July 12, 2011

Another Way I Ruined My Child's Life


Today I ruined Cortlen's life.

He told me this several times on the way home from the bowling alley.

What heinous act of child abuse did I commit this time?

I tried to teach him how to bowl.

"Instead of dropping the bowling ball on the lane, you want to try to roll it," I told him.

On his first attempt, the ball rolled into the gutter.

This tragedy is the sole reason why he ended up losing to his twin brother by 15 points, and his two-year-old brother by 8. At least according to him.



"You made me lose on purpose!" he cried. "It's all your fault!"


"I didn't even make eye contact with you during your second game," I reminded him. "What happened there?"



While the rest of us were putting away the bowling balls and returning our rented shoes, Cortlen threw his street shoes down the lane.

I am still not sure what he hoped to accomplish by this.

On the way home, he repeated the phrase "I hate bowling" 8 million times.

"I'm not going to take you again if you act like this," I warned.

Later that night, we had a little talk about sportsmanship.

"You were a bad sport to try to make me lose at bowling today," he told me.

In addition to being star athletes, my kids are also intellectually gifted.

20 comments

Suzy www.savedbysuzy.blogspot.com said...

Sounds like my daughter...everything is always mom's fault...even if I'm not in the same room, area, state when the horrible event happens. She stepped on an earring at her friend's house the other day and hurt her foot. That was somehow my fault.

Bossy said...

My kids were poor sports until Grandma taught them "last the best of all the game" so they would stop leaving out my little sister (5 boys age 2 to 9 and one girl). Now they all fight over who is going to be last. It turns everything into a giant procrastination-fest as they strive for the coveted last one to finish. Ugh...
Kira

Mom of 12 said...

You know, the Grandmas in this family are AWESOME! But sometimes we teach our grandkids things just to get back at their moms who were not always the most idyllic of children...But seriously, the thing I've noticed with all these kids is that basically anything that goes wrong in their lives can somehow be traced back to my fault.
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

Brittany said...

haha, my daughter has entered a phase that sound just like this. Thanks for the laughs, sometimes I really need it! I am raising 3 kids under 5 and 2 of them have special needs. So I love finding other moms who have a lot going on. It's nice when moms share the real stuff of motherhood.

http://mikeandbrittanyericksen.blogspot.com/

Kat said...

This is exactly where my girls are heading. I can picture it now!

Melinda said...

I still love how my kids can be having the "best day ever!" in one breath, then with the plucking of one straw it becomes the "worst day in my entire life." Of course this straw could consist of having to take a bath, having to be nice to a sibling, having to turn off the tv...

Ruby said...

When my children tell me I am ruining their lives or they hate me, I say, "Thank you. That means I am doing my job." Even after hearing it a zillion times, they still get a shocked look on their faces and walk away.

Crunchy Mommy (aka Cindy) said...

I love that he turned a lesson about bad sportsmanship around to say YOU were the one displaying unsportsmanlike conduct. I think you may have a future NFL star on your hands.

Cindy
mommyiscrunchy.blogspot.com - The Crunchy (Grouchy) Mommy

Anonymous said...

The sad thing is your kids bowling score is about the same as mine.

edith said...

This is my son bowling!!!
This same son has the worst day of his life every time we try to do anything fun. And every Christmas.

vanilla said...

Yeah, you were placed on this earth specifically to ruin your kids lives. Oh, and give birth to them in the first place.

Andrea said...

Your interactions with your kids make me feel normal when I say things like "of course you have cat hair in your mouth, that's what happens when you lick the cat."
Thank you.

Bill said...

Your sin is greater than you realize. He lost by 17 points, not 15!

The horror...

Janet's page said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA I almost snorted my own spit with this one!! I love checking in with you..... Makes my day :)

Meta said...

Congratulations on ruining your child's life. I daily try to do just that...make them lose a toy, make them lose their place in a book, make them practice piano. I will be sad when their childhood is over...then I'll only be able to pick on my husband.

Anonymous said...

I'm realizing there are more ways to ruin a child's life than I previously thought.

Anonymous said...

Cortlen was the only kid to improve his score by 10 points in the second game...most improved doesn't get a prize?

Mrs. Tuna said...

You were supposed to say, "but of course I wanted you to screw up, it makes me feel better about myself adn guarantee I will always be a winner."

Tiffany said...

How did the two year old end up with a strike?

Jason said...

The idea that my ten year old son might be able to beat or even make a good showing against my thirteen year old son in ANYTHING sends him into a pre-school style tantrum of epic proportions. We were playing kick ball a week or two ago and the younger one caught one of the older's kicks. His comment? "I can't believe I lost to an inferior being!" For some reason, bowling brings this quality out in him like nothing else, so we just don't do it anymore.