December 12, 2008

2008 Christmas Letter

Our front yard



Dear Family and Friends,

Happy Holidays! We have had a pretty much perfect 2008 and can't wait to share what our family has been up to over the past few months.

Camber started school this year, but her time in kindergarten was short lived. She is really mature for her age and wasn't really being challenged academically (she can read chapter books), so school officials moved her up to first grade after the first week of classes. In addition to taking piano, oil painting, horseback riding, ballroom dance, and Chinese language lessons, Camber also plays the violin on a third grade level.

Kellen and Cortlen are five years old and are twins, as in they were both in my belly together and were born at the same time and have the same birthday. Even though they are two different people with radically different personalities and interests, I like to talk about them as if they were one entity because it's cute and I get a lot more attention as a mother of multiples instead of a mother of multiple children. KC as I like to call them, is the smartest kid in preschool, as evidenced by the fact that he is given double the amount of work as his classmates. When he's not ripping through alphabet worksheets and linear algebra equations at the speed of light, you can find KC getting a head start on his Eagle Project or inventing ancient civilizations on the Internet.

Cameron ties with his three older siblings as THE BEST BABY EVER!!! He slept through the night on his first day home from the hospital and never cries. He also inherited the family genius genes. You would hardly know that he's only 11 weeks old just by looking at him; he's that advanced for his age.

I was one of the lucky few to have an easy pregnancy and even easier labor and delivery. I only pushed three times and out he came! Within a week after delivery, I was back into my skinny jeans and skintight see-through sweaters. My doctors call me a medical marvel because instead of shriveling up and drooping down like most women's breasts do after pregnancy, my boobs miraculously blossomed into the perfectly perky specimens that they are today. I can't explain why I have such a large and buoyant rack, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with God rewarding me for being such a good mom and perfect wife.

My hubby loves his job more than ever, especially now that he can work from home 4 days each week. While the kids are at school (and Cameron sleeps of course), we take long walks on the beach, cuddle on the couch, and go grocery shopping together.

We hope but highly doubt that your 2009 will be as good as ours.


With love and a great big group hug,

The Mathews Family

43 comments

HW said...

This is perfect. I was getting ready to post a letter on my blog about our PERFECT HOLIDAY family.

I just love your blog (but I still want to be the meanest mom)

Aunt MeMe/Mindy said...

That was too funny! You never disappoint Jana! That is for sure. I love reading your blog!

Cindy said...

Now *that* is a classic Christmas letter! And how awesome that you could work a description of your "rack" into it! ;)

Ilana said...

The yard looks great! And I agree, what holiday greeting is complete without an assessment of how your rack has fared over the past year? That gives me an idea for my own holiday card...

Shosh said...

LOL!!!!

Tanna'sTriplets said...

HAHAHAHA!!! I love it!!

Kathy Slattengren said...

Congratulations on your perfect year with your incredible family (not to mention impressive front yard!).

prdmommyof3 said...

You most certainly MUST be the perfect mother & wife...why else would you have such a perfect family? And your yard! Geesh...way to make us all jealous. You know what I want for Christmas? To grow up and be like you...perky boobs and all!

Merry Christmas!

ds said...

Oh that's great! violin at a 3rd grade level had me cracking up.

Lisa said...

I seriously look forward to your Christmas letter every year. You are a genius. I will be chuckling all day now!

Sants said...

We do get a few letters like this every year.

Well, not exactly like this - I've never had one where someone mentions their rack - although the pictures have made it clear what SOMEONE got for Christmas.

Liz said...

Oh yes... we have the one family member who send out the newsletter going on and on about how perfect their family is and will always continue to be. Then, we have the other family member who instead of writing all down on paper, decides to shower my children (with gifts only SHE could afford) b/c according to her, we're poor!
GOTTA LOVE FAMILY @ CHRISTMAS TIME!!

Renny said...

Jana you are hilarious. Your life sounds "seriously so blessed." Happy Christmas!

Reese said...

You don't know how close I have been to sending out a letter like that. But I always chicken out knowing that over half of its recipients do not share the same sense of humor. Awesome.

janaemadsen said...

sounds like my year except we rescued some animals in need

Janee said...

Your letter is the best. I'm laughing at it and all these funny comments.

Helen said...

LOL!

Let me ask you something though - how high is your electric bill with the glorious display in your front yard?

Likes Chocolate said...

Great letter!!!! I wonder how this would work for me. Maybe, I should send out a letter like this one. Merry Christmas!

Karen said...

