April 17, 2011

My First Time (Drinking Alcohol)

Last night, I attended a little get together in my friend's back yard. By the time that I arrived, it was late, dark, and I was super thirsty.

One of the other guests pointed to a table in the corner. On the table was a cooler filled with wine and beer. Next to the table was a pitcher of lemonade.

At the same time as I saw the lemonade, I started talking to a very interesting man who has the coolest job on the planet. Since one of my favorite hobbies is living through other people, we made a good match. While I was talking to my new friend, I poured a tall glass for myself and poured it down the hatch.

Midway through the guzzle, I realized, to my total horror, that the lemonade wasn't lemonade.

My friends at the party had a field day when they saw what I had done.

"Do you need a ride home? Feeling tipsy Can I hold your hair back?" You get the idea.

I confessed my sin to my husband when I got home. He laughed so hard that he fell off the sofa.

As I try to come to terms with my defilement, I have realized that what is worse than actually consuming a few ounces of alcohol (alcohol consumption is a big no-no in my religion) is not being able to tell people anymore that I've never tasted it.

More than that, I worry that all of my non-Mormon friends will desert me now as they will no longer be able to say that they have a friend who has never consumed alcohol. I have lost all my coolness.

As you can see, the ramifications of this accident are significant and far-reaching.

53 comments

Tiff said...

Now that's just a mean trick! That lemonade should of been marked!!

Heather said...

The same thing has happened to me - and at an art event to boot. Oh boy... that was interesting!

So glad to know I'm not the only one who's done it.

sk said...

I accidentally drank alcohol (also Mormon) several yrs ago. Well this was straight up vodka that was in a water bottle ... my throat was burning I thought I had drank poison no joke haha

Muse Mama said...

I promise your non-Mormon friends won't judge you. I'm always impressed by those who can stand by the tenets of their faith.

The Mommy Therapy said...

I can't believe it took you a while to notice, it must have been a tasty drink!

I think you're friends might still like you, this is a good story to add to knowing someone that had never drank alcohol until...

Anita Cramer Wells said...

for those of us who are lucky to have avoided such accidents, enlighten us--how did it taste? how did you feel? was it fizzy like soda? even though i haven't ever wanted to drink, i must admit some curiosity as to taste.

Raising Marshmallows said...

Pitchers of lemonade are going to have you thinking twice now! LMAO!

Lisa said...

oh no! That stinks, but so funny.

any "reaction"?

Laura@livingabigstory said...

Doc actually ordered a lemonade at a restaurant and didn't know until the waitress made some crack that she'd brought him a mixed drink ... so it's totally possible to just have nooo idea. We ended up getting an apology and a huge gift card from the restaurant, which eased the sorrow a bit....

happyfamily said...

I accidentally drank wine once at a restaurant that I worked at. All of the employees had our styrofoam cups on a table- somehow my lemonade got mixed up with someone's wine. I don't know who was sneaking the wine, but lukewarm boxed wine in a styrofoam cup wasn't very tasty.

Grammy T. said...

Nope, not the same. You were tricked and that ain't nice. That happened to me once and I never, never, ever went back to a party by those friends, ever.

Mom said...

I was born and raised Mormon, but my inactive grandpa thought it was fun to give me brother and I a small taste of cherry wine. I don't really remember much about it other than that my mom was really angry. Don't worry, we'll all still be your on-line friends.
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

Jodi and Trevor said...

I never comment on blogs because I am a closet reader on google however I love everything you write.

I did want to share that this also happened to me at the makeup counter in Bloomingdales once in LA. I am Utah born and raised. Though I have traveled far reaching areas of the world it never dawned on my that a department store would serve pink vodka at 4 in the afternoon. It was pink... it was offered and I downed the whole thing (small tall glass) before I realized my throat felt like I had consumed cough syrup. Now I also stay away from carbonation so my first thought was that. My third swig more like slurp because I drank it all was "that was not carbonation"

I love having stories that you only feel guilty for being stupid...not really sinning.

the emily said...

I totally did that--when I was PREGNANT. Seriously. You should read my post about it, it's funny.

http://emilyssomething.blogspot.com/2010/02/carrabbas-effect.html

Daisha said...

I did this at a resort while on vacation with my husband. I had been careful to ask for all my drinks virgin. I always ordered a very fruity drink called a banana mama, but this time a different waiter came by and asked if I wanted another and I didn't clarify. It only took one tiny sip to realize my mistake but it was the most awful sip of drink I've ever had. . . burning throat and you couldn't even taste any of the delicious fruitiness. We had a good laugh, but it was disgusting. The alcohol totally ruined the flavor of the drink.

Micki said...

I am not Mormon, but I don't drink alcohol either. I find it interesting that everyone who knows this tries to find ways to get me to drink, like it's some kind of funny game. I have to be very careful at the few functions I attend that might have alcohol. I think it's sad that they took joy in your mistake and they probably knew what you were drinking and should have warned you. I can't help but think they knew what was going on and wanted to just see what would happen.

Sorry.

Robyn :) said...

