December 16, 2011

O Christmas Tree

Christmas trees are hard to come by in Orlando. At least for those who neglect to shop for theirs until a week before the big day.

The only trees that were left at the place we visited tonight were lopsided, missing half their branches, or had needles so sharp that they could draw blood.

We ended up choosing one that had all three of these desirable attributes.

"We'll just have to put it in a corner," my husband said.

We couldn't believe our good luck: we got the tree set up and the lights and ornaments put on without issue. No one fought over who was going to put the star on top of the tree. No one threw a temper tantrum and had to be expelled from the room. As we stood back to admire the finished product, however, the lights on the tree flickered...and then went out.

"It's okay," I chirped, desperate to preserve the moment. Unfortunately, no matter how many times I plugged and unplugged the lights from the wall socket, I couldn't cajole them into turning back on.

Of course, the broken string of lights turned out to be the one in the middle of the tree. And of course we had to strip the tree in order to figure that out.

"Don't buy these lights anymore," my husband told me through gritted teeth.

I had purchased the lights at the dollar store and had gotten exactly one dollar's worth of electricity out of them.

While my husband and I were messing with the lights, my kids succeeded in breaking three family heirloom ornaments and almost strangling themselves with a string of outdoor lights.

"They aren't toys!" I screeched. "Or weapons!"

By the time the tree was naked again, I had muttered three bad words under my breath. My attitude got so bad that my husband had to expel me from the room.

"Are you ready to come back in and join the family?" my daughter asked 10 minutes later. Her hands were on her hips.

I thought about the broken ornaments. "I need five more minutes," I told her.


Finding Home said...

I am not sure that I have ever commented here before, but I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog, your humor and your real honest portrayal of what we are go through. I too would have needed 5 more minutes!

Imagine the year we put our tree up, my husband had to drive 4 hours to to his Grandmother's funeral and I had to cancel at the last minute because my 4 year old was so sick. Took her to the doctor - turned out she had of all things - Scarlet Fever - I thought they should have given me the mother of the year award right there! Turns out you get that when you mother dismisses your complaints of sore throat as just a cold and it was strep gone too far.

Back to the tree - after driving back 4 hours that night, my husband found me trying to glue back together all of our baby ornaments, in tears, after our tree crashed to the floor and then he had to put it back up and secure it. Good time, good times!

We always wire ours to something now!

Merry Christmas!

Donna said...

There's been a few years when I've had to "Take a Break" from decorating the tree also. At least you had the good sense to take another 5 minutes.

Jenn said...

Our daughter's 2nd Christmas she was so excited to help decorate the tree, but apparently her decoration style put all the heavy ornaments on one side and it tipped over crashing down on tile and breaking ornaments I had been collecting all my life. All but a few of the ones that survived have been murdered by our almost 2 year old this year. About a week ago I took all the survivors and put them away and put the repaired ones up on only a small triangle of the tree. Not sure if we'll try again next year, but right now I say not because I want my childhood memories to live on!

Jeremy and Sarah said...

So glad I'm not the only one. Good to know that everyone is human.

P.S. Scratch the 5 min, I would have gone with another 2 hours and spent time in a spa bath with soaking salts and sugar scrub behind a locked door. Merry Christmas!

Amy said...

LOL! Sounds about like us this year. I fell on my bad knee and introduced my kids to a few 4 letter words. Ho ho ho!

Anonymous said...

ME ME ME...can I have a timeout too? I mean I really need it, probably need at least a four, no 6 hour, no a week I need a time out for a be removed from everything and learn just what I have done. I need to be in quiet and not subject others to my poor behavior. YES that's it a cruise ship, on my own. My kids have heard way to many words that should never, ever be uttered recently.

Tracie said...

I have usually been to pregnant or breast feeding to help with the tree. Other than sitting in the rocker handing the children ornaments while Daddy helps them put them on the tree. This year was the first I got to really help and it was SO STRESSFUL! I would cringe everytime I would see a tiny little hand grabbing at my heirloom ornaments.

Barron's Mom said...

My son was 19 mos the first time we let him help decorate the tree. We were so excited, we had gotten most of the ornaments up without a problem. All of a sudden my son grabs a glass ornament and proudly says, "Baa!" Then he proceeds to throw it right down on the ceramic tile. Well, the do definately look like balls. We took everything off the tree and spent that Christmas with lights and 3 ornaments way up at the top. Lol.

Meg@Domesticated-ish said...

That is too funny. I am definitely going to use that in the future. When I need a break for whatever reason I will just sentence myself to a time out. Love it

Jess said...

I don't remember when I started reading your blog...we probably have a mutual friend out there somewhere. Anyway, you always make me smile, but this one had me laughing out loud. :D Thanks.

becca said...

oh the joys of the tree! my husband has to put me in time outs now and then too! :) Happy Holidays!

Jennifer said...

Is it wrong that I wish someone would put me in time out? I could use one. ;-) Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Julie said...

Love this story! Let's face it, as my mom always says "The holidays are hard on women." And yet, we always try to make it story-book perfect. Thanks for your honesty and humor; love your blog!

kristi said...

Hilarious!! I just found your blog.

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