February 1, 2010

The Master's Touch


Every January, my husband's employer partners with a large national charity. No one is forced to donate a portion of their monthly paycheck of course, but employees in departments with 100% participation are given gold stars and entered into an end of the month raffle. Employees who ignore the posters and 3,000 reminder emails are put on probation and forced to pass out juice and cookies at February's blood drive.

The raffle is a big deal and always involves balloons, chips and salsa and at least one big wig from the corporate office to draw the names out of a hat. Last year, my husband's boss won a 60" flat screen television set. Tim won a $5 gift card to Dunkin' Donuts. This year, one my husband's college interns won two tickets to the Superbowl. My husband won a Webkinz cat.

The sight of the object caused all three of its potential owners to pant and drool.

"Can I have it?" everyone asked at once.

After a brief huddle, it was decided that the only fair solution was to award the treasure to the child who responded to his/her father's requests with the phrase "Yes, my Master" for the longest interval of time.

"Pick up your shoes please," I told Kellen, pointing to the piles of sneakers scattered across the kitchen floor.

I watched carefully for any movement. My husband confirmed that there wasn't any.

"Put your shoes away like your mom asked," Tim commanded a few seconds later.

Senses miraculously restored, my son hopped to his feet and scurried around the floor, collecting his belongings.

There is no justice in this world. Only overpriced stuffed animals.

"You need the Master's touch," my husband explained.

27 comments

The G Fam said...

I love your blog! Every post seriously makes me laugh!!!

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

You crack me up.

Mary~Momathon said...

I need one of those cats!

ErinQ said...

Brilliant! You are going to have an awesome half-day tomorrow (predicted time until you kids wise up to the fact that it isn't worth it). But, it will be a wonderful few hours.

Kelly said...

I love that game! I am totally going to use that.

SanitySrchr said...

My daughter has over 40, yes I typed that correctly, 40 Webkinz!!! The trick is for all of the children to share the computer time! Maybe your new game will help to determine which one of mine will actually get the computer time!

Vicky said...

HAHA...only a man would refer to it as the 'Master's Touch'! Just go get something better than a Webkinz to hold over their head and you can beat him out! Nothing like a great bribe to reconcile with!

Jennifer said...

AWESOME!

The Denny Family said...

That has to be the most hilarious thing I have ever read.

Emz said...

I agree with Vicky - love it. Love the way men think/work.

Lauren Borquez said...

LOL Thanks for my morning laugh :)

Emmy said...

Lol!! Too too funny. Hmmm, what toy should I go buy to bribe my kids??

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I should totally tie Webkinz around my neck and flaunt them all day while I make demands on my children. I bet it would work for a couple days at least.

HT said...

LOL.

Isn't it sad that kids now also require incentives to do what they should be doing in the first place?? What is our society coming to......(Please note the sarcasm in what I'm saying! No hate mail please!)

Too Many Hats said...

Hahaha - two can play that game - go out and buy your own webkinz.

Margaret said...

Lol I would be so mad if my kids didn't listen to me. Oh well at least the listen to someone!

Kristy said...

love your ironical blog!

adhocmom said...

Very impressive in a "lemonades out of lemons" sort of way. Well done sister!
x,
Paula
www.adhocmom.com

Dana said...

Bribery is really awesome!!! You got to get yourself something like that little Webkins that sends the little ones scurrying!!!

Stef and Bry said...

HILLarious!!

Laura said...

Bribery seems to work everytime ;-) Damn, wish the teenagers were that inspired with a cat.

Jennifer said...

'The Master's Touch' -- classic!!
Men...

A Mother's Thoughts said...

HaHa, too funny, well the gifts are getting more expensive, so in about ten years he will probably win a two day, two night accomodations somewhere (we won't say outloud that they are usually sponcered gifts) lol Good luck with your new found wealth.

Shannon said...

My husband and i have similar conversations quite often. I believe he even called himself the Master at one point!

mom24orsinis said...

the funniest thing for me is that as I was attempting to steal a few minutes to read your blog and be encouraged by another Mom of 4, 2 of my offspring found me in the bathroom, saw the foot of that cat and started to hyperventilate "IS THAT A WEBKINZ? IS THAT A WEBKINZ CAT??? SCROLL UP! SCROLL UP!"!!!!

I can imagine the kind of respect the cat would command in real life...lucky you...

Pam said...

We have a gazillion webkinz that my kids HAD to buy with their hard earned allowance. They're now stuffed away in a closet.

Working Mommy said...

Men...they think they RULE the world!!

~WM