June 10, 2011

Sports Authority


We were only in Sports Authority for ten minutes. And one department for that matter. Yet, within this short period of time, one child managed to poke another in the face with the end of a fishing pole. Another child accidentally pulled down a display sleeping bag from the wall. A third couldn't stop looking at the shotguns.

"Please don't touch anything!" I cried.

"We forgot," they replied.

That's when I noticed that I had sweated my way through my shirt. This did not bode well.


By the time we reached the checkout line, one of my kids had wandered off. We found him hitting golf balls on the miniature putting green.

"Get over here!" I screeched.

As I was buying three 30-degree sleeping bags, I decided that I didn't want to take my kids camping this summer after all.

In fact, I realized that I never wanted to take them camping. The thought of my whole family inside a tent sends shivers down my spine. But like wearing a onesie with the phrase "Daddy's Little Slugger" plastered across the front, it's a right of passage for American boys. Cortlen and Kellen are beyond excited.

That's unfortunate for me because I like camping about as much as I like the male librarian in the children's department at the library. Which isn't all that much.

It's not happening for another month, but I already know that it's going to be amazing.

38 comments

Momfever said...

I feel for you. Obviously you shouldn't take your kids camping! You should send them ón a campingtrip. With some other adult.

Jennifer said...

We LOVE camping and have been going since our kiddos were babies! The trick is to let them run everywhere all day and by the evening they are exhausted from all of the running and fresh air. Thus they just conk out....leaving you time to sit by the fire and enjoy a drink or two!

Mum on the Run said...

I love camping.
(Within reason - like actual toilets, tent with 'rooms' and decent weather.)
But all my advice relies on you enjoying wine and marshmallows - a lot.
:-)

Crystal Jeffers said...

Gosh I love to camp. I love to camp so much that last summer I took my 4 camping without their father, and included my cousin who has never camped before and my neighbor and her two kids. We had a blast! I am already planning our camping trip for this summer and hoping that we can do it later in the year. Or maybe even do two camping trips this summer.

Liesl said...

Our children LOVED camping out - well, the one night that we actually took them camping anyway. I love camping, but was worried about how to deal with the three younger kids. It was GREAT!

BTW, my hubby finished his MLIS degree with the goal of becoming a children's librarian. Great storyteller and so good with kids. Apparently the rest of the public library system doesn't really care for male Youth Services Librarians, either, so he is still stuck in the world of academia.

CTR Mama said...

I send my kids camping with their father, even when it's just in the backyard. I never go along and everyone is happy! They get to bond with Daddy, who doesn't get flustered with them, and I get to stay hom. Wonderful! Good luck!

Carol and Taylor said...

We only camp in hotels...complete with bathroom, electricity, and a/c. Disney animal kingdom lodge has excellent ambiance for indoor camping!

I'm dreading when my 5 yr old becomes a brownie or junior, and realizes people actually camp outdoors.

Amy said...

LOL! What happened to "Live Positively"? Forget already, eh? Good luck with camping, certainly not something I enjoy doing...I perfer the AC and the clean swimming pool more than I do hoping for a breeze and a lake with snakes any day!

Dog-Walker said...

My kids love to camp...me? Not so much. I don't mind the hot dogs or the smores, but I hate sleeping on a flat air mattress and then dealing with a backache for the next couple of weeks. That and the bugs...
Oh and don't forget the possibility of wild animals. And the fact that the bathroom is either a block away or non-existent.
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

Mom of 12 said...

Doesn't it annoy you when your kids get on your computer, log themselves in and then you don't look when you start visiting your favorite blogs and suddenly you realize that you have been commenting under an alias all this time? LOL
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

Tonya said...

Someone just sent me the link to your blog and I absolutley love it! It was exactly what I needed today (and it is only 10:45am)!!!

They told me to read your post describing how you threw away your keys. I had to laugh b/c I can relate. A few months ago I threw away my $400 camera and all the pics on the card! Luckily I had already saved most of the pics on the computer...and it included the pictures from my second adoption journey to TAIWAN!!....Thankfully I have them on the computer..but still, I threw away my camera!

Geesh!!!

The Mommy Therapy said...

Amazing good or amazing bad?

I'm sure it will be great once you are all out there. What can they possible do out in the wilderness? Chances are they won't break anything at least.

Have fun. Can't wait to hear about it!

Karen said...

Camping for me=giant RV parked at the beach. Unfortunately I can't afford an RV.

Anonymous said...

2yo won't sleep, pacing the tent screaming and crying. Ranger shows up at 1am demanding to see the child (implying maybe he's being abused) Ended up leaving everything at the campsite, driving and hour home to sleep and sending dad back to pick up the pieces in the AM. 25 years later, that 2 year old manages a specialty outdoor store, hikes and camps on his own so it must not have been an entirely scarring experience.

