March 18, 2011

Cups

After a two-year hiatus, my boys are back in Little League. As my husband and I quickly have learned, a lot has changed since the days of preschool t-ball. One of the biggest differences is the uniform.

Two years ago, the coach was happy if his players were potty-trained. Now he wants them to wear cups. The directive was so important that it warranted two emails and an after practice parent meeting. At said meeting, everyone swore up and down that they would buy protective equipment for our sons before the first game. Except for me. I was in the bathroom during the announcement, scrubbing dirt and sand out of my two year-old's hair after he rolled, like a wet golden retriever, on the pitcher's mound.

Fast forward to tonight--the season opener. Before the first pitch, the coach walked through the dug out and asked each of his players to punch his own crotch. Cup check, he called it.

One by one, each boy knocked on his privates as if it was the front door to some magical palace. Every person's privates made a hollow sound, except for my boys'. My sons glared at me through the chain link fence. Their coach did the same.

"I forgot," I mouthed. Cups are not things that I think about on a daily basis. Or ever.

"I'll go to the store right now," my husband volunteered, grabbing the car keys. By the end of the first inning, fear of the inevitable no longer hung over the baseball field like a dark cloud. With the cups in place, my sons stood a little taller, and batted a little better. When one of them struck out, he took it like the man that he now is.

"Do you want to see it?" Kellen asked after the game. The object was in his bag, hidden from view.

I shook my head. "No thanks," I replied.

I will never forget the look on my son's face. It was as though he had won a state championship, and I refused to acknowledge the trophy.

I feel terrible.

33 comments

Tanya said...

You made my day! What a great story!

sarahjane said...

I wouldn't have needed to see it either. Thankfully your husband offered to go buy them... I wouldn't have had the foggiest idea of what to buy. With a toddler boy and a second baby boy on the way, perhaps I need to start familiarizing myself with this BOY-stuff.

Kira said...

My now 17 year old brother is autistic. My mother always felt sports were a good thing for him. I will never forget the first year he played peewee football. He was displaying all his protective gear proudly to the family.

He held up his cup to his chin covering his mouth. He thought it was like a hockey mask. No one in the family plays hockey but we had a Halloween mask and the cup must have reminded him of that. I think it took my dad half the season to get him to stop publicly flashing his cup as a mask. Oh the joys of being the oldest of twelve.

Kira
twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

Lisa said...

Here's a few fun facts: athletic supporters (the thing you wear to hold the cup in place) come in size regular, large or extra large. No size small. Protect the ego, shall we?

Also, all cups come in one shape - as if every boy were built exactly the same between the legs.

And finally - dogs love cups. And once your dog has chewed it, you do not want that thing between your legs with all it's now sharp edges!

Not only have I bought dozens for my own boys over the years, as one of the moms who was always giving rides and arriving early I was sent on a few missions of mercy for the forgetful teammates! I always made sure to yell into the dugout - "what size? Regular?"

medina family said...

Can't remember how I found your blog, but I'm so glad. It's so funny!!
Never thought about cups before...I don't think they use those in soccer...we're a soccer family right now, but my son keeps talking about baseball. Wait till he finds out about this!

Susan

Aubrey said...

This makes me kinda glad I have all girls. Of course in a few years we'll be dealing with other fun "girly" stuff...

Mal said...

I stayed for four months with some close family friends when I was 14--the sole "daughter" among their four ATHLETIC sons. I remember walking into the living room and seeing a jock strap on the floor (THE LIVING ROOM!!!) and thinking, "what is that?!" Then it dawned on me.

And may I just say, for being great athletes, those boys had terrible aim with their little buddies. I only used the master bathroom.

Anonymous said...

As a mother of two boys there will be many opportunities for you to laugh at your sons and their athletic supporters. Then you get to share the experience with other team parents. On my sons' teams we have joked about the poses and the names the boys come up for themselves: "Captain Penis" "Super Penis," "Giant Pee-Pee Man" and "Rock Hard Privates." I believe this is the beginning of males naming their male parts.
Debra

A Musing Mother said...

And yet my daughters have never asked if I want to see their new bra.

Weird.

Lisa, An American Mom said...

Oh sheesh. Something to look forward to as the mother of 2 boys. Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Just wait until they have to get their first "real" sports physical. The look on my son's face after that life altering event is something I'll never forget.

Jenn said...

Ha! It only gets better with age! My son hits it with a bat before every practice, and goes "yup, still works." and sometimes follows it up with "you wanna try". His first year of baseball, we had a kid on the team that told my husband (who was being first base coach) "hey coach, the tip of my cup os touching my butthole." He had to try not to laugh and just told him that he didn't think it was supposed to be worn that way. You'll have a lot more funny stories as the years pass.

