February 20, 2011

Shake It Up



When my two year-old gets upset, he shakes things. This isn't a problem if he is holding his blanket, a stuffed animal, or a can of oil-rubbed bronze spray paint.

However, things get ugly real quick when he is holding a cup filled with liquid.

Let me explain.

On Saturday, my husband took the twins down to Boca Raton to help my cousin with his Eagle Scout project. I stayed home with my daughter and Cameron.

We spent the morning painting our fingernails (Cameron included), eating cookies, and cleaning up cat vomit. At noon, my daughter announced that it was time to go out to eat.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked. She told me about a fast food Chinese restaurant with an endless supply of fortune cookies.

"You can eat as many as you want," she said authoritatively.

That sealed the deal.

Cameron held it together for most of the meal. While my daughter was consuming her third fortune cookie, he started to arch his back and make scary noises.

"We gotta go," I said quickly, popping out of my chair.

I wasn't fast enough. He grabbed hold of my drink and shook it. The top came flying off and the rest is history.

I owe seven people new shirts.

I have never been more mortified in my life. Except for the time that my son ran away from me at Macy's and they had to lock down the mall (we found him hiding in a dressing room 30 minutes later).

The people who were doused in lemonade were remarkably kind when they realized that the perpetrator was a frustrated toddler with issues.

I couldn't get out of the restaurant fast enough.

My daughter pouted the whole way home.

"No fair," she cried. "I was going to eat five more fortune cookies before we left."

16 comments

Nicole said...

This is why I love sippy cups....I am so depressed when my kids are too old for them and I'm in a never ending state of panic that they'll spill everywhere.

StrawberryBlond said...

My daughter was the sweetest little thing but around the time she turned 2 and a half a dark side surfaced. It only came out once in a blue moon but when it came out it was time to grab the garlic and silver bullets. The most embarrassing time it surfaced, we were at Moe's and had finished eating and got up to leave. My daughter, however, had made a friend with another little girl at the next table and had no intention of leaving without her. She started the screaming, arching her back, shooting snot out of her nose, and FOAMING AT THE MOUTH - no joke. I hightailed it out of there as fast as I could be we were parked right in front of the restaurant and my kid refused to get in her car seat. So everyone in the restaurant got to watch me try to physically pry my child into her straps and buckle her in - which ended up requiring my knee in her groin to hold her down. By the time I got her in, we were both covered in snot and spit (she was spitting at me at this point) and I was sure at least one person had made a call to DFACS.

We have all been there. At least once, if not multiple times. I'm sure it happened again but I've repressed the memory.

Pastrami said...

What? I've never had problems with any of my kids. You guys must be bad parents. :)

Amy said...

The best part about the outing though is that at least it wasn't daughter. The older the children are, the less forgiving others can be.

MaryF said...

When he was two'ish, my husband flung mashed potatoes into an old lady's hair in a diner; however, they did not give her enough time to notice the invasion. My in-laws and his grandmother dropped a wad cash on the table and ran.

Rachel said...

LOL! I remember once we were at a waterpark in Branson, MO and my little 1 1/2 year old brother smeared his mashed potatoes all over the wall... It took forever to clean up!

Anonymous said...

This summer my two year old chucked her kid's cup at the waiter and doused him in milk. Luckily, we were sitting outside on the main drag of downtown at dinner time so LOTS more people got to see what great aim she has. Equally lucky for the waiter was that we were his first table and he had a long shift to go.

Anonymous said...

This has nothing to do with flying liquid. It's been a long week. My soon to be twelve year old son has been bugging me for an electric guitar for his birthday. He also thinks homework is "stupid and boring," twelve year olds are too young to do laundry, chocolate ice cream is the best breakfast, and a host of other interesting ideas. As of late the biggest complaint is that I'm the MEANEST mom EVER because I won't let him hang out at his friends house. You know, the friend who's dad just got out of prison for doing things I won't put in print? I was feeling sorry for myself and then I thought of you! You will have three hormonal pre-teens at the same time. Three electric guitars....three complainers of homework....three who threaten to run away from home at the same time....wow. And suddenly, I think I'm going to survive! You're awesome! I love your blog!
Keep us posted, this should get really good! :-) Lol!

Annie (Lady M) x said...

I still enjoy flinging the gherkin from my Big Mac onto a window and watching it stick, so you have got lots of hope with your little one.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Take it from the non-parent and loving uncle who will do, say, or pay anything to calm the kids when I am babysitting -- Sippy cups with superheroes are a gift from the gods. Best invention ever.

Seth and Natalie said...

I just love when people say "my child will never act like that", because sure as shooting it WILL happen to them. Or me. Unless the tantrum is thrown in a public place it means nothing.

Renny said...

Oh poor Camber. The injustice! You might want to buy her a bulk bag of fortune cookies.
Seriously, if I had been a fellow patron doused in your son's shaking fury I probably would have been laughing pretty hard (because really, what else are you gonna do when an upset toddler takes his fury out on you? This may be because I spend my Sundays in Primary) Would that have made things better or worse?

Mrs. Tuna said...

Cat vomit? I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth too.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Although I would be willing to bet that the people who had a lemonade bath really didn't mind and were secretly happy it wasn't their child throwing the tantrum.....this time!

Hugs from across I-4
Cecilia

Natalie said...

Oh I agree with that last person. Now that I have kids, when I see someone else's freaking out in public, it doesn't bother me at all. Instead I just think, thank goodness it's not Sarah this time followed with, oh please Sarah don't see that and think it's a good idea.

Thanks for sharing! Your blog always gives me a good laugh.

Audrey Hammer said...

My 4-year-old son gave me a Sierra Mist bath at Target yesterday. Fortunately I was the only victim. But it's a long drive home.