January 14, 2011

Jesus Hair




More than anything else in the world, my seven year-old son wants to grow his hair down to his shoulders, or maybe his knee caps if he gets really ambitious.

"That sounds delicious," I said.


"All the boys in my class have long hair," he told me.

The next day I bought a pack of pastel-colored hair clips at the dollar store and left them on his bed.

My gift was not well received.

The length of all of his friends' hair has been a recurring topic of conversation in our household for several weeks. I thought my son was exaggerating until he came home from school today with his class picture.

Sure enough, he is the only person in the photograph who doesn't look like Samson.

"I TOLD YOU!" he seethed.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not a fan of guys with long hair," I said firmly.

My son laughed like a hyena who had just caught its prey.

"Then you don't like Jesus," he sneered with satisfaction.






I tried to defend myself, but in the end was forced to admit that I would be more likely to put a picture of Jesus on my wall if He had a crew cut.

"I'm cutting your hair this weekend," I told him. "End of story."

Tonight Cortlen ate his dinner like it was the Last Supper.

"This is the last time you will see me with hair this long," he said mournfully to his siblings.

Everyone bowed their head for a moment of silence before I plugged in the hair clippers.

43 comments

Charlie Pulsipher said...

It's funny how quick witted kids are. I don't remember being that clever, but I think that is my memory failing and not my lack of a quick witted phase...which isn't much better...
Funny Stuff I Write

Pam said...

Ugh. I really dislike the longer, shaggy hairstyles all the boys wear here, too. It's torture each time I take my boys to get their hair cut. My 2nd son used to litteraly pull and pull on his hair to get it to grow faster. Here's to hoping that short hair for boys will be back in style in a few years.

Ange said...

My middle son is currently growing his hair out. Not because he wants to be stylish, but he wants to grow it long enough to donate it to locks of love.

As much as the shaggy hair gets under my skin, I am glad that he has a kind heart and wants to do for others.

myevil3yearold said...

Ahhhh mooooommmm!

Kidding. My 7 year old and I are having hair issues too. My kid likes spiky mohawks

Charlene said...

That's funny! The excuse I got from my son about keeping his hair long was "It's winter, and my head gets cold"

I told him on the way to Super Cuts that I would buy him a hat.

Should have bought him some pastel girly clips - that might have gotten the point across even better!

Gigi said...

I absolutely LOVE little boy haircuts and kept mine in one as long as possible. Eventually he refused to let me do that anymore and grew his hair as long as his school would allow (which wasn't that long - but was just long enough to annoy me); but even that got old. Because now he sports a crew cut and has for the past year or so.

Beth said...

Too funny. My husband (with super short hair) was telling my 5 year old daughter that he's going to grow his hair down past his shoulders. (He was teasing.) I quickly said, "Ummm, no. Mommy doesn't think boys should have long hair." Then I had to quickly add to that... "Unless you're Jon BonJovi."

Sarah said...

My boys would like longer hair too, but I feel like they're lice magnets. Could be because they got lice last year.

Bethany said...

Long hair does seem to be in with boys these days. I'm really not a fan! But uh, I do love Jesus...lol!

Beth @ Sand To Pearl said...

I fully agree! I actually cut my son's hair at 6 months because "It was over his ears!" He gets a hair cut every month or two. Yuck, I really can't stand this phase of long hair and skinny jeans on boys.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I took my 7-year-old to Sports Clips the other day, which he thought sounded really fun until he got there and realized it was for CUTTING his hair. He tried to bolt, but it was too late. And he looks much better.

A Few Tacos Shy... said...

When my son was 11 he wanted long hair. The deal was that boys with long hair have to shower and use soap, shampoo and conditioner every day. It worked for me because he was clean and eventually he decided it was too much maintenance and cut it but the showering habit stayed :-)

Jess said...

Oh my god I inhaled my soda and almost died while reading this!
I can't stand long hair on young boys, it drives me nuts!
The Jesus comeback was brilliant.
Jess

Anonymous said...

My nephew is growing his hair out, for Locks of Love as well and all summer long people kept wondering who was letting their little girl run around without her shirt. Now that it's about long enough to cut, he wants to wait until it will still be long when he cuts it for the charity. Nasty!!!

grammaDawn said...

That reminds me of the kid that wanted his parents to buy him a car. His dad agreed, if he would get his hair cut. The son argued that even Jesus had long hair. His dad simply said, "And Jesus walked wherever he went too."

Anonymous said...

I have a nephew with coarse, curly hair and he's styling it like justin bieber. It looks horrible. I told him it makes him look girly when he brushes his hair out of his face. Will be trying the pastel hair clips next...

Vicky said...

The kid has 'comeback'. Gotta give that to him!!

Rudd Family Circus said...

Don't you love it when they throw Jesus comebacks at you.... it is a recurring theme at our house lately...love your posts !!

Elizabeth said...

http://www.thercg.org/articles/djhlh.html

Janie B. said...

I always got the "Well Jesus has long hair why can't I?" retort from my son while he was growing up. My reply back to him was "When you act and live as Jesus did/does then you can have long hair like him." Try as he might he could never walk on water!!

Anita Cramer Wells said...

My 8 year old son is on pretty much a quarterly haircut schedule because it's such a fight around here, and he's always trying to grow it out to look like Harry Potter (thankfully Daniel Radcliffe has shorter hair lately). I remember one Halloween when it was just getting too long, and we insisted on a trim so it looked more like a missionary haircut. "But I don't want to be Elder Potter!" he argued.

