September 21, 2010

The Baseball Game

This weekend, my husband and I took the kids to a Tampa Bay Rays baseball game.

Before arriving at the stadium, we stopped and got a quick lunch at Wendy's. Dispensing ketchup into tiny paper cups is a privilege that my older children have abused in the past. Until I say otherwise, none of them are allowed anywhere near the condiment counter.

The restaurant was crowded when we entered and, as a result, we were forced to split into two groups. My husband took Cameron and I got the other three. After delivering the food to my offspring, I made my way to the vat of ketchup and waited patiently for my turn. By the time I returned to the table, all of the food was gone, including my own.

"Who ate my hamburger?" I asked.

Everyone feigned ignorance.

"You just left it there," one of my children said.
"It didn't seem like you wanted it," said another.

My husband told me to go buy another combo meal. I chose the higher road and decided to be a martyr.

By the time the baseball game started, I was starving and super cranky.

"You're going to ruin this experience," my husband said with fear in his voice. "I can tell."

During the first half of the game, I left my seat on average of once per inning. Cameron puked on me twice; in the third inning, he had a different kind of accident.

On my third trip up the stadium steps, a fellow spectator leaned into the aisle and tapped my arm.

"You win the prize for the most ups and downs," she told me.

Ten minutes later, I solidified my title by making the journey again...this time with all my kids.

Outside the restrooms there just happened to be clown who was twisting balloons into the shape of strange animals and giving them to children for free.

"Can we get a balloon? Please?" everyone cried in unison.

I gestured to the line of 37 people standing in front of the clown.

"Do you want to stand in line for a balloon for an hour or do you want to watch the baseball game?" I asked them.

Everyone wanted the balloon.

"Wrong answer," I snapped.

My husband ordered me to get something to eat.

I held off until my surliness ruined another inning.

"Can I have a bite of your sandwich?" Cortlen asked, licking his lips.

"If he gets a bite, then I get one," Kellen piped up.

"And me," said Camber.

Cameron made his desires known by sticking his finger through the bread.

My husband responded by making everyone switch seats. I moved to the end of the row and he moved into the seat next to mine. Using his body as a barrier against the sea of grabbing hands, he assured me that the coast was clear.


Just Plain Tired said...

I'm sorry, but I can't help but laugh about this. (Always with you though, not at you.) But I gotta admire the fact that you held out that extra inning before succumbing to the need for food. ;)

Pioneer Cookerella said...

I think that is exactly how it would go should I try and brave a ball game with my brood. Crazy time. I laughed, only because I can relate.

I braved, solo, my oldest child's Kindergarten open house tonight with all four kids in tow. Yeah. Fun. lol Good thing I love them!

jeleighbean said...

My kid's act like starved orphans at baseball games. We can feed them the entire contents of our fridge and pantry before game time, yet they will become jittery and weak as soon as we step on the baseball grounds and need nachos, popcorn, and soda immediately. My dh is similar, except he adds Twizzlers. I salute you for braving a baseball game with your fam!

Shawn said...

We love going to the Rays games! Adam Lambert was there Saturday night and as much as I would have loved to have seen him I was fearful of what he would "shown" my girls, I opted to stay home.

You're a trooper!

TORI said...

I hate sharing my food with my kids, I know that's bad, but I can make them the same thing and they won't touch it, but will scarf mine down as if it's the last morsel on earth. I share though, because someday I might miss baby spit sogging up a sandwich, maybe.

Tracey said...

I love the part about "taking the high road and being the martyr!!"

Thanks for that!


Jensamom23 said...

Ahhh...the high road of martyrdom....seems that I am there often as your writing!

L. Bryce said...

Man, your kids are crazy!

kristina said...

I can relate! People ask me how I stay thin and I tell them it's because I have 4 children. I rarely get to sit down and I never get to eat anything by myself!

Donna said...

Your poor hubby sounds like mine cuz I get the same way and react the same way! I love that he shielded and protected you from all the grabbers while you finally ate your lunch in peace!

Anonymous said...

I would have had to hurt someone if they ate my food. Also the gimmes and grabbing would have to be nipped in the bud ASAP. Whining/begging is one thing but to all out grabbing/touching food out of your hands is uncalled for.

I certainly would have had to raise my voice at the game and tell them to knock it off. Hubby should have too. Once you switched seats there should have been no more grabbing. Just done.

I don't have 4 kids, but I do have one that so far doesn't act like that. Sounds like a lesson in public manners is coming up.

AlsoMean said...

For this reason, I always have a layer of granola bars and fruit roll ups at the bottom of my purse. To give to the kids, so I can eat my food.
It only buys you about 10 minutes, but sometimes that's all you need!

Mommymel said...

To anonymous before me... pipe up with child rearing advice only when you have more than one and have to mediate the three ring circus that is multiple children, please.