Julie said...

Think father / son campout! Then stay home.

Anonymous said...

I do hope that the reason you don't like the male children's librarian is beacause you don't like him, and not just the fact that he's male and a children's librarian. Not all males who like kids are sexual predators. Males who do like kids? They're teachers, librarians... and Dads.

Bossy said...

I am thinking I would have the kids do a "trial run" in your backyard one night. Make sure you talk a lot about your lovely black snake and get them nice and nervous about camping. That should get out of next month.

Kira

Anonymous said...

To Anonymuous above: It is absolutely that specific librarian she doesn't like...she's posted stories about how personable and funloving he ISN'T. LOL.....not a slam on men at all...just this particular male does not seem to care to be there.

Anonymous said...

OOPS...typo...supposed to say "Anonymous"

Janelle said...

I just love reading your blog. If I am having a bad day I can make one click and be laughing in no time. The girls in my office must think I am mad since I am sitting alone in my office! Thanks for sharing the great stories that come from your every day life. I look forward to the next one!

Steph said...

Ahhh, your blog is like a breath of fresh air for my "mommy brain". I have had one of the "screeching banshee" kind of days and it's so nice to sit for a second and get a good chuckle. Seriously, where was the line in heaven where we were assigned children that don't touch things in the store, that obey and that don't fight...actually, now that I think of it, where was the line for another huge dose of patience for me?? I must of been in the bathroom, or something, when we were told to line up. In all seriousness though, thank you for making my life seem like I'm not out in left field alone (like yesterday when my kids shut down the self-check kiosk in Walmart...seriously, how do the kids even accomplish that in a matter of mins.?? Leaves me baffled and soooo embarrassed).

Sheila said...

My sentiments EXACTLY. Thanks for making my day :)

N.L. Janssen said...

My favorite campground? Holiday Inn.

Anonymous said...

I love camping! We used to go ALL THE TIME until we bought a timeshare.

I'm going to be camping for 5 days in a few weeks for Girls' Camp though.

Emily Heizer Photography said...

Maybe you should take up drinking again Jana.

mom24orsinis said...

girl!!! I am SO with you!! I came home tonight to my kids set up to sleep in the family room, by their fun loving Daddy...they were all still awake, at almost 11:00 pm...my children have never even been close to seeing that hour...

,,,and as much as I am freaking out knowing they will wake each other up WAY too early, I keep trying to tell myself it's a "fun" part of growing up...for them, not me :)

Where's my coffee?

Renate Hunter said...

How about boy scouts where the dad has to go on the camping trips without mom....perfect answer for their camping needs and your mental health.

Katie said...

The only "camping" I will do is in a cabin with plubming, a/c & a bed to sleep on. My hubby will only camp in a tent which means he usually ends up going with the kids alone. That's so unfortunate for me :)

Anonymous said...

Unsure why you are having to go. Your kids belong to the boyscouts and have a leader to do this right? So why do you have to go with the scouts on a camping trip? If they are not scouts...did something happen to their Dad? I'm am so sorry if it did, otherwise he needs to take them for a father son bonding weekend. or father children bonding weekend. I figure unless I am homeless and unemployed I should never have to sleep where animals poop.

Brookes4boys said...

To the above, her boys are cub scouts, which have to have a parent to camp with them. They cannot go without a parent until boy scouts, which is 5th or 6th grade.

Generally cub scout campouts are considered "family" camp outs and the entire family is welcome, but not required. Sometimes my husband takes our boys, and sometimes we all go as a family. I guess they have decided to all go together

Arlee said...

We gave up on tent camping after several miserable attempts! Now we just rent a cabin and set a tent up outside for the kids. Works out much better.

Sephanie Onamer said...

You might be pleasantly surprised by the camping trip.

Let them run wild all day, they might just fall into the rhythm of nature and be out cold just after the son goes down.

There are no store fixtures to not touch, nothing to break, etc.

Laurie said...

We love camping! My boys actually get along best when we are camping & they crash early because they've been so active all day!

~Jen~ said...

I am with you. Camping and me do NOT mix. Send them with Dad and have a quiet weekend to yourself. Or maybe just sent he boys and have a Mommy/Daughter weekend.

Carolyn said...

I don't like our male librarian either! It's like his goal is to get bothered by kids! So why does he work in the kid section for goodness sakes? Geesh!

J Leigh said...

You are hysterical. LOL @ "the male librarian in the children's department at the library"
I can't wait to read about how camping went for all of you! Good luck to you on maintaining control!

tracy@womanonwire.com said...

We just went camping this past weekend. I can't bring myself to write about it. I feel your pain.

The Empress said...

I
CanNOT
Handle
That.

No camping for me with kids.

I tried it once.

We left after one night.

It.was.crazy.