The Dentist

This afternoon, I took my kids to the dentist.

In Philadephia, my kids liked going to the dentist because the office had bubblegum flavored toothpaste and a prize box filled with fake tattoos.

My insurance company told me that the new dentist specialized in pediatrics, but when we showed up at the office, everyone in the waiting room was over the age of 60.

"We see patients ages five and up," the receptionist clarified.

"Where's the aquarium?" asked Kellen. He looked around for the requisite waiting room fish tank but all he found was a stack of brochures for gum disease.

After a 45 minute wait (which was brutal), all of my kids were brought back and placed in separate chairs in separate rooms. I volunteered to stick around and offer moral support to anyone who needed it, but everyone told me to get lost so I wandered back to the waiting room with Cameron and learned a lot about crowns and bridges. Cameron was super wiggly and started catapulting himself off my lap for fun. Fortunately, I had a lollipop leftover from Halloween in my purse.

A few minutes later, a hygienist poked her head into the room.

"Can I see you for a minute?" she asked.

Kellen was curled into a ball in his dentist chair. His head was in his hands and he was crying hysterically.

"What's the deal?" I asked.

"That lady is attacking my teeth!" he sobbed.

The hygienist explained that the enemy was not her, but plaque.

"Kellen really needs to do a better job of brushing his teeth," the woman lectured.

At that very moment, Cameron pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and stuck it in my face.

"He's trying to share it with me," I said proudly.

The woman looked at me with complete and utter disgust.