November 25, 2009

The Turkeys that Weren't Pardoned


Every year, we eat Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors. When left to their own devices, Chuck, Helen-Marie, and their college-aged daughters pass over the turkey and stuffing in favor of homemade ravioli and made-from-scratch garlic bread. Fortunately they have me and my awesome cooking to save them from themselves.

My children spent the first part of the day fighting with each other in the basement. After lunch, I suggested that they take a break from the festivities and make seating placards for our dining room table (I'm one step away from Martha Stewart, I know). The process of tracing one's hand into the shape of a turkey took almost an hour. An equal amount of time, or so it seemed, was spent writing our dinner guests' names onto the pieces of paper.

Tragedy struck when Cortlen's turkey plopped himself onto the place setting next to the one occupied by Camber's turkey.

"You can't sit there!" my accommodating daughter screamed. "That's Helen-Marie's seat!"

Cortlen's turkey did not like to told what to do, especially by a bird with a bad attitude and pink toenails. He responded by ripping off those toenails, and the legs to which they were attached.

Although fatally wounded, Camber's turkey mustered enough strength in her dying breath to poke a hole through Cortlen's turkey with a fork.

Sadly, only four out of the eleven people eating dinner at our house tomorrow will know where to sit at the table.

The rest of the turkeys perished in the skirmish.

14 comments

Janille said...

Those turkeys are vicious. For reals. Your kids were just being true to the nature of the bird.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Well those four people will be VERY thankful. Happy thanksgiving!

midnight hysteria said...

you ab-sooo-luuut-lee CANNOT be making this stuff up ... i love it ... happy thanksgiving to your darling bunch of kidlets and to you and your dh ....

Momfever said...

Funny!
Kids, aren't they lovely...

Emmy said...

Oh no! But pretty funny I must admit.
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving

Anonymous said...

Well, while the girls are wandering around the dinner table, confused about seating arrangements, you could use the opportunity to steal more of their shoes. So really your children did you a favor with the 2D turkey massacre.

Working Mommy said...

I can't wait until the babe has siblings to have funny antics that I can write about!!

Happy Turkey Day!!

~Working Mommy
Come on by, stay for a while and leave a comment or two!!

A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

On the bright side, the children were occupied for well over an hour.

And I was occupied for five minutes reading it.

And now I'm still laughing. I wonder how long that will occupy me?

Jo's girl said...

that is a thanksgiving tragedy! the massacre of the turkey table settings of 2009. this day will go down in history!
although like your smart neighbors we always opt for thanksgiving some where else too. however I can't boast of home made ravioli and garlic bread. as fond of italian cuisine as I am... having grown up in the great state of the pilgrims landing. I just could never bring myself to disgrace this wonderful holiday with anything less than turkey with all the trimmings and proverbial pumpkin pie. hope every thing turns out well. :) happy turkey day. theres so much to be grateful for.

Malea said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you, and your four little turkey's!

MommyAmy said...

Aaaahhh... THE HOLIDAYS!!!!

Makes you wanna poke someone's eye out, don't it?

samantha said...

hey jana! i found your blog through brooke's blog. your blog is so funny - love the title! and i just love that little turkey costume.

i hope you had a great thanksgiving!

feel free to check out my blog!

Chief said...

So classic! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Melissa said...

LOL! I made my kids make those same handprint turkey place markers to get them to stop fighting! So funny!