July 1, 2010

Baby For a Day

[visualize high-pitched whining]

"How come Cameron gets to eat with his hands and I don't?"
"How come Cameron doesn't have to wear shoes?"
"How come Cameron gets to go out into the hall during church?"
"How come Cameron doesn't have to eat carrot sticks for snack?"

Besides the bad grammar, there is something else about these questions that rubs me the wrong way.

I think it's the fact that they come from a group of people who suffer from a persecution complex and sincerely believe that their one-year-old brother eats off a silver spoon.

"Who wants to be a baby for the day?" I asked the afflicted yesterday morning. "I'll treat you just like I treat Cameron."

Two of my children sensed the crazy in my voice and retreated to their bedrooms until the smoke cleared. The third raised his hand and waved it wildly in the air. "Me! Me! Me!"



It was all fun and games until nap time.


"Time for bed little guy!" I said, heaving my six-year-old over one shoulder.

"I'm not taking a nap!" he screamed.

"Oh yes you are," I replied, depositing him into the crib.

He hopped out of the bed and ran out of the room. Runaway babies scare me.

For safety concerns, I was forced to pull out the port-a-crib.

***

I'm ready for you David. Bring. it. on.

46 comments

amyrose said...

Ha ha, I'm always tempted to do this myself.

I have at times wondered about the crazy in my voice, and if other people can hear it or not.

Karen Mortensen said...

That was funny.

AJL said...

At least you didn't make him wear the diaper for real. That could have really proved your point...or gone horribly wrong!

Amanda said...

This is awesome. I'm going through the same thing with my five and three year olds wanting to be the baby like their 8 month old brother. Now they can : ) Always a good read and even better laugh!!!!

Mama Monster said...

I love it!!!!!

Mal said...

Hahaha! Oh yes...I always wonder about my siblings who don't catch on to my mother's wickedness long before it's too late. They just keep doing whatever it is that's causing her to stare at them tight-lipped and steely-eyed, totally oblivious to the fact that, if we didn't have guests over, she'd take them up to the tower at the top of the house and lock them away next to the skeletons.

Karen in NC said...

I think this made me laugh harder than any other post you've ever written.....and I've been reading for a long time! Awesome!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

My sister has 5 boys. When the two oldest were 5 and 6, the 6 yr old was going thru the phase "I want a new mother". So one day, my sister bundled them both up in their winter gear and headed out in the car. They drove up and down residential streets near their home for about 45 minutes before they asked what their mother was doing. And they wanted to know what she was looking for. So she said "oh, I'm looking for a a new mother for Wade. He doesn't want me, so I thought I'd find him a new one" Well, wouldn't you know Wade changed his tune real quick. After he begged and pleaded to keep the mom he had, to the point of anguish, my sister turned the car around and drove home. She promised him one more chance. He never asked for a new mom again. In fact, he is 24, and still at home. Now she can't get him to leave! hee hee

NaDell said...

While I was in the doctor's office by myself yesterday I reached over the Better Homes and Garden magazine for a funny looking kid book called, "My Dog Never Says Please" by Suzanne Williams about a little girl who decides she would rather be the dog because the dog doesn't have to have manners or clean it's house or anything. It was pretty funny and made me think of your story.

Gentrey said...

This is seriously the funniest post of yours so far. Awesome.

Heather said...

I love the contrast on his facial expression from the first two pics vs. the last one.
That was tricky. Bwa ha ha!!

Brandon and Sarah said...

Oh, David. Can't wait to see if he writes!

Cindy said...

I think David is too busy sucking on his binky to respond...

Great post! Way to follow through on the Crazy.

Gina said...

Haha, I almost forgot about David!

I love that two of them heard the "crazy in your voice". That is the best.

Did this work, by the way? I mean, did it get them to stop thinking they want to be the baby? Or did kid-amnesia set in the next morning?

Renny said...

Okay, I enjoyed this post, but when I read that last line, your message to David, that cracked me up.
I hope he responds. On here. Don't be shy David, we all want to hear your shocked and disgusted response.

Kerrie (and Jason) said...

** waits to see what David comes up with!!

Molly said...

HA HA! Children are silly creatures, no?

Donda said...

That is great! He did not look happy at all about the whole nap thing. Probably rethinking his strategy!

Jillayne said...

What a great way to help kids understand! I'm totally using this one when that time hits for us.

Jen said...

sadly the crazy is always present in my voice.

Tima said...

