The Christmas Concert Mosh Pit

Last week was the preschool's annual Christmas caroling event at the local VA rehabilitation center. Last year, my boys brought the holiday spirit to the sick and aged veterans by reenacting the Civil War during the school's rendition of "Silent Night." Much to the delight of all who were present, Kellen succumbed to a stab wound to his upper thigh during the last line of the song, and collapsed to the floor with a gigantic thud.

This year, we reviewed the rules for proper rehabilitation center behavior before getting out of the car. Everyone agreed to wear the Santa hat provided by the preschool and keep all finger muskets in their pockets.

Two songs into the show, hats and hands were still where they belonged. During the third song--"Frosty the Snowman"--I slipped into the bathroom to change Cameron's diaper. When I returned, Cortlen's hat was completely over his head and Kellen's fingers were deep inside his nostrils.

I tried to make eye contact with the two carolers, but my efforts were in vain. They only had eyes for each other. Civil War II erupted in the middle of the next song when Kellen, who was giggling uncontrollably, wiped a booger on his brother's shirt. Cortlen responded by wrestling Kellen to the ground. Before the teacher's aide could get to them, another boy decided that what was going on behind him was much more fun than singing "Where is Santa?" to the tune of "Where is Thumbkin?" and jumped in the pile too.

I wanted to make sure that I got credit for ruining two Christmas shows in a row, so the minute that the performance was over, I dragged my boys to the car and tore out of the parking lot.