March 11, 2010

The Born Again Mom

On Monday, my daughter "forgot" to put her homework folder in her backpack at the end of the school day.

On Tuesday, she brought the folder home, but it was empty.

"I forgot!" she insisted.

On Wednesday morning, I tied a piece of red yarn around her pointer finger.

When she came home from school on the third consecutive day without any busy work, I emailed her teacher.

Today, the homework folder made it home, its contents intact.

"Praise the Lord!" I shouted.

My daughter dumped her backpack on the floor and locked herself in the bathroom.

"I'm not doing my homework!" she proclaimed.

"Open up!"I said. Gentle taps gradually gave way to soft pounding.

After a few minutes, I forgot the overall objective of my actions. Did I have to use the bathroom? Did I need to wash my hands? Why was I knocking on the door? Confused, I retired to the sofa, where my eighteen-month-old was waiting with a picture book that I've read to him no fewer than 500 times.

Several minutes later, my daughter emerged from the bathroom and sauntered over to where I was sitting.

"Why did you stop knocking on the door?" she asked, hands on her hips. "Isn't that what a mom is supposed to do?"

"Huh?" I asked, looking up from the book.

She tapped her foot. "You're supposed to beg me to do my homework," she continued.

Her presence jogged my memory. I shrugged my shoulders and looked disinterested. "I don't do that anymore," I replied. "I've been born again."

My daughter was not interested in knowing more about what that meant. She only wanted to drive home the point that I had failed her.

"You don't even care!" she wailed.

"I do care," I replied. By this time, I was in the bathroom, washing my hands in preparation for making dinner. On my way out, I closed the door. Camber and I both heard the dreaded click.

"You didn't unlock the door after your freak out," I said matter-of-factly.

Without any prompting, Camber decided that it was a good time to abandon her lamentations and start doing her homework.

I spent the next thirty minutes trying to pick the lock from the outside.

"I need to get in there," my daughter told me in the middle of my labors. She was holding her crotch. "Can you hurry up and open the door?"

"Use another bathroom," I said through gritted teeth. My husband can open locked doors in 5 seconds; I lack the magic touch.

My daughter groaned and stomped off. Walking up a flight of stairs is sooooo inconvenient.

25 comments

Deanna said...

Looks like she may be more diligent it getting her homework done next time...giving her the benefit of the doubt, of course.

Sarah said...

hehehe..this is awesome. its my life at least once per week. ask your hubby to get you a long pokey metal object to stick in the little hole on the door knob. ooh or a capri sun straw will work too.

word verification: restru (haha like restroom)

Gwenevere said...

Karma?

sewmanybooks.blogspot.com

Caitlin said...

hahaha, call me next time. i'm the master at opening locked doors, we have a flathead screwdriver that is the perfect size.

My Mercurial Nature said...

Too funny (and exhausting)! I've gotta work on that "born again" mom-stuff...I might've beaten the door in.

A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6) said...

Homework, memory loss and pee. Surprisingly provides too much blog fodder for me. Hey, remember when I was fun and pretty and smart?

Yeah, me neither.

Hailey said...

Jana, I am a university student in Western Australia. During more boring lectures from my most incoherent professor, I like to use my laptop to read your blog instead of making notes. You deserve to be congratulated for your humour - however, you should know that my facade has nearly been foiled on multiple occasions because sometimes (usually) your posts are so hilarious that I can't keep the laughter to myself.

Luvily said...

That's my life with daughter #1. I've learned that I can push down on the door handles (we don't have knobs for whatever crazy housebuilder reason) hard enough to pop the lock. Works everytime. :) Happy Friday to you!

CSIowa said...

I can do our locks with a bobby pin, but a Q-tip with one end torn off works even better.

My oldest is now 17 and there have been some fun times with her. I hope you're still blogging when Camber hits 14 or 15!

KIm Ginsberg said...

My son locks himself in his room all the time. He's 3, he grabs the doorknob and depresses the lock button... Cut the tip of one end of a q-tip, its the perfect size, and is fat enough to hit that tiny latch (almost) every time. Or, a bobby pin works too :)

J.Ro said...

I pull apart a normal ballpoint pen (my pen chewing habit does come in handy every so often), and it's usually just the right size to put straight in until you push the release.

Emmy said...

Have you used a credit card? Well probably use a grocery store rewards card; you slip it in and slide it down the crack where the door closes, and when you get to where the door actually latches, push it in a little more and you should be able to open the door... hmm maybe I will have to make a video. I have done this so so many times lately. I can get a door open in about 30 seconds or less.

Stephanie said...

Thanks for the laugh this morning...I needed it after arguing with my 6 year-old about why homework was important! I feel I may have a re-birth coming, but hopefully without a locked bathroom door! :)

Margaret said...

That is too funny. I would have given up too. I like how she got mad that you weren't begging her to do it!

Carole said...

The story of the lost or forgotten folder is the same one heard at school all the time. I wish there were more "mean" moms like you. :)

MamaOtwins+1 said...

LOVE IT - I'm going to try the born again mom trick. I wonder if it will work

The Parent Trapped said...

Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom while all three of my kids shout, "Mommy! MOMMY! Mommy?" through the door. I don't have to go, I just have get away. It's kind of pitiful when your best hiding spot smells like poop. Oh, well. Small sacrifice for five minutes of quiet. Good luck with the lock!

ker said...

This reminds me of the time when my son locked himself in the bathroom and the handle broke off! It took him about 5 minutes to break down in a full out sob and thinking he was going to live out the rest of his days in the bathroom! He doesn't lock the door anymore when he enters a bathroom- which in most cases isn't a good practice.

Free Baby Formula said...

I stick scissors in my bedroom doors. Its so easy to get them open. The outside doors are tough though, but I did it before with two paperclips. :)

Mom in Boyland said...

Oh the ever-growing attitude of little girls. This is why I'm so very afraid of having a pig-tailed mini me. Maybe next time you can just slide the homework under the bathroom door :-)

pajamadays said...

Bringing everything home is a daily struggle with my middle schooler! I am amazed she remembers to get dressed in the morning sometimes.Thanks for sharing!

fleming Fab 5 said...

Is this my daughter. Sounds like a night at my house.
You have a wonderful blog. I am just getting started.

FTXT said...

For a big brand, lv has its own and strict rule to their products, if there has any defected products, Louis vuitton bags will destroy it and not allow it go into the market. That is their answer to louis vuitton bag fans and old customers. Because every louis vuitton you can buy from their store is perfect and exclusive.

wangzi said...

http://luxuryjewellery.obolog.com/
http://www.pianetablog.com/?w=luxuryjewellery
http://luxuryjewellery.publiku.com/
http://luxuryjewellery.skyrock.com/
http://tiffanyuk.sosblog.com/index.htm
http://www.tellthing.com/luxuryjewellery
http://www.tripslog.com/travel-blogs/luxuryjewellery/
http://tiffany.viviti.com/
http://designerring610.vox.com/
http://tiffanyuk.webs.com/apps/blog/

longge said...

http://www.travelerstipsnpics.com/wp-admin/
http://www.momsbuzz.com/blogs/bestomijia/
http://www.blog.myinetplace.com/onlytoywatch/
http://www.thumblogger.com/thumblog/log_manage.php?siteid=126885
http://onlytoywatch.pornwebring.net/
http://www.postnewz.com/onlytoywatch/
http://remind.com.br/projetos/criar-blog-gratis/onlytoywatch/
http://onlytoywatch.tradea.org/
http://yourlocalblog.com/onlytoywatch/

&_&