March 1, 2011

Satan's Slippery Slide

There is no graceful way for an adult to go down a slide at the park. I have learned this both through observation and experience.

My toddler is at the stage where he often finds himself in difficult predicaments, like sitting at the top of a slide and being afraid to go down. No amount of cajoling, reassuring, and/or bribing can get him to take the plunge. The only way he'll go down is if he is sitting between my legs.

No matter how deep in conversation they are with their friends, other mothers always stop and look when they see another adult going down a slide. Sometimes, when I inexplicably stop sliding and have to inch my way down while holding onto my screaming son with one hand and the hem of my skirt in the other, they snicker. This makes the experience all the more enjoyable.

A lot of times after such incidents, I find myself taking pictures of these women from unflattering angles with my I-Phone without their knowledge. Having these pictures stored on my phone for posterity makes me feel better about myself.

"I'll pay you twenty-five cents every time you go down the slide with Cameron," I told my daughter this afternoon.

She just laughed and ran away.

"Fifty!" I cried after her. "One dollar!"

No takers.

****
Haven't put your name into the hat for the $100 Walgreens gift card yet? GET GOING!

24 comments

Katie said...

my husband is in the air force and we are stationed in okinawa japan. they have some of the COOLEST slides here. Roller slides and steep dropping slides. The adults have more fun than the kids sometimes.

As far as "regular" slides go though, I agree with you.

I'm So Fancy said...

At least you're raising a daughter who understands economics. What's it worth to you, my friend?

Kira said...

I will never forget the look on my stepson's (6) face the first time I took him to the playground with his little brothers (4 and 2). As I chased after my boys running up and over the equipment he turned to his dad with a pleading look in his eyes while simultaneously wishing the earth was swallowing him whole. The other parents thought I was crazy but some days you just have to play with your kids. Especially after being told over and over that I wasn't his real mom and his mom hated me. Let loose and play those other mom are just jealous their hips can't fit on the slides.

ibdawnk said...

Your blog makes me laugh out loud. I am pretty sure that we are sisters in some right...don't know how but I feel you on so many levels. I have lurked here for a while now and I just wanted to let you know I really get a lot of smiles from your blog!

NanaGo said...

Priceless, thank you for the laugh today.

Amy Pasinski said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy Pasinski said...

I especially loathe the enclosed tunnel slides. Ugh.

www.PoopInACandle.com

Christine said...

Ha ha I feel for you! My daughter makes me still sit at the bottom and "catch" her and she's 9. With her short legs sometimes she still can't catch herself well....I guess I'll be catching her until she's 18...if shes still sliding that is :)

The Davis family said...

Best... Post... Ever! The same is true with swings. My daughter always wants me to hold her on the swings. They used to be fun. Now they just make me want to throw up. Thanks for always making me laugh!!

Aubrey said...

You're hilarious. It's like listening to my inner-thoughts, only funnier and wittier. I understand your pain. I remember going down the slide with my son while 7 months pregnant with my daughter... ah, the things we do for our kids.

purejoy said...

but is it worth all your hair standing on end? hate those new plastic slides. a veritable shock factory. you have fun girl… i agree. the other moms are just jealous your butt fits on the slide!

Melissa said...

How about the ones who wish they were playful and indulgent enough to go down the slide because it's fun! But oooh no, they are way to ADULT to do something like that!

Carrie said...

Oh this is too funny! Luckily my son is at the age where he will usually go down on his own. It's those wobbly bridges that he just can't bear to cross alone.

Rocket Ma'am said...

I once scaled a two-story twisty slide backwards to rescue a toddler- at 38 wks pregnant I didn't even hesitate. But after that every other mother at the park was guilted into taking care of my kids for me. Score!

LOL posteriors for posterity!

Anonymous said...

Enjoy the slides at the park while you can! I took my little boy (who is now 22) on a slide at a local water park. He was four. We got to the top and the worker would not let him sit on my lap. So, I sort of shoved him down first, then hurried down after him. To my horror, I got around a bend in the slide and saw him hanging on to the top edge for dear life! I grabbed him on my way by and we ended up going down at a very odd angle, but at least we were together. As we came up for air, sputtering and choking he smiled and said, "I waited for you mom!" Lol! He'd probably shove ME down the slide now! :-) Your blog brings back LOTS of memories!

Kristine said...

Aw, I always dress for slides at the park. I thought that was fun about having a 3 year old, I have a perfect excuse to be up there going down the slides (of course I like some slides more than others, but still . . . )

The Smith's Bree, Shawn. Jake and Jonas said...

I actually pulled my son down, while he was screaming a couple of times, now he rides the slide like a pro.

...And Faux Pearls said...

My stepson will only go down if hes on my lap or I'm beside him (if its a double slide.) I don't mind, but try to explain to a 2 year old that you've gone down the slide 10 times and now your tired and need to rest. I agree, the other mothers obviously need more to occupy their time, if their worried about you going down a slide. Definitely jealousy, or just wishing their kids were that young again.

Beth said...

Okay, I'm a party pooping nurse, but I just wanted to say that it is important to be really careful if you are going down a slide with your kid in your lap. There are actually a lot of incidents where the child got his/her foot caught between mom and the slide and broke that leg pretty severely. Make sure those feet are up!

Misty said...

Hopefully I am not on anyone's iPhone!!

My husband and I took my niece to the park and I was pushing her on the swing. Pushing and running under her and.... I did a major league baseball slide right there. I slid a good 3 feet on my face!!

I am sure I have videos of me on You Tube somewhere...

Grammy T. said...

I loved this post!!!

Julie said...

But surely the best part of any playground trip is when all the mommies get to witness you trying to get your kids to leave gracefully!

Ruth Ann said...

I went and looked at the Walgreen's giveaway and post and found we have something in common: Fair Skin. It is so HARD to find the lightest colored makeup!! I've given up wearing makeup because I can never find the right color. I use pressed powder in a compact on top of moisturizer. They discontinued the 'pure magic' makeup that my youngest daughter has been wearing and we've been buying and trying the lightest shade of different brands. Several were too dark! I didn't know I was part ghost....

Katie said...

Amen! We just got back from a trip to Disney World and I loathed all the slides in the Animal Kingdom that I just "had" to go down. Felt like I needed someone to pry me out as it's not easy to call out of.