April 26, 2011
Why are online degrees offered for every major except the one I want?
I've decided that I going to be herpetologist and/or a snake wrangler.
This is a natural career choice given that my back yard appears to be a snake sanctuary...or a breeding ground...or some nightmarish combination of the two.
My husband spent a significant portion of Easter Sunday trying to catch a four foot black snake that had somehow slithered its way into our pool enclosure. After the snake lunged at him, my husband opened the screen door and directed it towards our neighbor's yard.
Yesterday afternoon I came home to find another slightly smaller black snake swimming in our pool. I called my husband at work and made him come home and catch it. He let all the kids show their friends before letting the snake loose in the woods about a mile from our house.
Today I glanced out the window and saw the biggest one yet dangling from one of our newly planted bushes. By the time my husband responded to the second emergency phone call in as many days, it was gone.
"I feel like Indiana Jones," I told him. "And not in a good way."
This afternoon, I interrogated everyone at the bus stop. No one has had as many snakes as me, but everyone in my neighborhood has had at least one encounter with a Black Racer in the past two weeks. One lady's husband ran over two while mowing his lawn last weekend. Another woman found one curled up on her front porch. The poor man across the street (who is probably more afraid of snakes than me, if that's possible), went out for a morning swim the other day and had one lunge at him from inside the jacuzzi. I seriously would have died.
When it comes to scary reptiles, I've decided to count my blessings. And never go outside again.