Jensamom23 said...

Been there...done that!

eliana23 said...

You just don't love them. I sense a lot of crotch violence coming up in your house for the next while.

Nicole said...

Oh Lord, things I have to look forward too..but, at least he offered to show it to you while it was in the bag and not doing it's job:-)

Anonymous said...

Last year, my [then] 7 year old's baseball coach called to tell us that he needed a cup... and said, perfectly calmly, that the best selection was at Dick's.

I managed to maintain composure on the phone, but repeated the story to everyone who would listen.

Mrs. Heidi Tucker said...

I can relate...I had to buy my son his first one this year too. It was so weird and I had nervous giggles the first time I saw him wearing it. It just doesn't seem right.

I've never commented, but have read your blog for a while and love it. It cracks me up and makes my day!

Anonymous said...

Classic!! Just this year my 11 year old travel baseball player said he needed a new cup. 'Why' I stupidly ask. 'Because mine is too small.'. Oh my.....the conversations we've about his 'junk'. He's once again properly protected--cup check and all!

Pam said...

My daughter thought it was great fun to play with her older brother's cup. It made for an interesting beak like feature on her face. Nice...

Angi Snyder said...

We had to do this last year. It was mortifying. Especially when my boys drug me into the sporting goods store at the mall with their friend, and proceeded to point at a cup that no human could possibly fill, and proclaim that was the size their friend needed. It's a good thing their dad took them to make the actual purchase, I was being realistic and looking for the toddler sizes.

trash said...

I have photos of my son doing 'the cup dance'ás he called it the day he got his for cricket. Something about the mind of a 8 yo boy!

Christine said...

So funny...my two boys have not played any sports worthy of "cups"...now I'm glad. ;)

Tiffani said...

I had this same thing happen yesterday. I even blogged about it. I had to go buy the cup myself so I informed my husband that he would be buying the training bras for our twin girls.

Mrs. Tuna said...

One of my brothers tried to convince me it was an oxygen mask. Pig.

Broken said...

I thought i was the only one! Our coach didn't require it but with an older brother my lil guy wanted one. It was hard not to laugh as my boys took turns hitting each other in the crotch. And once we were at the field my son made a loud announcement to the coach and team "Dude you guys wanna see my cup?!?!?!" Oh what pride!

Heidi G said...

At that age a peanut shell and a rubber band would have done the trick. Just wait for the day when they decide to impersonate Darth Vador and put it on their face. They don't ususally think of that when it is new and just out of the packaging. Oh no, wait till after game 5 or 6 when it is totally "ripe." I had 2 boys in baseball. I know.

Heather said...

Just bought my son's first cup this week. How I loved this post!

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of a funny story. I found out the hard way there are indeed some things that Dad has to just go do. When my son, around 8 at the time, needed his first cup for baseball I took him to the local sporting goods store. After he slipped into the dressing room to try on the "slider shorts" that the cup fits into, he came out with nothing else on, and over heard me asking the teenage boy ( who mistakingly asked me if I needed help) if he had any idea why size cup my son would need. Low and behold my little darling child shouts "um, I definitely need an extra large!" Thought I would just die right there, and I haven't been able to look at the helpful teenager in the eyes ever since.

Stephanie Smith said...

I featured you on my blog.

Kirsten said...

My son's cups sit proudly on top of the dryer because I am tired of looking under the bed, or digging through gym backs and dresser drawers trying to remember where he "threw" it last. See what you have to look forward to now!?!

republicans areevil said...

Hello there ladies I don't know anything about you or who you are but due to the fact that you are all even blogging leads me to believe 2 things:
1) you can afford at least a computer (or access to a car to get to a library(or at least some form of public transportation))
2) you are middle class
although you may think your life is hard, it is by no means hard compared to the lives of illegals, minorities, and troubled youth. they are the ones who have usually grown up without a parent, they are the ones who usually are grown up without any role models to look afters. they are the ones you should be fighting for. If you can't tell I will in the end of this be telling you to go vote Democrat. Please go vote democrat!!

Anonymous said...

To Republicans areevil: I am a democrat who is tired of working hard everyday to pay the way for the illegals and minorities! And we are blogging to hopefully try and not bring up our own kids as troubled youth. So please don't try to stick your agenda down my throat, I'm tired of it!

Anonymous said...

A friend told me her story about shopping for her son's first cup. The size choices at the store were "Pee Wee," "Medium," "Large," and so on. Even though her son was quite young and small, she couldn't bear to buy him "Pee Wee." I think she did manage to go with "Medium" rather than exaggerating further!