Greta: From Transparencies of Motherhood said...

Haha. My oldest son is only 4 and already wants his hair long. I don't think he even knows it's fashionable; he just wants it long for some reason. I really don't like long hair on boys. Especially dirty long hair. This post is hilarious.

Anonymous said...

I let my son keep his hair long as long it is clean and trimmed. When we would visit my family always asks when he was g4oing to cut it and I would say "we just took 2 inches off last week." My brother loved to harass my son so I pulled out his senior picture from the 70's. I'll save my fights for when he wants a tattoo.

vanilla said...

And of course I'm sitting here lol envisioning Jesus with a crew cut!

Donna said...

I would love to start seeing pictures of Jesus with a crew cut! There's a whole new genre of art to be created.

Nicki said...

Jesus is HAWT and I have always loved guys with long hair! My son goes back and forth with what he wants...one month it is long, the next, buzzed. I don't mind really..color it for all I care. Just answer your damn cell phone when I call it so I know you are not dead in a ditch somewhere! Is that too much to ask?

mama walker said...

I am a hairdresser and i'm afraid the long hair debate has just begun. it lasts until about the teen years. i have found that letting them grow it out never lasts long at all. they usually don't even get close. and if they actually make it once they have thye cut it right off. hope this helps?

Anonymous said...

So happy to hear that there is another mom in this world who will not let their son look like the last pair of scissors on the whole planet were broken a year ago. I'm so tired of the sloppy styles that are so readily accepted and only succeed to make the young male population look more feminine with every passing year.

Anonymous said...

Way to play the Jesus card, kid! How can you argue with that? Ahahaha!

Kel said...

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Come and see it whenever you're ready :)

household6 said...

Thankfully my son likes his hair short. Sometimes I wish he'd like it a tad longer because of its pretty red color. He'll settle into the barber's chair and announce, "I want to be bald... LIKE MY DADDY!" At seven, he's never had more than an inch of hair on his little noggin.

Anonymous said...

What is actually so bad about long hair on guys? What about letting your children express themselves - it won't harm them and it won't make them less of a "man".
Of course they should wash themselves regularly, but shortcuts should do that, too!
If we want our kids to be tolerant, we should be tolerant, as well. What they learn from these disputes is: "When you're on the long end of the lever, you don't need a reason to be intolerant."
- I want my kids to accept everyone despite their looks and only pay attention to their deeds, cause that's what makes good people!

Amie said...

haha my husband and i enjoyed this post. he said he told said the same thing to his grandparents, only he was in his twenties.

Amie said...

haha my husband and i enjoyed this post. he said he told said the same thing to his grandparents, only he was in his twenties.

Laura said...

It was a happy happy day when my--then--15 year old--son decided it was time to cut his Jason whatzhizname hair a couple of years ago. OMG I hated his hair long but it was not a hill I was willing to die on because he wasn't dying it black and begging me to let him pierce something or have something regrettable etched into his skin

Jen said...

My son wants long hair too! Ugh. The problem is that his hair is STICK straight, and he wears glasses. So if it gets long enough, the glasses make his hair stick out at funny angles around his ears, and his bangs come straight forward down over his eyes.

NO THANK YOU. *This* mean mom definitely loves the clippers.

NanaGo said...

I'm showing my age. My brother had a crew cut in 1974, he was in middle school. I begged my dad to let him grow his hair out because he was getting teased so badly at school. (bullying fodder). Dad relented and it took another year before my brother's hair was long enough to get the teasing to stop. 3 years later he joined the Navy and had short hair again. Certain heads look good in Long hair and certain ones do not. As one other reader said, choose your battles, hair is the easy one. . .

Jen said...

Oh boy, thanks for the laughs...so happy to be back to reading your stuff LOL! We're in the process of "growing out" too...there will be no Jesus hair though and as soon as June hits....BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Jen
www.monogrammedeverything.com

Not so typical said...

I must be crazy- within reason I let my kids do as they want with their hair. Want a mohawk, ok. Do purple streaks that wash out, ok. Grow it long, fine.....I don't see what the big deal is

Anonymous said...

If girls get to choose between a short bob, long hair, and bangs, why not boys? My 9-year-old son has grown his hair out. He is one of the few in his entire elementary school that's full of buzzed hair (ugh!). He's comfortable and confident with it long. And I love his yummy blond slightly wavy hair. So what if he got mistaken for a girl the other day when he was wearing a hat? I didn't inform him about that fact. ;)

Jacie said...

I have this battle weekly with my 4 boys, ages ranging from 11 to 3. My answer? As long as you are my son, you need to look nice! Not shaggy! I love the idea with the pastel clips! I might try that, but my 11 year old might just wear them just to spite me! I would be mortified and he knows it! FYI i hate the new look of skinny jeans (another fight entirely) and shaggy hair!

kim said...

I'm in the camp that this isn't worth battling. And honestly, some kids just look better with longer hair--my son has a really high hairline and I think he looks so much better when he has "bangs" that cover it up. Even DH, who isn't really a fan of long hair on boys, agrees that medium length (bordering on long by the standards of most fans of short hair) looks best.


I've never been a fan of young kids having to keep a "missionary" haircut--there's a lot of other things that missionaries have to do that I'm not making my 4 year old do, so why that? But to each their own.

Katherine said...

My son looks remarkably like yours - just turned eight - is begging for long hair - and gives me the same attitude! I SO understand your pain. I am also loving your blog! Thanks for your candid honesty.