August 14, 2008

Bad Naked

My children have a deep and, to use an appropriate pun, growing fascination with my belly. I am not overly prudish about my body, but I don't make a point of walking around the house in my birthday suit either. If the kids want to examine my stomach, they are more than welcome to do so, as long as it is not at the grocery store, on the train during rush hour, or while we are waiting for a table at Chili's.

Yesterday, I laid on the couch for a half hour and let them poke and prod at my midsection with plastic stethoscopes and chainsaws. Clearly this act of generosity was not enough to satiate my children's curiosity about my changing shape because later that afternoon, in a rare act of cooperation, they built a battering ram out of their bodies and burst into my bedroom...only to find me folding laundry.

"I thought you were getting dressed," said Kellen. His disappointment was almost palpable.
"Are you going to change your clothes sometime soon?" asked Camber hopefully.

Such unapologetic invasions of privacy have forced me to start getting dressed and undressed in the closet or bathroom. Unfortunately, this has only served to heighten the desire to catch me partially clothed.

"I know you're in there," said Cortlen through the bathroom door this morning.
"This is mom's private time," I told him. "I'll be out in a minute."
"I don't care if you watch me get dressed," he said.
"Yeah," I said, "But I do."

The fact is, I never really minded if my kids caught me in the middle of one of my three daily wardrobe changes (I sit next to Kellen at the table and sometimes he mistakes me for his napkin), that is, until their commentary on my body started to hurt my feelings.

"Your stomach is big enough to fit Sparky (our neighbor's Labrador retriever)," remarked Camber at the pool the other day.
"It looks like you ate a Duke basketball," said Cortlen.
"Thank you," I said to my children. "I feel really good about myself right now."
"Your welcome," they said, and then skipped away.

* Sorry about the late post; my internet was down all day.


Unknown said...

Luckily my kids haven't taken an interest in the size, but they do get excited about the movement. The only thing that I think is funny is their curiosity about breast feeding. They always seem to bring that up or confirm the baby will drink "mom's milk" in public - while pointing out my breasts. It's great fun to distract to lower the raised eyebrows.

Rosemary said...

Love when people make you feel so great about your pregnant body. I got to hear from EVERYONE including my children, husband, mom, teenage sisters, and any one else who came into contact with me for the last 3 months of my pregnancy how freakin HUGE my stomach was. Well no sh***. I do own mirrors people. And now, I get to hear how my boobs look "so sad and saggy" because of my 3 kids from my 19 year old sister. Thanks for the self esteem boost.

Unknown said...

Aren't kids great! ;)

I had been dieting for some time and was doing good... or so I thought, until my youngest asked me, "mom, how come you are getting smaller but your butt is still so big?"... um, yeah...

By the way... I've been meaning to tell ya, you are the very first 'Flip'n Crazy Blog of the Month' over at my blog Flip'n Crazy! Congrats, and thanks for making me smile!

echoeve said...

I do not know you however, I read your blog everyday. I really enjoy it. I have 5 children myself from 15 to 4.

I don't think children really say those types of things to hurt our feelings they just don't think about it.

While I was pregnant I never got the big belly, I just got fatter.
Right before I had my first some didn't even know I was pregnant.
I always wanted the round belly. Oh well.

DeLaina said...

While exiting the bathroom into the hall, with my four-year old observing my clumsy, pregnancy-induced progress, she pipes up with some useful advice: "You're so big mom, you should just open the door all the way in the first place." Gee, thanks.

Hang in there, and have fun playing hide-and-seek-to-change-your-clothes for the next few months *grin*

Jana said...

Oh my gosh...I never thought about the breast feeding issue before.

I'm glad that y'all have had similar experiences. Makes me feel slightly less freakish.

Linda said...

LOL! They're fascinated!

Jana said...


Thanks so much. I'm honored.