December 17, 2008

Presents!


Every day, my kids ask me a million times each if they can open a present. Overwhelmed by the endless barrage of requests, I finally gave in.

"Hey! This is MY transformer!" screamed Cortlen when he opened his gift.

He looked at me like I had a screw loose. I assured him that wrapping up someone's possessions and regifting it to them was perfectly normal.

Cortlen cast an uneasy eye toward the packages under the tree.

While one son ran up to his room to take inventory of all of his earthly possessions, another threw his gift bag across the room. A pair of dirty socks tumbled out.

"That's not a present!" yelled Kellen as he pointed to the offensive object.

I explained that technically it was. Since I confiscate anything that is left on the ground after three requests to pick it up, the chance to reclaim the socks without having to do a chore was, in fact, a very valuable gift.

Kellen stomped into the playroom to write a thank you note and draw a picture of a blob with fangs.

Camber put her present back on the table. For some strange reason, she didn't want to open it.

"Open it! Open it!" I chanted, clapping my hands. I love watching people open presents. Giving makes me feel warm and tingly inside.

"I don't want to!" she said, folding her arms.

I explained that it was actually necessary for her to open her gift, which was shaped like a box of spaghetti noodles. I couldn't make dinner until she did.

48 comments

Karen said...

Jana have I told you? You are my hero. You are the wind beneath my wings!

HW said...

I just love The Meanest Mom.

Drama said...

Oh my gosh...you are so a woman after my own heart!! I am glad that there are other ladies out there that don't find things such as this incredibly unthinkable...sometimes I actually smile when my kids think I have done something unfair...a little part of me feels like I won for the day!! Glad to know their are others out there...you are hysterical!!!

Liz said...

Can you buy for my kids this year??

Likes Chocolate said...

Brillant!!!!

Renny said...

Jana, you light up my life.

Mary and Steve said...

That is the most warming Christmas tale ever!

Mom to the King and Captain said...

I love, love, love your blog. You are a genius!

Mrs. P said...

I literally just peed.

LOL.

I guess that's what happens to your bladder after having triplets...eh?

Riahli said...

perfect!

Kamity said...

My sister and I loved opening Christmas presents so much that when we were wrapping our gifts for others, we'd wrap up our own stuff and make each other open it.

I'm sure we used 3x as much wrapping paper as we should have, but it was SO much fun!

prdmommyof3 said...

GREAT idea...I'm going to wrap some of my GUNNIE BAG items now!! Ha ha hee hee. They won't know what happened to them.

You are so AWESOME!

Helen said...

Oh that is so completely fantastic! I'm putting that in the vault for when my boys are older and are bugging me to open gifts early....

Rachel said...

I'm going to start wrapping all of Ceara's crap up wehen she leaves it lay around...maybe I'll create an aversion to gifts, and won't have to buy them ever again!!!

Sarah said...

You are truly the queen! I'm so going to have to use this in the future. I can't wait.

Ash said...

Pure genius. I love this!

Makayla said...

My mom finally figured out a sort of compromise on the "can we please please please please open a gift early" thing. She wrapped all of the Christmas books (and she has MANY), and let each of us open one per day. It wasn't exactly super exciting, because we knew what it was... but it sort of worked.

Mackenzie said...

Jana, you are my hero! It seriously makes my day everytime I read your blog! Thanks much =)

Nikki said...

Good Heavens - you are amazing! Just know that most days I bow to your genius -

humbly yours - a not so meanest mom ;

P.S. Shouldn't there be an award for these kinds of things?

LindsayB said...

i just randomly found your blog and have never laughed so hard. you're hilarious! i'll be back soon for more entertainment.

Anonymous said...

Using alliteration when naming your kids is rather mean.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

Dirty socks? You mean I don't have to laundry any more until Christmas? BRILLIANT!!!

My Ice Cream Diary said...

Oh, I just had to comment to the Anonymous before me:

Annymous, are you kidding? With all the material Jana gives you here the thing you decided to be anonymous for was alliteration? Come on! Have some imagination.

