When Words Literally Work Against You

I was the voice of reason in my household until my children started taking my words literally.

"Get in the shower please," I ordered Camber one morning last week. I peeked in the bathroom just in time to see my fully-clothed six-year-old daughter step in and then immediately out of a completely dry shower stall.

"I did what you told me to do!" she hissed when I cried foul.

While my daughter writhed on the bathroom floor in her pajamas, crying over the insurmountable obstacle with which she was faced ("What do you mean 'take a shower?' I don't know what you're talking about! Take it where? Where am I supposed to take it? How am I supposed to move the shower? You tell me! How?"), I went downstairs to feed the rest of the kids.

"Can you get a box of cereal down for me?" asked Kellen, one of my five-year-old sons, pointing at the top shelf of my pantry.
"Just a second," I replied. I was in the middle of feeding the baby.
"One!" he shouted. "A second is up! Now can you get the cereal?!"

My son was disappointed to learn that I had lost all motivation to help him out.
"Never?" he asked. "You're never ever going to help me with anything again?!"

He was still wailing about his abandonment when I sent him upstairs to help his sister relocate the bathroom.

"Everyone in the car!" I ordered a few minutes later. If we didn't hurry, my kids would be late to school. Again.

A few seconds later, I opened the car door to find my family's two cats sitting in the front passenger seat.

"You said everyone," smirked my other son, Cortlen.

"I'm getting really sick of this!" I barked to the backseat. There was slight pause before someone cautioned me--against better judgment--to not throw up in the car.

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Any similar tales of wo?

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