November 26, 2008

Saving Christmas


If you hang around the lingerie section of T.J. Maxx long enough during the holiday season, sooner or later you're bound to run into a middle aged man picking out something for his significant other.

The other night I was hunched over a cardboard box full of unisex long johns when I unwittingly found myself in the path of destruction. Specifically, as I stood up to adjust my own underpants, I noticed that a man standing at the end of the aisle was trying to determine if I could fit into the ones that he was holding in his hands. It only took a very quick look at the objects that the man was holding to realize that he was a very good judge of women's underwear sizes: I am, in fact, a Double D on top and an extra small on bottom.

"For your wife?" I asked of the functional sleepwear the man had selected.
"Yes," the man said nervously.
"She's one very lucky lady," I replied, eyeing the cheetah-print g-string and matching see through babydoll top.

I hope that my husband is as thoughtful this holiday season.

The man was tremendously relieved that I liked his present.

I was in the process of encouraging the man to make his wife's Christmas even more special by adding a toaster and subscription to Weight Watchers to his already impressive gift arsenal when the man's cell phone rang. It was an important business call, and he had to take it outside.

The man's departure gave me enough time to remove all of the animal-print nighties from the rack and shove them behind a rack of lime green Isotoner slippers.

Who says one person can't make a difference? I single-handedly saved someone's Christmas.

11 comments

Latu-Vaki Family said...

hahaha, that is so true! luckily my husband has a little bit of stylish taste so I haven't recieved any scary peices yet. However, he always gets my size wrong. Everytime we go to a store He'll find some awsome looking size 7 jeans and tell me to go try them on. I'm a size 12! I hope that means he thinks I'm a good size and not just hinting me to lose the lbs! I'm glad you hid those scary things before the guy came back!

Swordfish said...

Good for you. I will admit though that I have a healthy drawer filled with linger and I think it is important for a marriage to keep it interesting, SO that being said, I wouldn't mind my husband buying me lingere, if he likes it, BUT it better come with a new toaster or something else.

The Mommy said...

I used to work in the lingerie department at JCPenney at Christmas-time. Every.single.guy shopping for his significant other would say, "She's about your size..." The down-side? I was there December 26th when many of these same-size-as-me women came to return their stuff. Men really stink at judging a woman's size! I guess it's the thought that counts? I dunno. I'd rather have a toaster (actually a toaster oven, but still).

Leah said...

i'm glad to know that I'm not the only one to hide ugly things. (I think the boys have caught the virus too. I find them rearranging the store shelves, putting all the pink things behind everything else)

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

laugh out loud hilarious. I love that you were digging for long underwear. That's so great.

becca said...

hi! I love your blog. This post made me laugh so hard I about spit beverage all over the keyboard. hysterical! Just in case that was my husband, I say thank you very much! ;-)

Rachel said...

You are truly a Christmas elf!
Glad to hear about Cameron, hoping he keeps getting better, that would be the best Christmas gift of all.

Toni said...

hahahaha some woman should be thanking you so very much right now! I can handle lingerie for anniversary but Christmas...I don't think so

RaT Babies said...

Ahhhh...as the husband who has done that....At least we tried. After Jacobs arrival 7 weeks ago, there is NO way I'm going there in the forseeable future. As for the print part of it...cringe, shudder & vomit spring to mind.

Jana said...

If any of you ladies change your mind, I can tell you where I hid my treasures!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Hah. You're hysterical. Have you seen this doghouse video?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twivg7GkYts