I haven't done that, but accidentally drank regular tea a couple times. Once in a restaurant. It was in a red glass. Another time at function, it was in a cup and I thought it was cola(though it did look a little flat!!).

My friend ate a candy with rum in it (not cooked in mind you). It happens.

HW said...

I've never accidentally consumed alcohol (I am not Mormon but I simply choose not to drink) but I HAVE accidentally given it to my underage daughter.
In London she ordered her favorite drink - raspberry lemonade - and when it came, she took a big drink out of the straw. I did wonder why her eyes were getting so big. She gulped and said "Daddy. I think this has alcohol in it."
She was 15 and I had no idea they'd bring alcohol to a teenager without bothering to check an ID. So my husband had a big fruity rum filled drink because he didn't think we should send it back. He also woke up with a headache in the middle of the night.

Regarding the party, I don't mind if a hostess decides to serve alcohol but I think it is common courtesy to ALWAYS offer a non-alcoholic option and to make that option obvious. And I mean something besides tap water.

*

child of the universe said...

just say, i have never had alcohol, except by accident. that always starts up a good story. coollness factor ratified.

vanilla said...

All is forgiven. There is no sin imputed to her who inadvertantly consumes spiked lemonade. I was taught that alky consumption is sinful; but I don't use it because of religious tenets. I don't use it because I can't stand it and what it does to people.

Brie said...

My husband has been tricked so many times at work functions! Both mimosas and sangria have gotten the best of him.
Since I had a little rebellion in my past I could never say I was totally alcohol free, now the hubby can't either!

Shana said...

accidents happen........... but you never said whether you liked the taste or not

taradon said...

My accidental alcohol consumption came in the form of rum cupcakes at a work event. I had one and it was so delicious that I was about to go for another... when a co-worker informed me that they and the frosting were full of rum. I resolved not to feel guilty over it because I did it in complete ignorance... but I was awfully disappointed that I couldn't have another cupcake!

Natalie said...

It happens to nearly everyone - once on a date with a non-Mormon he thought it would be funny to order my drink for me - plus I was underage - Luckily I figured out what was going on before I got too far into it.
It wasn't intentional, that much is obvious!

Cindy said...

Lol, the only thing that would be worse would be if you'd taken Cameron and given him some too! (Happened to someone at church here.) And do you remember the story about Connor R at Ken's big graduation bash? Connor was about 2-3 and walked around finishing off all of the leftover wine that was sitting around...So you & Connor can hang out together now...

tulipdjc said...

that happened to my dh... on his MISSSION!!! Not funny!! Sorry!!

Catherine Dabels said...

So is the sequel to this story going to be about what that drink did to you because THAT is what I'm interested in hearing.

StrawberryBlond said...

My accidental alcohol consumption story involves chocolate. In high school one of my friends went to Italy and brought me back a chocolate bar. It had pictures of cherries on the front and I thought, Mmm cherries and chocolate! Well, I decided to eat it in the middle of biology class and noticed with the first bite that the "cherry" filling tasted a little off. That didn't stop me from eating though. I was a hungry teenager. I kept the wrapper (since it was Italian) and later told my friend that European chocolate tasted weird. She asked me why and I told her how the filling sorta burned my throat and she got wide eyed and looked at the label and sure enough: Kirsch! Cherry liqueur. Whoops.

Pastrami said...

I will never forgive you, and I'll never read your Blog again.

Laura said...

I'm mormon and I think this is so funny! You crack me up.

Stephanie said...

Jana, I'm Mormon too...I've done that too, and I too would have laughed AT you! Ha ha! I think it's so funny! We can't be taking life too seriously- and I have a feeling if you took it more seriously, you'd have fewer readers for sure! You made my day!

Kristin said...

Bwahahaha! Reminds me of the boxed wine incident several years ago...:)

~Christine~ said...

Too funny! Now you will have that experience to tell your kids that YOU KNOW what it is like and DON'T EVER DO IT!! Fun story to tell!

A. said...

I am so mad at myself, I had never, never, never had alcohol..up until the night of my 22nd birthday (and my friends has started drinking when we were 8!!) I had been doing soooo well. I didn't drink & was always telling people "I don't need to have a drink in order to have a good time" but then I met a guy, and this guy loved the Lord but also loved to drink(not Mormon, Baptists) and so he took me out for my birthday to a club he liked to go dancing at and I had a shot of whiskey, of course I did spew most of it out but I willingly drank it knowing exactly what it was. It is the only alcohol I have ever touched but I am sad that I can no longer say I have never drank any alcohol. I know how ya feel :(

mom24orsinis said...

well, thank the Lord it's HIS goodness, not ours that brings our redemption!! If we could do it on our own, we wouldn't need Him :)

Accidents happen...we love you all the more for sharing it with us... :)

Charlene said...

Was it the "a night of friends and fashion."?

Maybe they thought if you were sauced you'd be more inclined to buy some overpriced items they could make commission from??!!

Shannon said...

