Anonymous said...

the funniest thing ever is that in my Google Reader, there was an ad for nursing scrubs following your post.

golden girl said...

my kiddo's class made that toilet paper thing last year in K3. parents didn't provide any of the crafts. just sayin'. me thinks miss nurse should go back to the ER and stay there. leave the deets to the kick ass room mother. your party ideas will be super better anyways. she'll prob give tongue depressors to all the kids as favors. take care.

Angie said...

This is why I can never be a room mother. You have all my sympathy.

Lin said...

lol, this is why I dont like to work with other people. I hate it when they're like 'yeah thats a good idea, but nooo...'

I hope your costume & party turn out great!

BTW, I totally think your toilet paper pumpkin idea was way better than the witch game ;)

Emz said...

You rock those scrubs lady!!!! Love the costume idea.

GypsyNurse said...

Ok.. I will donate you all the scrubs you want..#1.. I am a nurse..(NP in practicing..but who's counting!) And I will tell you NURSES are bitches... evil ones! but Room mothers...AHHHH Girl..sorry to say... you entered Hell! But I would be more than happy to support any CIA,KGB,FBI undercover covert acts you need to perform!

Rachel said...

If this was Facebook I would have to give a thumbs up... I love this! 9 cups of awesomeness!

Jenny said...

Melanie will probably come dressed as a jealous head room mother with a facial tic and an intense desire to make toilet paper pumpkins.

Crystal said...

That is soooo AWESOME!!! Let me just say that I LOVED this post! i am still LOL!!!! Does Melanie know you have a blog? hehe I thought your idea was awesome! So much better than the paper crafts that just get thrown away! So you had better be a nurse now!

torynsmommy said...

i love the pumpkins!!i am going to try to us this idea for work..

Too Many Hats said...

That will show her who is boss - LOL. Wait, you better hope she doesn't come as chief of staff.

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

This is hilarious!

Ooo...coming as a HEAD NURSE would be awesome! Or you could come all wrapped up looking like a TP pumpkin!! That would be funny too. ;)

MamaOtwins+1 said...

Dear Head Nurse,
Please don't forget that the kiddos like the cool stickers all the best nurses have hiding in their pockets ;)
Also can we file a complaint against assistant nurse for being rude and inconsiderant or and a know it all?

Carrie said...

hahaha!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Please be a nurse...so funny!

HW said...

I'm willing to bet she will veto every idea you have in the future too. Some people just have to be in charge no matter what.

When I was a room mother, we didn't have to wear costumes. We did, however, have to wear tacky seasonal sweaters or vests - usually with some whimsical seasonal earrings as well.

And now I want to thank you. For the first time in a long time I do not miss having small children who need classroom parties. I've been through that fire and made it out the other side. Yay me.

Kamity said...

Dang, I was hoping you'd wear that "Nurse Hot Flash" costume Camber found for you last year.

What? You mean you didn't buy it?!

Anonymous said...

After reading a few of your posts....I must say you that you are one of the biggest snobs that I have ever seen. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Sue said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. You are one funny girl.

regina said...

i like you. i am petty and jealous also and proud of it. turns out you can wear scrubs it you excel in the above confession.

GypsyNurse said...

i had a room mommy melt down today... that will only get worse in the am....

ugh!
I m feeling your pain!

Mindi D said...

That is super funny!! I'm secretly hoping Melanie doesn't read your blog?? ..but then again, she probably doesn't have time for blogging! Ha ha!

Kira said...

Hey "Anonymous" Stuff it. If you really had brass balls you wouldn't have posted as anonymous. Shes one of the best bloggers I have come across!

Halloween Guest said...

I agree golden girl. there is no need for that kind of negative comments. we all read to learn and for fun. And writing comment as "Anonymous" not brave enough!

lisha said...

Why is it that "Perfect People" like that are always rude and snobby to us under-acheiver types? It's like they can smell the imperfection.

Pipoy said...

do you thing that a vampire in blue scrubs would fit as a Halloween custom?

Carla said...

I think black scrubs would fit much better during Halloween. :)

VanityofVanities said...

haha. Indeed, you are jealous of her, though I love your idea, eh. Can't fight the urged to laugh when I read the last paragraph.haha.

Thanks for sharing,
Cathy@home medical equipment

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