Every year I swear I'm going to send such a letter, but I never have the nerve. However we have friends who did and I made everyone who came to my house over the holidays read it because it was so good!
You should seriously send that out, so everyone can pee in their pants a little!

lisa b. said...

Oh how you make me laugh, thank you!!! Happy holidays to you, and thank you for all the joy you bring to me throughout the year, I truly look forward to your posts each day!

Becky said...

It's perfect. I'm so happy everyone will know how perfect you guys are.. I think it's the communication with your children that really helps.

I've been trying for the mother of the year award.. but since my boobs aren't so perky (I am still nursing- does that help?).. guess I know that you're still a competitor. Grrrr... ;o)

Jen said...

LOL! and I thought I was the only one annoyed and irritated by those 'our lives are perfect, don't you wish you were us?' holiday family newsletters.

well done!

Deb said...

You are the best for real! I mean perfect family, perfect children, perfect life all that an perky boobs too! I mean really what could anyone else want???

Keep us laughing lady! I love it!

Deb

The PiƱon Family said...

CLASSIC

HM said...

I don't know what you've been ingesting, but I really, really want some too.

InkMom said...

This is hilarious. I just made my husband listen while I read it aloud to him.

I think one of these years I'm going to send out a brutal reality-check Christmas letter with things in it like, oh, I don't know, so-and-so's constipation finally resolved in a BIG way, if you know what I mean, or someone's finally stopped wiping boogers on the wall next to the bed -- or even better, I've decided to take up smoking because somehow I've got to cope with the stress of three children a total of 20 months apart.

Not really.
But maybe I will.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

Oooo, would you please please please write my Christmas newsletter? I'm thinking of cutting out a family pic in a catalog to use for our family photo.

WackyMummy said...

Awesome! I thought I was the only one with a perfect year. ;) Happy Christmas!

Kate said...

Hahahaha, I love it!

Twinlinebackers said...

Your front yard looks smashing. But your letter needs to be more honest. As the mother of almost 5 year old twins I know for certain why you refer to your twins as one entity. It is because, like me, you can never remember which one did what.

I am forever starting stories "Yesterday Prince, er, I mean, Tackler, er, one of em ....." and now you've made me feel horribly guilty about my lack of differentiation. You are a mean mom.

Oh, and I agree with Llana. I never considered updating folks on my rack. And I thought I had nothing interesting to say this year.

Blog Buddy said...

I'm really jealous that your front yard has perfect lighting and your kids are so ingenious in school. I'm going to mention these facts to my family. We need to have a family meeting tonight! I wonder if my daughter would pose in my bra-just for the blogging family...

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Wow, it's shocking how much your year sounds just like mine except for that part about the violin. My kids are playing the harp. ... on America's Got Talent. (You do too, by the way.)

Jackie said...

May the rest of us live up to the bar you've set so high. :)

Great post. I took on the Christmas classics on my blog today... aren't the holidays just grand?

Rachel said...

That was hilarious, and reminds me of so many other sickeningly sweet Christmas letters I get from all the people with perfect lives.

brossettelewis said...

Well we suck rocks then. My rack houses 2 soggy deflated balloons. My 5yr old doesn't listen. My 2 yr old can't get the knack of peeing IN the potty. My twins (my only redeeming value) were slow to walk and have done nothing extraordinary. My DH...i don't know, he's always working...how am I to know what he's up to.

Teach me Janna, teach me.

Lydia said...

Hilarious. I can't stop laughing. You are too much!

James DeSpain said...

Jana,

You could have taken more literary license on my life working from home. You forgot to mention that I'm putting in new floors during my lunch break. Tim is a lucky man !! Becky wants the secret to perky boobies . . .

Suzanne said...

Wow, that is nearly word-for-word our Christmas letter this year! Except for all the parts that are completely different...

Faithful Lurker said...

That is the most perfect Christmas letter ever. I only wish my family was as wonderful as yours!

April said...

that was awesome. pure unadulterated awesome.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Just blog hopping and wanted to say hi. It took me a few paragraphs to realize this was a joke. Hah. Cute!!!!!

Choicemumtobe said...

Just stumbled accross your blog from Ask and Ye Shall Receive and I've been glued here for at least 17 minutes of my Sunday morning. Bloody hysterical!

Although reading this post I do think you could (read should) set yourself and your kids higher goals in 2009 - I mean there shouldn't be one standard for your rack and one for your kids, right?! ;)

Sarah said...

Thank you for revealing the Christmas card genre for what it really is!!