April 13, 2010

The Breakfast Meat Mixer

While I rarely get invited to real life parties, I do receive more than my fair share of invitations to blogger media events. Up until recently, I have always politely declined offers to attend product launch parties and the like on the grounds that such events require two things that I don't have: 1) interest in new products 2) interest in meeting new people.

I have to admit, however, that one invitation that I recently received lingered a little longer in my inbox than normal: a party to be thrown in honor of a new line of microwavable sausages.

The 'Breakfast Meat Mixer' was to be held in a hotel ballroom in the city.

"Don't do it," my husband begged.

"You have to go!" screeched my sister who lives in Iowa.

The promise of a raffle drawing and a free pound of bacon sealed the deal.

The Breakfast Meat Mixer was attended by 15 bloggers (including myself) who live in the mid-Atlantic region. During introductions, I was inspired by how far some women drove to sample sausage: one blogger was from Trenton, New Jersey; another lived in Delaware.

Along one side of the room was a buffet table filled with hearty delicacies: a tower of sausage links, a plate of pigs in a blanket, an unsightly amount of ham. I piled my plate high and sat down at one of the tables.

The blogger sitting to my left filled a napkin with sausage and put it into her purse. The woman to my right was too busy tweeting about the contents of her plate to notice.

While we were eating dinner, we were treated to a riveting educational video about breakfast meat and its importance to the American family. The film was followed by a rousing motivational speech given by a marketing associate.

"Who likes surprises?" he shouted into the microphone.

The crowd erupted in cheers and wild applause. We all sat on the edge of our seats as the man unveiled a large table covered with Styrofoam coolers.

"Oh! Oh!" gasped the audience. The surprise was nothing that anyone had anticipated. The coolers, as it turned out, were full of meat.

The names of the winners of the packaged meat products were pulled from a hat. The winners descended on their prizes like The Price is Right contestants, shrieking and bouncing and hysterical to the point of tears.

"Yes!" yelled the lucky blogger who won a honey baked ham. She raised it over her head for all to see.

We were all green with envy. To add insult to injury, somehow my name didn't make it into the drawing. At the end, I was the only blogger without a cooler.

Feeling strangely relieved by my good fortune, I crept toward the door and made a stealthy exit. I was almost to the hotel lobby when I heard someone shouting my name from behind. I turned around to find the marketing executive running after me, cooler in hand.

"I found some extra bacon in the back!" he said excitedly.

I thanked him for his generosity and told him that his gesture was really and truly unnecessary.

"You could use it for an upcoming giveaway on your blog," the man suggested.

"I'll get back to you if I'm interested," I said and backed away.

We shook hands and parted ways. As I got into my car, I heard the unmistakable squeal of my bacon being raffled off.


Angelica Bays, TygrLilies.blogspot.com said...

::wiping tears::
My cat hates you.
Everytime I read yuor blog I laugh so hard that I startle her into bumping her head on the underside of the table.

Molly said...

Well, Bacon is natures candy. And its delicious. And your blog pretty much makes my day!

A Musing Mother said...

Me! Me! Me!

I am raising my hand Welcome Back Kotter style.

What a great giveaway that would make!

Six-Pack Momma said...

You mean, you denied us faithful readers the opportunity to win some bacon?! The nerve.

Natalie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Natalie said...

Absolutely hilarious! Thanks for adding a pop (get it...bacon pops when it cooks??!!) to my evening. You need to attend these events more often if for no other reason than for more good stories :)

Emily Heizer Photography said...

WHAT! Are you CRAZY! You wasted FREE BACON! I thought you had a starving family at home always complaining there's nothing to eat!

You could have at least put it aside for emergency prepardness... or shipped it to ME!

"Me wants some bacon-bacon.. Me wants some bacon-bacon, BACON!"
(To be sung to the tune of, "I like to move it, move it," from MADAGASCAR!

Anonymous said...

That is the strangest thing i have ever heard hahahaha

Vi said...

Bacon for a contest that is a new one. LOL I love your blog!


Unknown said...

You've made me smile in the face of adversity today. Thanks for making my day :)

Kim Ginsberg said...

What? Turning down BACON! E-Gads woman where has your sensibility gone… Your next giveaway better be A-MAZING, if you turned down free bacon! I'm expecting a free pair of Manolo's to the first 100 readers then! If you need me, I'll be standing at my mailbox waiting for them to arrive.

HW said...

What? You didn't bring home the bacon?

Now is the time for me to admit that the Schwan man delivers some wonderful precooked sausage links that my daughter loves to heat up in the morning. *hanging head in shame*

Pimajess said...

MMMMM, meat.

Emmy said...

What, you didn't take the bacon to send to your loyal readers here?!? ;)

That would be an interesting event to be at. Funny what excites some people

Mrs. Ohtobe said...

Squeal of bacon....

*snort laffin funny*

eliana23 said...

Your life suddenly seems so much more glamorous--bacon? Lots of bacon? Wow.
Many thanks for being hilarious.


craftyashley said...

Just the idea of going to a "meat mixer" would make me a bit wary.

Unknown said...

ahhh! I can't believe you didn't TAKE the bacon! a bacon giveaway would have made my life full of awesomeness.

just like the lady at my work (tax office) that pays her invoice in kitty envelopes every year.

i need more awesomeness in my life!

awesomeness = bacon giveaway

i can't say "bacon giveaway" without laughing!

CountessLaurie said...

NEVER underestimate the power of the bacon. Mocking the breakfast meat. SHAME!!

In all seriousness, meat at breakfast has made the difference in my 6 year old's half day kindergarten.

Paula said...

We've all got extra bacon in the back. Now, how do we get rid of it?

DiggyDaddy said...

Remember you only left behind a third of what they offered you. Why? Because when I cook bacon with the kids we start out with at pan full of bacon and end up with a pool of grease with little “baconettes” swimming in it. Inevitably the kids ask, "Where did all the bacon go." Just walk away

Cheryl said...

okay that was hysterical. I can totally picture the scene. It's the sad underbelly of blogging, isn't it? Or is that the sad porkbelly? Anyway - my husband would have been furious if I turned down a slab of bacon. Seriously. He probably would've made me drive back and get it.

Unknown said...

I'm not ashamed to say I would have taken it. I like getting free things. They're free.
Then I would have had a breakfasts bash and fed it to other people that weren't me. :)

Wendy @ autismisatrip said...

Oh my. Now all my husband wants from my blog is an invitation to a "processed breakfast meats fiesta" as he's calling it. He's beyond jealous and more than a little amazed that you walked away from that much bacon.
I'm in tears. Between the two of you, I'm not sure who's funnier right now. :)


Raych said...

oh come on!? all that bacony goodness gone to some one else? i would have really just dug the cooler, but my husband would kiss my feet for a year if i brought home that much bacon. of course if he managed to live for a whole year? all that bacon would have probably given him a heart attack in 3 months. so yeah good on ya for passing up the pig meat!

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