I know exactly what it means to have three little land sharks circling me at a meal... meals in peace are a hallmark of those who have nannies, no children, or "perfect angels" like the commenter referenced above (eye roll and sarcasm noted)

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Have to laugh at those experiences "Let's all go to a game!" that become "OH MY GOD. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! NOBODY SPEAK AGAIN TO MOM FOR TWO HOURS." Seriously. Been there. Hungry does not help ...

Betsy said...

Can I just say that I'm so glad I don't have to babysit your kids, they're kind of rude. I agree - where are their manners?

Nicole Asay said...

A lot of kids act like that. It doesn't mean they're rude. They're kids. Mine are the same, as are the children of pretty much everyone I know. They're good kids. Jana is a great mom, and her kids are just fine:)

Love your blog!!! It makes me feel good that I'm not alone.

NoSurfGirl said...


I would have left.

with all the kids.

and put them to bed.

I guess I shouldn't go to baseball games.

BTW, wasn't that Roberto's team?

Anonymous said...

This just might be your best post ever-and that's saying sometthing!

Laura, Ben, and family said...

we waited an hour once for balloon animals .. which proceeded to pop within 20 minutes ...
The whining that they didn't get one is MUCH better than the "it popped" whining.

Shanna said...

This is why I never feel guilty when I eat first. If they happen to be otherwise entertained, then I go for it! This works well at parties with a big table of food and other kids. My husband knows I'll be eating ALONE as soon as I get there.

Also, if they ask to be excused from the table they are not allowed to talk to me or Daddy anymore while we are eating.

Mandy said...

I would also like to address Anonymous'. I agree with Mommymel. When you have more than one, even more than 2 (I have four in total, 1 step) then feel free to make comments like that. For me, if I had THAT attitude with 4 kids, I would be insane...seriously. A parent with one child, especially one that is an angel, (and believe me, it has nothing to do with your parenting skills; I know because my first was an angel followed by 2 hooligans) has no concept of the need for choosing ones battles. If I 'nipped' everything in the 'bud' with cross words, I would never speak nicely to my kids...EVER... which would make me a worse mother then one with perfect little unhappy soldiers. I do not expect you to actually understand, but it had to be said.

Jana, thanks again for yet another awesome post!

Lindsay said...

My husband calls it TOH syndrome. I get Tired, Ownry, and Hungry and it can't be fixed till I eat.

MamaCam said...

Just wanted to tell you that I love your blog!! I think you are an awesome mom and I can totally relate to just about every one of your posts!!! Your kids are a hoot!

schooltherealway said...

Haha your blog is hilarious. i made a blog mostly just so i could comment on yours.

but also, please check out mine? i know it rude im so sorry.

Nell said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAGH. You're a nicer person than me. I would've gone all raging bigfoot. This is why I'm not a mom. Mad props to you parents.

jysika said...

Jana, I want to babysit your kids. They sound fun and they'd certainly keep me/ any babysitter on my/their toes.

Jackie said...

Kids are kids, they are rude and loud and don't show that they have manners while in public!
Motherhood is hard enough without other women judging and criticizing.

Enjoy your children, enjoy your husband, and forget about rude people. I love your blog and it makes me laugh whenever I read it!

Terisa said...

I love your blog!!! It mares me smile just knowing that every Mom out there has kids like mine. You are not alone. Thanks for the smiles! =:)

Anonymous said...

WOW! Snarky comment, Anonymous! I don't have children yet, but I do teach 21 first graders all day, and MAN I cannot imagine coming home after working a full day AND dealing with my own children! I love this blog, it's so REAL! :) Way to go mommies!

Anonymous said...

To some of the posters above - So it's okay to have rude and out of control children who make your time out miserable instead of nipping it in the bud before it even gets to that point?

This is why some people can't take kids to the grocery store or anywhere becuase of how they behave in public. It's called teach them that they have to behave in an appropriate way.

Every moment is a teaching moment and if you let the kids run over you now, it will not get better as they get older. They get louder, more demanding, and expect everything from you if you keep giving in. Then before you know it you have a teenager that won't listen and won't obey any household rules. Been there myself and have a 14yo stepdaughter now as well as the toddler. Guess what they act alot alike somedays.

There are some things that having multiple kids will teach you and some things you become more lenient on, but how to behave in public is not up for negotiation for me regardless of how many kids I have. Not going out in public isn't an option either because how will they learn? You have to set and enforce the rules/guidelines in order for anybody to enjoy the time out.

I do not have a "perfect angel" but I do know that I can take her out to eat anywhere/anytime and not have a horrific experience, becuase we have been doing this since she was born. Some days are easier than others, but even at her worst it has never been like that scene at the stadium. It's just not allowed in our family. Apparently it is allowed in others.

I love Jana's blog and find the post hilarious, but I also hope that some of it is embellished for humor purposes.

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