January 12, 2011

Louise

Normal. Normal. Normal. Slightly Weird. Normal. Yikes.

This is a list of my neighbors.

Louise, as she shall be known from this point going forward, knocks on my front door an average of once per day. All for very good reasons.

"If you see a white crane in your yard early in the morning, his name is Billy."

"Billy," I repeated, struggling to commit the name of the animal to memory.

"He likes Cheerios," she continued.

That was last week. Since then, I've been warned about toxic mold, aggressive squirrels, and half of the people living on my street.

"The people living next to you roll through stop signs," she said scornfully. Through other conversations, I've also learned whose kids run around like wild animals and who leaves their garage door open more than they should.

"I've filed several complaints with the Homeowner's Association about that," Louise told me proudly.

I told her that I had to make dinner and couldn't talk.

"Can I come in and see your house?" she asked this afternoon.

I shook my head. "Today's not a good day," I said, closing the door.

Almost immediately, I began to feel like a bad neighbor. After a few minutes, I opened the garage door and left it open for several hours...plenty of time for Louise to poke around if she wanted.

My husband complimented me on my generosity when he came home from work.

Praise unnecessary.

It was the least I could do.

27 comments

Lamprecht Family said...

Oh my goodness you are so funny. You have some many interesting things happen to you! I laugh! I'm sorry, but I don't think I would be a very good neighbor either, I probably would have shut the door in her face long before that... wait scratch that, I probably wouldn't even open the door!

qandlequeen said...

Quite generous indeed!

Ashley Tremaine said...

OMGosh!! That was SO FUNNY!! You have a wonderful blog!!

Laurie said...

Billy the white crane? I am getting close to not believing a word you say. :) But I still think you should write a book, and I'd still buy it!

Stephanie said...

Hahahaha! Too awesome. If I'm not expecting company and they're not pounding...I don't even answer.

Marsh Mayhem said...

I think I used to live next to Louise's twin sister, Josie. At least it makes for good storytelling ... and think of the money you'll save on alarm systems. You've got one built in!!

Mal said...

Well, how kind of you! Who knows, maybe you'll be able to estrange yourself from her by joining in the fun!

myevil3yearold said...

I kinda like the quirky neighbors. We have one. My kids call her Peirdo. They used to call her weirdo peirdo but they have since shortened.

When she comes over to tell us something. I am usually like ...what?

Melissa said...

This so funny! I am your newest follower, found you through Toile in the Family. I am definitely going to be looking forward to reading your blog each day, it is a riot! I am always looking for a good laugh. Thanks for the chuckles!

Mrs. Tuna said...

Do you need an intervention.

Tricia ~~ Handmade Whimzy said...

I, too, have a neighbor that leaves his garage door up more than he should. And, he's quick to go about pointing out when someone ELSE is breaking an HOA rule. I guess he thinks his rule breaking is acceptable.

Bless his heart. He's never wanted to come over and look at my house though.

Nancy said...

Oh, after having lived in Florida I feel for you. I have had to get straight to the point and say, I don't want to listen to gossip as I don't feel it's right. That shuts them up quick. Good luck!

NanaGo said...

thank goodness we do not have an HOA. . .and when they came around to petition to have one it was shot down. As for the neighbors. . .I love the mixture of weirdos and the mundane. Count me as the weirdo, not that I knock on doors and chat about Cranes named Billy, but I do have the wildest parties on the block. Thanks for sharing the snapshot of your new neighborhood. I truly laugh and enjoy it.

Amy Pasinski said...

starting to think i need to meet the neighbors before we sign the contract on our next house. ps. does louise read your blog? lol
www.PoopInACandle.com

craftyashley said...

Every neighborhood has one. (or two)I got into the HOA to prevent it from getting all Nazi Germany on me. And boy- I have to DEAL with these crazy people saying the neighborhood looks "trashy" and telling me that too many people haven't put in their backyards yet. Are you looking in people's backyards?! Because I think ya shouldn't do that, crazy homeowner.

i.cely said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
i.cely said...

i love reading your blog, very funny. thanks for sharing your life's stories.

raisingmarshmallows said...

I don't know. Sounds like Louise is full of great blogging material!

Anonymous said...

Those of us that are older than 40 know her as Gladys Kravitz. Guess she's moved to Florida. I bet Samantha and Darrin Stevens are relieved.

ProudUSARECWife said...

Sounds like she might know my previous neighbor. This neighbor would strike up conversations with fellow neighbors about how we shouldn't be wearing or buying cotton underwear and only to buy satin ones, from JC Penny.

She also would leave notes on our garage doors telling us we should shut them so people couldn't steal our cars or notes on door about how we shouldn't let our son (between 12mths-22mths when we lived there) play in the house with just a onesie on because he would get sick. She could see into our house a because her apartment was above and across from hers. It was hell if we forgot to shut the blinds.

She was 78 yrs old and just a nosy hag.

Tarcoulis said...

Does she know who egged the cars?

Val said...

I've had the same best friend since I was 8, we've almost hit 30 years. It's not funny that we have survived most marriages (thankfully not our own)

Her biggest complaint from our growing up is that when we got in trouble it was worse for her. She then had to go home and her home life was horrible. I only state this because it could be the same issue with this little one. You rock for listening!

Anonymous said...

This neighbor article is great! I had a neighbor like this and she just sold her house. The new owners move in soon, so we'll see...... The funniest thing about this, is that your neighbor doesn't know you go in your house and write about her online. I can't do this since I have neighbors that read my posts. I guess I should have thought about this when I was first trying to publicize my blog. Your writing is great!

www.blogwithmom.com

Marzipan said...

Agh, I've had my share of nutsy neighbors though thankfully, none have been overly interested in my life. A crane named Billy, though? That. Is. Awesome.

Bobbie Munsey said...

The best thing about this post is that you are talking about the neighbor online for everyone to see and she doesn't even know it!!! I had a neighbor like once - it sure felt good to move away from her. She was driving me nuts and didn't even know it. Your writing is great - I will definitely come back to your site.

www.blogwithmom.com

motherof5boys1girl said...

just being nosy, but why would a homeowners association care whether someones garage door was open or not? *obviously lives in boring neighborhood with no homeowners association*

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Yeah, this sounds familiar. My neighbor does not come over, but when I run into her she tells me all the wrong doings of the other neighbors. I learn more about my neighbors than I care to when I see her!