March 28, 2011

Tubing with Parents

This weekend, both sets of parents were in town. My favorite part of the trip was whenever a decision had to be made.

"What do you want to do today?"
"What would you like to eat for lunch?"
"Would you like me to poke out your eyeballs with a hot poker?"

No matter what the question, the answer was the same. "We don't care!!!!"

I am fortunate to have compliant relatives. My husband and I are mentally deficient in a number of a key areas, but we are smart enough to always take our parents at their word.

That's how we ended up at the river.

I had been to the river once before. Last summer, a cashier at Wal-Mart told me about a place inside a local state park where you can float downstream in rented inner tubes.

"I can already tell this is a terrible idea," my husband said optimistically as he pulled into the parking lot. A woman walked past our car, holding an infant dressed in head-to-toe hunting camo.

"It's fine," I hissed. "What's the problem?"

My husband complained that everyone at the river was staring at us.

In the end, all my husband's worrying proved to be unwarranted. Tubing is super fun. On our journey down the river, we passed by a raccoon, defecating into the water. My sons managed to tip themselves over twice. The natural lazy river ended in a makeshift pool, which was filled with people who were either wearing bathing suits that they outgrew several years earlier or no bathing suits at all.

"Nice," my husband said to me, as if I had planned things to turn out that way.

When we got back to our stuff, we found that someone had stolen my sons' football and rifled through our cooler. I left the crime scene and took my toddler to the bathroom. Unfortunately, the door was locked. Several minutes later, a couple emerged, holding hands.

"It's time to go," I announced. "Now." My boys cried the whole way home about their stolen football. My daughter complained that the river water made her skin itchy. My dad was very, very quiet. Tim's parents talked incessantly about the raccoon. My husband didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.

The good news was that I was officially stripped of all of my decision making power for the rest of the visit.

28 comments

Laura@livingabigstory said...

So that's how I get out of planning the hub's next family reunion -- thank you so much!

Kristin said...

Whenever I feel homesick for Florida you help to cure me! :)

Clare and Gary said...

Ha ha thats so funny... and I almost know where you were... :-0)

purejoy said...

oh my. and yes. you can be my event planner the next time my family comes into town. ever since my brother had to be medivac-ed off the ocoee river after straining a groin muscle (ten years later and he hasn't lived it down), i'm officially off recreation plans. although my other brother and sister secretly gave me high fives for the elder brother's humiliation.

Emily Heizer Photography said...

I'M GONNA PEE!

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tricia ~~ Handmade Whimzy said...

Didn't you accidentally flash your naked body to your father in law at the last visit?
He's going to think every trip to your house involves naked people.

Hope said...

LOL! You just can't make this stuff up....tooooo funny!

Mommy-in-SC said...

HILARIOUS!!

Kayla said...

I've been tubing before. It's an adventure!

Anonymous said...

Oh goodness! That sounds like a prime example of the Abilene Paradox (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abilene_paradox).
I love how you always find the positive side of any situation! :)

Megs said...

Your stories make me laugh...always. I look forward to every new post.

Pyratess said...

I really hope you are not talking about Itchetucknee Springs. We were planning on taking a trip there this summer.

Charlie Pulsipher said...

This blog post made my skin all itchy. Is that normal? Ü

Renny said...

I am like your parents. I have friends that live near Boston and whenever I go visit they ask what I want to do. What they don't understand is that I know there are ten billion things to see in Boston and I want to see all of them, but I don't know where everything is, or what is feasible in one trip. I just want to say, "I don't live here! I want to see everything!"

So I'm sure it was great. Raccoons have to use the bathroom just like every other creature. Don't judge. You can judge the people that were in the bathroom though.

craftyashley said...

That's just the kind of backwoods madness that WalMart people do. Never take advice from a WalMart frequenter/worker. It always ends in pooping raccoons, stolen sundries, and teenage bathroom sex.

Pam said...

I'm glad you're making such great family memories!

Chris Tani and Princess Brielle said...

Your blog always makes me laugh!

Denise said...

hahahaha...how can you NOT laugh at that. And I agree with Laura. No more reunion planning for me...mmmmwwwaaaahhhaaaaaa...

Super Single Mom and Her Side Kids said...

Oh, I got stuck in a tube once.. true story! LOL I think it is on YouTube too!!! : )

Niki said...

Sounds like a date I went on once with a guy that wouldn't say sh** if he had a mouthful of it. I mean, this guy didn't even french kiss because he thought it was immoral. I'm sure he felt dirty seeing me in my one-piece suit worn with board shorts. On my river experience you got to rent a tube for your icechest, too! Ours was filled with pop and fruit. Everyone else had ample amounts of alcohol in theirs and I'm convinced every last drop made it into the drinker, but not before being consumed... So river tubing, whether you're in sunny AZ or sunny FL, I guess is NOT a family affair.

Cape Cod Step Mom said...

the Itchetucknee is a few hours away from Orlando. While it's in redneck country I have never experienced anything like she described. It is FREEZING though.

Our Life in the Deep End said...

Oh my goodness I was laughing so hard I have tears. I think for us locals you should really post where you went tubing being that if that is Rock Springs, UHH I was begging my husband to go there, and well now I am nervous!! Atleast you don't have to make decisions anymore on where to go. :)

Nikki said...

Do you pronounce " Itchetucknee" : itchy - tuck - knee? Cuz if you do - that is pretty funny....

India said...

From the description it sounds more like Kelly Park/ Rock Springs which is pretty close to Orlando...and well pretty redneck too from my experience.

housewife said...

LOL

Nancy said...

Where were the alligators? I would have been scared of those being in the river.

Lisa said...

hilarious! sounds like the perfect family vacation if you are hoping to speed it up!

Anonymous said...

I have had this visit, but my husband made the very, very bad decision. Afterwards, I told him we were never, ever, ever taking his very overweight mother for a hike in 80 degree weather. You'd think they would have also learned not to say, "I don't care," too, but nope!