OMG! I love it!

A Beehive said...

Thats hillarious.
Cute guy.
Naps are exactly what would scare me away from being baby for a day.
That and I am to focused on growing up. lol.

- A beehive.
www.Mutualinsanity.com

Kristine said...

you know maybe that's how I get my 5 year old to stop acting like a baby - literally have her take a nap. You give AWESOME parenting advice! I'll let you know how it goes :-)

Olivia Singleton said...

Do you know how much I'd give to have someone put me in a crib each day for a nap? Kids just don't know how good they have it!

Kari M. said...

So I read this blog religiously, but not generally the comments. Can someone fill me in on David? (I've even gone through a months' worth of posts searching for him, but to no avail). It's killing me not to understand the reference.

WendyLou said...

Brilliant!!

Kim Ginsberg said...

Kari -
http://themeanestmom.blogspot.com/2010/05/your-assistance-is-requested.html

David is a charming "journalist" that had the nerve to tell Jana she was a bad parent. I've horribly summarized, but the post, and our reply comments are well worth the read :) Enjoy!

Livy said...

ROTFL!!!!! HYSTERICAL!!! *wipes tears* I liked the ending most of all... "Bring it on David"... I so thought of him when I saw the post because I'm certain he would see flaws all over this one. Ah but alas, he'll be back one day when his own off spring drive him looney. My goal is to make sure I raise my children in such a hysterically dysfunctional manner that if and when my children seek therapy, I can take full responsibility for my antics. =) *beaming with pride I'll announce to the therapist, "Yes I told her she was adopted, yep, it was a lie, oh yeah I told her that her Mom left her in daycare and forgot to pick her up!" - you'd tell your kids the same thing if they painted your dining set with chocolate pudding, T.P.'d your bathroom with wet toilet paper and left legos, marbles and magnetix out and about for you to step on with all your glory, only to scream in agony.

Carolyn said...

David was a guy who wrote Jana and was very critical of her parenting skills--which we all know are the best in the world! Maybe she'll repost his fantastic letter or put a link to it??
I laughed outloud on this one--that series of pictures if AWESOME!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!! What's so funny is I remember my mom doing the same thing to me and my sisters. My youngest sister was born and I remember being real jealous, Mother dear treated us just like baby and it was all good until the diaper... 5 years old and it felt strange and couldn't cope with it.... Changed my mind in a hurry! LOL *Hope David reads this post and tells you all the "wrong" things you're doing!! :)

Jo's girl said...

amen sista!

I remember posing the same sort of questions to my mother at one point, having merely seen the pampering of a baby at the mall.
she was plume out of luck with dumping me in a crib, because the last child in our family was 7 or so. but explained how limited a baby's life really is.

they can't express them selves clearly, they are reliant upon their parent for when and if they get fed and they can't choose what to wear which sealed it for me. but she further explained that sitting in your own waste was part of the deal for being a baby. no more baby envy for me.

Livy said...

David didn't just tag "Meanest Mom" for her parenting style, he nailed all of her supporters too.

Kim Ginsberg said...

So true Livy! We're all at fault for our negligence and lack of love for our children… Shame on us….

Mandy and Alex said...

I have a friend who's daughter loved the idea of having a broken arm so she could have a cast. So to nip it in the bud, she took her daughter to the doctor and requested that a cast be placed on her daughters dominate arm and that it be bent at an angle and reach all the way to the end of her palm so that when the "fun" of having a cast wore off she couldn't slip it off. The kid wore it for 6 weeks flat and never muttered another word about breaking a bone again.

To all the Mean Moms out there, I say BRAVO!

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FabuLeslie said...

Genius Mom. I love it.

AlsoMean said...

If you had given him a pacifier, would he have stayed in the crib?

My daughter whined and whined when her brother got to take medicine and she didn't. I handled that with some red food dye and water, my only mistake was not making it taste really bad with some salt or vinegar.

cyn said...

When I was little kid, if I asked my mom, "How come Tyson got an extra piece of cake?" or "Why does Denise get to go and I didn't get to do that," my mom would usually say something like, "Because I like Denise better." Hee hee.

D said...

Ha! Mom taught us well, Cyn, I now use that line on my kids. I also use Mom's irritating line when we said something wasn't fair, "Fair shmair." Oh, and Mom does love me best. Hehe.

Jana, this post is hilarious! I love how you use pictures to tell some of the story. I'm up at 3:00 AM laughing my head off!

Denise

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