May 9, 2011

Fish Killers

Kellen's fish tank has been unoccupied for almost a year. On Saturday night, we handed over the space to three new tenants: Optimus Prime 1, Optimus Prime 2, and Optimus Prime 3.

Creativity isn't our strong suit.

All of the tenants were alive when we purchased them at the pet store. They were still alive when we put them into the tank an hour later.

Unfortunately, none of the tenants made it through the night.

By the time we made it to the kids' bedroom, the funeral program had already been put together.

For inexplicable reasons, the corpses were laid out in a row on the bathroom counter.

"Flush 'em," I ordered.

My husband would have none of it. Instead, he wrapped the bodies in paper towels, stuffed them in plastic ziploc sandwich bags, and shoved them into the freezer.

"You don't expect me to try to cook them, do you?" I asked nervously.

My husband has deluded himself into thinking that he is going to take the $2.00 creatures back to the store and they will give him new ones.

"There's a three day guarantee," he said.

"They all died at the same time," I reminded him. All fingers pointed to us as the murderers.

My husband looked out the window.

The truth comes slow to some.

24 comments

The Bus Driver said...

Petstore reality.. people bring in dead fish all the time. As long as you bring the receipt, they will exchange the fish for live ones.

miriamp said...

this maade me laugh out loud. did you let the water sit for 24 hours before you put the fish in?

elizabeth said...

I made a goldfish ice cube in a dixie cup to save for the next Saturday when my mom refused to take me back to the grocery/pet store when my 25c goldfish didn't survive the 48hr guarantee as a kid. I think I got my quarter back instead of a new fish :)

Pastrami said...

I love the fish names! Take em back so you can get Optimus 4-6.

Gilbert said...

Let me guess, salt water fish in a fresh water tank?

Mom of 12 said...

My mom was an amazing woman and she had a tank with goldfish. She only raised a couple at a time so they got really big! OK, they were about 5 inches long, but that's pretty good for a small tank fish. Anyway, one night after she changed the water, I guess she got a little too much in because that tank didn't have a top on it and by morning one of them had kamikazed itself onto the floor. Mom was devastated!
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

Samantha said...

This is so funny! I have 4 kids as well and we have been blessed with 2 betas, 1 goldfish named "Kisses", 2 Bearded Dragons and one very excited miniature dachshund. I snuck one beta to my neighbor, and my kids didn't notice...

I did however decide to put this human skull ornament that my husband bought (on a whim, might I add) in the goldfish bowl... Kisses was dead the next morning... ironic... the kids noticed.

Bossy said...

Oh dear! Did you clean the tank out with soap last time? The slightest residue will kill fish. Grab some bleach and wash the entire tank before your hubby exchanges them. You should let the water sit for a few days too.
I was convinced naming fish killed them as a child. It seems like our fish always died the night we settled on a name. Now I refuse to name them. And having an week-long establish aquarium before purchase seems to help as well.
Kira

Krafty Max Originals said...

This is just toooooo funny! My daughter killed her first fish - several times, several fish - then we discovered why....she was feeding them some of her 'glitter'!! She thought that it would make them 'sparklie fish'!!! ~KM

CityGirlLost said...

Awww! It's true though that as tough as fish are, moving to a new tank is kind of traumatizing. The water needs to sit for awhile and develop a biological filter-- essentially bacteria that change the ammonia from the fish into nitrogen. You may go through a few fish before the water is completely "cycled."

And pet stores do take back dead fish. Be careful of where you buy your fish. Check out the tanks. Are there dead fish floating in there? If so, not a good place to buy fish. Make sure the fish are active and not overcrowded too.

Janet's page said...

just because I can, I say it was probably ammonia poisoning aka new tank syndrome:)
make sure before you buy more to get something that says on the label to speed up the beneficial bacteria or to provide the tank with the needed beneficial bacteria :) otherwise the others will die too. AND for petes sake if you clean it with bleach (shudder) make sure you use a water conditioner to get rid of chlorine or that too will kill the fish....
I know WAY TO MUCH about all things fish if you have any questions, just sayin........

Lin said...

bwahaha...I can totally picture him walking into the fish store with 3 dead/frozen fish in a zip lock bag & a receipt.

Hilarious!

Kristin said...

It took me a little longer to kill off our family's beta, Rainbow. It also took me a little longer to give him his burial at sea- long enough for my then 5-year-old to decide to find out what fish tastes like. Not good, he decided.

http://excerpts-kristin.blogspot.com/

C-Dub said...

Unfortunately, I too know too much about fish. :) It's kind of a healthy-ish obsession of mine. :)

A lot of people think fish are an "easy" pet, but they're really difficult to get started with. For instance:

Did you make sure your water was free from ammonia? Were the fish compatible living together, or were they bettas? ;) Was the water approximately the same pH as at the store, and was it a proper pH for your fishes' needs? Did they get too hot or cold, or was there a lot of temperature fluctuation?

Unfortunately, those questions are just the beginning, lol. :) But whatever the reasons, a three-day guarantee is a three-day guarantee. Take them back, take some of the water they were living in in a separate container, and have it tested. The pet store can tell you if your water was ok for the fish, and they should help you get things healthy and give you healthy fish. :)

In case you knew all this and I came across as condescending - I'm sorry! I meant well! :D

Sue said...

I hear they taste like guinea pig...

Anonymous said...

I was a repeat fish killer too... I think it was the tap water. Once I switched to bottled water they lived, and then eventually they found a new home since their owners never cleaned their tank :)

MissMel said...

It was the names that killed them.

cbeck said...

I believe the pet store would have taken the fish back. But then you would've had to live with their suspicious looks every time you came back. And a year later you would find a comment on your site saying "I know what you did last spring..."

:)

cinderelly said...

I love that you asked if you were expected to cook them!

What's for dinner tonight?

Just Optimus Prime Noodle Casserole.

sad but true said...

i rarely comment but I love love love your blog. I laugh aloud, read it to my family, and hope you continue to write. Your family sounds wonderful and I want to be one of you!

lisa
Orange County, CA

Lindsey said...

After my husband and I were married, we lived in apartment complexes. One of our neighbors was extra smart and decided to ask us to take care of their fish while they were gone. They had about 15 large, expensive fish. One day when we went to feed them, their whole apartment had a funny stench to it. Turns out one of the stupid things got its head stuck up some kind of vent hole, overheated the tank and killed all the fish. They were too big to flush so we had to scoop them out into a gallon ziplock and throw them in the trash. We will never have fish and never watch anyone else's fish again.

Holly said...

one time, i woke up and found my beloved goldfish, "flounder" dead. my mom unceremoniously flushed it down the toilet. then, my SIX sisters and i got ready for school, each going pee at least once, and flushing the toilet more times than that. a few hours later, my mom came into the bathroom to tackle the disaster we had left behind. she found flounder swimming energetically in the toilet bowl.
no joke. we have witnesses.
she ran out of the house, screaming, because she saw a couple city workers doing something with the sewer drain. they came and looked in the toilet to see flounder, revived, in the toilet bowl. they actually went back to the sewer to see if there were any other "dead" fish in the sewer drain.
flounder lived only a couple days more before my two year old sister fed him dog food. apparently, he looked hungry.

Our Banana Moments said...

LOL aww poor little $2 creatures. I am a new fan!

http://www.ourbananamoments.com
http://www.facebook.com/ourbananamoments

Marsha

MormonGirl123 said...

One time my brother put bathroom spray into somebody else's fish tank. They all died...