February 8, 2010

Pants

There is much to envy about my life. Tops among my good fortunes are my TWO studly mail carriers.

Jimmy is our Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday guy. He has hair down to his shoulder blades and went to high school with half of the neighborhood. He also has a spit cup attached to his dashboard with duct tape and is missing his left pointer finger. I desperately want to ask Jimmy about his missing finger, but my husband says that it's more important that we get all of our mail.

Our Monday/Wednesday/Friday mailman is named Dave. Compared to the competition, Dave is a supermodel. From what I can tell, Dave has all of his original teeth and two distinct eyebrows. He also wears short shorts year round. Asking Dave why he wears shorts in subfreezing temperatures is also high on my list of things to do this winter. In exchange for two boxes of Girl Scout cookies, however, I promised my husband that I would not engage Dave in direct conversation about his Daisy Dukes for at least three months.

Usually I am good for my word, but some circumstances make promises impossible to keep. This afternoon, I watched Dave run his mail truck into the snow embankment next to our mailbox for the second time in three weeks. After a few minutes of spinning his wheels, screaming obscenities into the sky, and kicking his hubcaps, Dave marched up my driveway and pounded on my front door.

"Can I borrow your snow shovel again?" he asked through gritted teeth.

By the time Dave finished digging himself out of the knee-high snow bank, his bare thighs were purple.

"Don't do it," begged Cortlen. I promised my son $5 if he gets me through March.

"Can I get you anything else?" I asked Dave when he returned the shovel. Dave was half way back to his truck before I added, "Maybe some pants?"

Without turning around, Dave snorted and shouted back, "You're one to talk!"



For the record, pajama bottoms are pants. In some countries. And on most college campuses.

44 comments

reen said...

I so love that Cortlen is supporting you! Even if it is for a cash reward.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

PJs count. I'm with ya. Especially with those hard-bottomed slippers/knock-off Uggs. Then they are practically formal wear.

Amanda said...

Greatest. Post. EVER!!!!!

Queen of Crafts, Current Events, and Such. said...

they are where I live Meanest Mom....8 public pajama sightings in my town so far this season....2 with slippers

Samurai Mom said...

lol

Jordan said...

Pfft. Dave and BYU-I should get with it.

Melanie Gao said...

A missing index finger? And all the other fingers are intact? That *is* intriguing! And more important than getting your mail, in my opinion.

GooChick said...

Seriously, tears were streaming down my cheeks as I read this!

I live in MN where every day is winter, yet as I was going into IHOP last weekend (I know!) a man walked out wearing a pair of shorts. Like you, I couldn't bite my tongue. He didn't seem too happy about my acknowledgment but c'mon! If you're wearing shorts and there's a couple FEET of snow on the ground, it's kind of like wearing white after Labor Day!

Deanna said...

Oh, my goodness. I'm laughing hysterically at this...and the BYU-I comment. LOL! Good times.

I wish I could say something funny about our mailman, but he just talks to himself and the silly blue-tooth he wears. Who would you talk to ALL day? Hmmmm...

the Klimeks said...

Oh, Jana! I am a regular lurker of the Meanest Mom, but today, I had to comment. If you think your mailmen leave something to be desired, read about Jim, my mailman. I always wondered about him, and this article confirmed my suspicions about his "liquid lunches"!
http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=14957797&BRD=1132&PAG=461&dept_id=157660&rfi=6
P.S. My father is a retired mail carrier--he and my mother vacation to Florida every winter to a gated retirement village that is exclusive to retired postal carriers! It is called "Nalcrest", but my sisters and I call it "Mail Crust". Just imagine all of those crazy, old postmen all gathered in one place....
:-)

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

HAHA!!!! That's funny. You sure did get a TON of snow there. I'm hoping for atleast half of that tomorrow.

Cas said...

Seriously, I have laughed for 10 minutes straight over this one. It would have took more than 2 boxs of cookies to keep me quiet. I would also like to point out when I go to the grocery store (this is a public place keep in mind) I usually see no less 3 people in pj bottoms. So I think that totally changes the classification of them to pants...at least yours legs were covered and protected from the cold...maybe he is working on his snow tan!

michelle said...

Love your bog! Can't get enough of it! This is my first comment. Just wanted to say I totally think pajams are pants since I call them "pajama pants," but just a little warning that if you wear them to the Bountiful, UT Smith's Marketplace between 3:00-5:00 my daughter will be there and will ask very loudly "why that woman is wearing her pajamas to the store?"..........Just sayin'....it's happened before.....consider yourself warned...

Audra said...

And at Walmart!

Maureen said...