Elizabeth said...

All hail the queen- the meanest mom of all. I LOVE it!

becca said...

LOL. awesome!

Courtney Cox & Megan Mullally said...

Not to nitpick, but since you did....its not illiteration. They would all have to be named starting with 'M' so they have the same consonant in their first and last name. You can still think it is mean, but at least get it right.

awsomeperson4 said...

lol you r evil jana!!!

Mlnorman said...

Oh my goodness!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your post!

I think I must be reading what my mother was thinking about 25 years ago or so. I am the older sister (13 months older) two twin brothers! I must share your blog with my mother, who will without doubt be glad its you and not her again!

NWFamilyK said...

Today I decided I had to comment -
GOD BLESS YOU for your humor and wit about everyday mundane (and not so mundane) things.

You are incredible!

I check your blog everyday (somedays I am a bit of a stalker about it)- just to be sure I have not missed a hilarious post. Thanks for bringing laughter to the routine of being a mom.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Ha ha ha! My mom used to also confiscate our stuff when we left it out, and she DID give it back to us as Christmas gifts. Seriously. My siblings and I don't yet a year go past without teasing her relentlessly about it.

Kim said...

My husband just threatened to do this very thing to our son. I love it. Oh and my mom used alliteration naming her kids too and we only needed a little therapy as adults. ;)

Aunt MeMe/Mindy said...

This is great. I think that if my kids start asking to open presents, this is exactly what I will do. That is so funny! You are the Queen! I love your blog and cannot wait to read it every day!

dori said...

This makes me feel better about threatening to eat my daughter's advent calendar chocolates as she's ramping up into a full blown hysteria over having to wear pants to school.

Bellamarin said...

HILARIOUS! U R AWESOME!Write that on your paper!

April said...

you are my new idol. and OMG three children in 8 months? you poor woman.

Rachel said...

That is quite brilliant. I think I might adore you ;-) Wonder if that would work with hubby?

BatSpit said...

I don't have kids but still, you're funny! This is an awesome blog, very amusing!

Mama Lou said...

I can't wait to implement this awesome holiday tradition!! I thank you and my children thank you.

JenniferB said...

You are hilarious! I wonder if my husband will be as understanding if I institute your rule and then he opens a box with all of his underroos inside, another with all of his dirty socks, and a third with his stinky farm clothes in them? I'll have to leave those boxes for "santa" to put out on christmas morning though, since his "gifts" would stink up my entire house.

Jaime Theler said...

HILARIOUS! I am so doing that.

Rebecca Talley said...

You are my hero.

I numbered all the presents this year and won't tell my kids what their numbers are--it's driving them nuts. But, you topped that. You're a genius.

Tristi Pinkston said...

You totally rock!

I actually don't put our presents under our tree. We have a four year old who would get into them (and I'm sure the other kids would, too) so they're under the clothes in my closet. But I sure do like the way you think!

Janette Rallison said...

I can't tell you how often I have threatened to do this to my children. In fact, my husband picked things off their bedroom floors and we didn't give them back for two weeks (and then they had to pay us ten cents for each item.)

Even though each child paid us about 4.50, they still seemed to have plenty to wear, which tells me they have way too many clothes.

dddiva said...

LMAO too funny- I will show the little diva's this when they say I am mean. ;)
So glad I found your blog- Loving it. Going to add you to faves.

Christine said...

I found your blog since you were nominated for the Scholastic award and I went back to read your old posts. I have been laughing out loud for an hour. You are what I strive to be in life! This is beyond hilarious. Along with the Christmas craft entry.

Anonymous said...

best...christmas...ever

Tara said...

That is hysterical! I think I have to start wrapping some "gifts" myself!!
Tara
www.secretsofamomaholic.com

Jessica said...

I had to find this post again after watching the latest Jimmy Kimmel video making the rounds on Facebook, where he told parents to tell their kids they could open one present early and to make the gifts terrible. The video of their kids' reactions is hilarious, but my first thought was that you were way ahead of your time. Or at least way ahead of Mr. Kimmel