September 14, 2011

If It Looks Like A Straw...




"Jimmy's cell phone started ringing in the middle of math today."

This is the first thing that my eight year-old daughter said to me when she got off the bus. Then she looked at me expectantly.

Fortunately, I know the moral of this tale and was more than happy to share it with her.

"That's why we don't bring electronics to school," I told her.

She rolled her eyes. "Noooo," she said slowly. "That's why I need a cell phone. I'm the only one in my class who doesn't have one."

I studied her carefully. "How about a mini-stapler instead?" I asked. I had just returned from Target and saw said item on sale for $1.77.


Her eyes lit up in excitement. My offer far exceeded her wildest dreams.

Just because I am a nice person, I let everyone pick out their own clearance stapler. We almost made it out of the aisle without incident when someone spotted a can of keyboard duster.

"Tee Hee!" I spun around on my heels to find one of my children squirting pressurized air into the mouths of the other two.



"Why would you do that?" I asked.

"It has a straw attached to it," Cortlen explained.

I felt compelled to ask them what they would do if I stuck a straw in the toilet bowl. "Would you drink out of it?"

They didn't see my point. But they did find my analogy funny. A little too funny, in fact, for my liking.

"You want us to drink toilet water?" Kellen could barely get it out before collapsing on the floor in a fit of giggles.

"No," I replied. "I just want you guys to use your brains."

By the time we got to the parking lot, Cortlen was in tears. "What' s up?" I asked. "Did I hurt your feelings?"

He shook his head. "It's not fair," he wailed. "Kellen and Camber got two squirts of the spray and I only got one."

I swear-I might as well just go dig a ditch and lie in it.

19 comments

Renee said...

I'm sorry, but that story had me seriously laughing out loud. Kids!! Your kids come up with the craziest things. Thank you for sharing your experience. I really needed a laugh today.

Anonymous said...

Yesterday, my twin 3.5 year old boys were feeding crayons, one by one, into our Vornado high velocity fan, shooting crayon shrapnel all over the room. Thankfully it didn't take thier fingers. Little turkeys.

snipsofsnailspuppydogtails said...

Hilarious!!! "He got more squirts than me!" That sounds exactly like something one of my boys would say!

Mom of 12 said...

Why is it that kids just don't understand the word "dangerous"? I've taken to hiding my canned air at home for exactly the same reasons. It seems that the little skull and crossbones just beckons them to try it...at least at my house.
Sandy
www.twelvemakesadozen.blogspot.com

June said...

Why do I have the feeling tomorrow's post is going to involve one of your children actually drinking out of the toilet?

mom24orsinis said...

FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY...I feel your pain...same ridiculousness happens here...really??? You're going to fight over who got more ice chips??? REALLY???

becca said...

oooh man! thanks for giving my life meaning!!!! Im glad Im not the only one baffled by my children's inability to use their brains. And I want to dig a hole and climb inside on a daily basis.

Emmy said...

Lol! You dare you not be a fair mom and let them all have two squirts! Hopefully the stapler diversion will work for a few more years.

Karen said...

OH my gosh, that was soooooo funny!!! I can just see them laughing about the toilet water!

Amalie said...

Haha! I've been having the cell phone conversation since kindergarten. Kindergarten!

mama loquita said...

and your nextt post will be about somebody trying to staple somebody else, staples in the most weird places of their bodies, the pets', or some other victim. I have to say I would rather read about that then the spray can stories. Kids/teens use those to get high. I know a girl that overdosed and collapsed on it. Thankfully she survived it. Those cans are highly toxic and very addictive. Two squirts in the mouth are not the problem, but I would tell the kids that it is an extremely dangerous thing and they should stay clear from those, no joke.

Nancy said...

A young girl from our church died from canned air. Most heartbreaking thing ever. Hope your kids learned a good lesson.

Anonymous said...

the canned air is no joke, I have a friend who lost their son to canned air. Please be serious with them and tell them it's not a toy. As for the stapler, I fear on this one, you will reap what you sew.

AlsoMean said...

My son continues to tell us how unfair it is that his little sister is losing a tooth in 1st grade when he didn't lose one until 2nd grade.

Thanks other moms for the warning about the canned air, I had not heard about it being abused (my kids are young).

Rachel said...

wow, are we leading the same life? Seriously, kids will fight about eeeeeeeverything!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!
Good luck with the staplers :)

vanilla said...

Those are the neatest little staplers. Thought I was gonna say "kids" didn't you? Well, that too.

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, I once yelled "For the love of Bob, keep your hands out of your sister's pants!!" at my then 3 year old daughter in Target...
Beth in TN

Beth said...

Sometimes I can't wait until my toddlers get older and can talk. Now I am not so sure...LOL.

Becca said...

Ah Jana. Save some room in that ditch for me, will ya'????