October 18, 2011
I got the stomach flu yesterday. As a result, I let a lot of things slide (my kids ate grapes, saltines, and ice cream for dinner), but there was one thing that I couldn't avoid.
For the first time since moving to Florida, Cortlen and Kellen are playing in a community basketball league. Last night was their mandatory skills test.
The so-called draft took place at the local high school gym. Upon arrival, the boys were given numbers to pin on the back of their shirts. Then they were instructed to join one of four pick-up games.
A row of coaches lined each court. Each man had a clipboard in his hands, which he was using to evaluate the players and place each of them into one of the following skills categories: a) exceptional b) average c) below average.
My daughter and I observed that there other ways to group the boys as well, including a) those who were belching b) those who were making fart sounds with their armpits c) those who professed to be able to belch and fart and play basketball at the same time.
The coaches too could be divided into groups according to a) those whose greatest disappointment in life is being only 5'6" tall b) those wearing Orlando Magic jerseys c) those wearing Air Jordan anything.
I understand why you have to give a skills test to second graders. I also understand why you can't just form teams by picking players' names randomly out of a hat. I get why you have to classify some seven year-olds' basketball skills as "exceptional" and others as "poor."
Wait--no I don't. The whole thing struck me as unnecessary and completely ridiculous.
I pulled the plug during the first water break and took my kids home.
I'm still unsure if my kids are going to be allowed to play in the league, or if I even want them to. All I do know that I'm going to do everything in my power to keep them unranked for as long as possible.