December 1, 2010

The Cheap Santa



My kids can earn up to 5 bucks per week doing household chores, remembering to chew with their mouths closed at the dinner table, and the like.

Camber spends her money the instant that she gets it, usually on things that I abhor.

"It would be great if you didn't buy that tub full of tiny beads," I told her as she plopped the object into my shopping cart this afternoon.



One of my greatest joys in life is picking up thousands of microscope beads off the floor...one by one.

"Christmas is coming soon," I begged. "Maybe Santa will get it for you."

My kids aren't the smartest kids in the universe, but they have enough brain cells to know that the Santa that comes to their house doesn't love them as much as the Santa that comes to their friends' houses.

"Santa would never buy me something like that because hates us," my daughter told me. "All he buys me are books and toys without batteries."

"And the things that are at the bottom of my Christmas list," added Cortlen crossing his arms across his chest. "I'm asking for an I-Touch this year, but I'll bet that I won't get one."

"I would bet that too," I told him. "You have a really hard life."

When we got home from the store, my daughter got out her homework. One of her assignments was to write a story using her spelling words. The title of her story was "Why Santa Hates Me."

Lovely.

30 comments

Kerrie (and Jason) said...

Expects the next post of this blog to be "Why Santa Hates Me" - Camber's story. :) Don't disappoint me now!

Itchin' Stitchin' said...

:) That will be interesting at the next parent teacher conference. If you live in a gossip town like us, soon you'll get phone calls asking if you need help getting the kids something for the holidays.

Erin said...

Santa gives my kids new toothbrushes, socks, and underwear. They're too young to know the difference. He he he.

Anna said...

lol So you're a Mean Mom AND a Mean Santa, too? ;) No shame in it. Kids don't need a quarter of the junk they ask for anyway.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Well funny! You should take the cool presents that other people buy your kids and change the tags, so that it looks like you bought em. Instant kudos!

Shawn said...

You have to share that story!

Mrs. Tuna said...

Maybe Santa needs to buy her a handheld vacumn to suck up all those stinking beads that are scattered from one end of the house to the other.

BittyKitty said...

I have a very extended family and so does my fiancée, we go to 5 different Christmas celebrations! The kids get presents at each stop, so our Santa tries to get them one or two things on their list and makes them one special thing (hopefully they'll like) By the time we get to the last stop the kids don't want to open anything els.

Rocket Ma'am said...

We don't teach that Santa is real, we talk about the story of St Nicholas and how his spirit of giving lives on as Santa Claus.

However, it does cause confusion when my kids announce to people that Santa Claus is dead.

I'm So Fancy said...

Your kids are Funny!!! Didn't you tell her that it's not Santa that hates her, it's her mean mother and that Santa is required, by law, to check with you before giving certain gifts? At least then she doesn't feel so alone in the world...

Lee said...

If you put pantyhose across the tube of your vacuum and then vacuum up the beads, you can collect them without picking them up one by one.

Lindsey said...

That is just too funny!

happyfamily said...

My thing about cleaning is that anything left down deserves to be vacuumed. All those littlest pet shop accessories, hair things, barbie shoes, and beads all get vacuumed up. No one misses them.

Catherine Dabels said...

So, my kids live at your house now? The only thing on my daughter's list was an iTouch. I asked her to add more things since an iTouch probably wasn't what he wanted to give her. She said that "santa" can just take a long walk off a short dock if he wasn't to cater to her at least once in her life. I thinks she's on to me.

Steph, from Be Positive Mom said...

That is too funny! It's pretty crazy the gifts kiddies expect these days. When I was a kid, I jumped for joy when I got a skateboard. Ok, that was during the tom boy phase....

Paula/adhocmom said...

I would probably maybe accidentally sort of on purpose suck all of those up with the vacuum cleaner. Oops!

Amanda said...

You could tell them that Santa sent you this article: http://www.computerworld.com/s/article/9197379/Elgan_Are_gadgets_bad_for_kids_?taxonomyId=15&pageNumber=1

It's about how kids shouldn't have itouch or ipad.

kario said...

Well at least her mother loves her more than I love my kids. When their beads end up all over the floor, my vacuum cleaner suddenly starts feeling hungry and slurps them all up.

Hope she gets an A on her paper.

Tarcoulis said...

Oh no! The beads all jumped out of the box just as the baby turned on the vacuum cleaner. So sad.

Dolly said...

My kids suffer from the same syndrome! If only Santa could love all little children...

vanilla said...

:-D

Beth said...

That's hilarious. I'd love to read that one!!

craftyashley said...

Nice! I am so glad my kids have no idea. They'll just be excited to unwrap whatever. (although I'm betting they would prefer bikes- if they don't cost a million dollars)

Kerrie said...

My solution was just to ignore Santa's existence- despite my children's desire to acknowledge it.

But this is better.

myevil3yearold said...

Ha.... My kids feel Santa hates them too. It is because starting at the end of November everytime they start to do something annoying or bad I tell them that Sants saw it and they just...boop. Lost a present just like that.

melissa78 said...

I can NOT wait to read this story!!!

Lindsay said...

I seriously love reading your blog. It cracks me up. Wearing socks, eating meals, getting dressed. I feel so validated! I think you rock.

Anonymous said...

I hate those beads too! The rule at my house is that if I have to pick it up, it goes right into the garbage. More than a few beads have been tossed out in the vacuum bag. Luckily they have tons of PlayDoh, dried markers and stickers from my house to keep them company :)
Can't wait to read Camber's tale of woe.

StrawberryBlond said...

Why should Santa get all the credit? He doesn't give the best gifts at our house either. If I'm going to spend all that time shopping for or making this stuff, then my kid is going to know it's from ME.

Alison said...

I can't relate yet sine my daughter is only 18 months, and santa can bring her anything for Christmas, and she will be happy. I can forsee that this whole Christmas thing is going to get a lot more difficult!