My sister in law accidentally downed an entire "juice box" on her MISSION, only to realize that it was boxed wine. She served in Italy where wine is a lot more common than juice! And she drank a LOT of it because she'd been riding her bike and was hot so she just chug chug chugged and didn't feel the burn until after she was done chugging. It still makes me laugh.

Susan from WhatWeirdos! said...

Reminds me of elementary school functions where all they're serving to drink is coffee. Really? What are the kids supposed to drink?

Kristine said...

the same thing happend to DH at a work party - he was outside with the guys and walks in with a wine cooler halfway gone. I fell off my chair laughing. He didn't know 'malt' meant alcohol. He thought it was real tasty juice. and you have to know DH - never watched an R rated movie!!

that being said I think it makes him extremely cool to be an inadvertent rebel.

I think I've always wished I could accidentally drink, just to have an awesome story!

Renny said...

1. While my brother was on the airplane flying to the MTC in Brazil the flight attendant gave him a memosa. She didn't tell him it was a memosa. She didn't ask to see i.d. She didn't charge him. He took a sip thinking it was orange juice and said, "what IS this?" "A memosa." He called from his layover in TX to tell my mom he drank alcohol.
2. Have you ever heard of Kombucha?It is supposed to be some "Wonder drink" and last year this guy in my Family Home Evening group (here in VT) bought some,because apparently he drinks it a lot and loves it, and encouraged all of us to try it, because it tastes like vomit and he wanted to see our reactions. A few weeks later he discovered it has alcohol(about 2%, or maybe less) which isn't surprising because I'm sure whatever it's made of is fermented. His roommate railed on him for giving us alcohol, at a church sanctioned thing no less! His roommate was filled with rage, I told him I didn't feel a need to confess to the bishop.
Hope you didn't have a hangover!

Casey said...

You didn't drink it intentionally knowing it was alcohol, doesn't that qualify you for a pass or get out of jail free card...something? It would be different if it were against your religion and you knew it was alcohol and you drank it anyway, but you were an innocent bystander. I'm sure God will forgive you.

chris said...

hopefully you serve a god who is graceful and forgiving. you should be the same.

Chelle said...

When I was much younger like 17 I visited a church that had wine as their communion. In my church we have always used grape juice. When it came to me I took it like a shot. That was my first experience with alcohol. Needless to say, just that little ounce made me sick and I spent the rest of the church service in the bathroom.

Steve and Jamie said...

My husband also had an accidently alcohol experience as a missionary in Australia. The missionaries would often stop and ask for a drink while tracting. Someone gave them a drink of ginger beer (which is generally non-alcoholic) that was home brewed. His companion only took a sip, but my husband drank a huge glass of it and the walked away from the house. As they were leaving, his companion turned to him and said "Elder, that tasted just like a Coors!" They spent the rest of the afternoon sitting under a tree until the effects of the ginger brew wore off.

Anonymous said...

My sister was horrified to find out she drank tea... it was in a can. She thought it was soda and accepted some from a neighbor. So did my brother. And they were 9 & 6. We were born, raised, and still are active in the church. No tea, coffee, or alcohol for us.

Courtney said...

My friend told me the story of a lady in her ward who kept telling her friends about this great new lemonade she and her husband had discovered. She loved it so much that she brought some to the next enrichment - she was pretty embarrassed when another woman explained that the "hard" in Mike's Hard Lemonade meant it was alcoholic.

LeAnne said...

A friend of mine was just telling me a similar story this weekend. She was at a local "sports bar" watching a game with her husband and some mormon and non mormon friends. The place was loud and when the waitress came around she ordered a diet coke with lime. It was hot outside and she was really thirsty so she swigged it down when it arrived just thinking it tasted kinda flat. It wasn't until the waitress asked her if she would like another rum and coke with lime that she realized what had happened.

Erin Starks-Teeter said...

That's really lame. I'm sorry about that. People will have to be friends with you for your other cool personality traits now.

Philip and Micaela said...

That almost happened to me recently as well. I poured what I thought was something like orange juice and was about to drink it. Fortunatley one of my really good friends who knew I didn't drink told me it wasn't juice. I was so thankful for her intervention! Crazy that the first time this happened to me was when I was 29! I think it's sad that your friends teased you about it afterwards. I would hope that my friends, knowing my beliefs would be embarassed that that had happened. Anyway, now I know to bring my own drink or to drink water from the tap. :)
-Micaela

Bethany said...

Oh no! LOL...how was it?

Angela Noelle of SK said...

Oh boy. Hilarious.

I'd hate that it dashed the "clean slate" track record more than anything else, if it had been me; "I've never intentionally consumed alcohol" just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

Anonymous said...

I too am LDS. although I had had alcohol is my earlier years I'm a good girl now. When I lived in Texas I went to a Christmas party and luckily they had egg nog amongst all the alcohol, something I could drink! LO and behold I totally forgot rhat people outside of Utah put a few different types if alcohol in it.

When I was 4 months pregnant I was at my sisters birthday party and mixed up my apple juice with someone else's apple juice/vodka drink...

Anonymous said...

Now I'm pretty sure Jesus won't love you anymore. They measure lifetime blood alcohol level at the pearly gates, y'know.