This is hilarious! He totally called you out- the purple legged mailman!

Jennifer said...

I had to share this article I read yesterday with you about the trend of pajamas in public in Shanghai -
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/02/05/shanghais-crackdown.html
so, you're not too lazy to get dressed, you're trendy...in China.

A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

Two boxes of Samoas.

Was it worth it?

Jennifer said...

ok..i thought the pajama ban in China was interesting, until a friend just sent me this link :
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/fashion/2010/02/06/2010-02-06_pajamas_in_her_jeans.html

i want pajama-jeans now!

Elle said...

I LOVE it!

WILLIAM said...

It used to be sweat pants...now it is PJ's...no one dresses like June anymore. No one tries to impress their husbands?

Ben said...

LOL! ...and for the record, before I started teaching early morning Seminary there were many days when I worked all day at home in my PJs.

Julie at Perfect Paper Shop said...

I've been reading your blog for about a week now. I look forward to it everyday. I'm addicted! Thanks for bringing some comic relief to my day!

Hilary said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one with a crazy mail man. Ours wears a full fledged gas mask every day.

Evie's Story said...

IM laughing out loud. New to your blog and loving it!

Ive traveled the world abroad and can attest that the US is the only country in which it is acceptable to wear PJ pants to brunch. To church. To Target.

Its appalling.!

.....and Im so glad to live in the USA:-)!!

Emmy said...

Lol! Love it!! Too too funny.. I am in my pajamas still too :)

Melissa said...

I totally agree with you, and most afternoons when I do not have to work, I am still IN them... BUT I hope you gave the man a good tip this holiday season if you still want to receive all of your mail... (and maybe a pair of pants)

Shoequeen said...

I think I have found the perfect solution to the stares at wearing pajamas. I found them yesterday while looking for something else online and they are pajama jeans http://www.pajamajeans.com/Default.aspx?bhcp=1. I have not seen them in person but they have pockets and everything.

Dana said...

Maybe Dave is hoping that when bumping into hot woman like yourself with their pajama pants that his shorts will be a stay at home moms fantacy or something. YOu never know. Maybe you can make the story up about him that he's allergic to pants or he had some horrific childhood experience involving pants and refuses to where them. By the way pajama pants are a must when cleaning up puke or toddlers who are learning to potty train !!!! Do you get to keep the cookies???

Krista said...

Peeing my pants. Enough said. And yes, I'm wearing "pants", albeit, pajama pants.

Too Many Hats said...

In all fairness, you didn't ask him. Your still good until March. Hahaha, I thought PJs were the official mom uniform.

Jodie said...

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/02/05/shanghais-crackdown.html
Shanghai's Crackdown on... Pajamas

maybe a move to Shanghai is in order... unless the crackdown works... :)

Lora said...

This post made me snort. That's a good thing.

Parenting Ink said...

At least your mailman delivers YOUR mail. Mine throws our mail in my neighbor's bushes. Maybe he didn't like the homemade cookies I gave him last Christmas...
Can you take a picture of Dave (well, and of Jimmy, too)?

Margaret said...

Lol that is too funny!

AlsoMean said...

everyone stayed in their PJs all day long yesterday at our house - took showers and put on their PJs again.

Everyone except for me since I helped to shovel the street. Not really a PJs kind of job when you have 20 inches of snow....

RN Mama said...

Hahaha, I love this most:) Seriously though, he was wearing the shorty shorts even in the snow? That's insane.

Heidi said...

LMAO...that's all I have to say! :)

Renny said...

Hahahaha.
You weren't wearing pajama pants out in the snow. (Were you?) I mean, they'd get soaking wet and you'd freeze, even though you wouldn't be able to see them, your thighs would be purple.
He can't even compare.

Heidi said...

OMG, I am laughing SO HARD right now! You have me WEAZING!!! Thank you, Jana! You are so freaking hilarious!!!

Liz said...

Dang, how come your life is so interesting???

I still wanna know why he wears the shorts!

Kelli said...

Shorts in the dead of winter....it's just not right! I recently saw a man at the grocery store. The fact that he sported a parka really didn't make a lot of sense in light of the fact that his legs were bare from the knees down! Well, with the exception of the over-the-calf socks and the tightly laced hiking boots.
Go figure.

Working Mommy said...

Those definitely qualify for pants on all college campuses - and got me through most of my adult life before bed and in public!!

~WM

Anonymous said...

I also wear shorts all year but I am no mailman just high school boy. I got used to it but people always make comments when they see me cos I live in Central Europe and we have cold winters.
Scott

Sweating in the endless heat said...

Thanks for the AWESOME laugh:-)