March 5, 2009
Way Better Than Martha Stewart
Do you like my new table centerpiece?
Do you want to make one? Here's how:
1. Give each of your children an apple for an afternoon snack.
2. Shrug your shoulders and tell them to "take it or leave it" when they accuse you of injecting poison into the fruit, Snow White stepmother-style.
3. Go outside to get the mail while your furious offspring decide who is going to say something that they will live regret when you return.
4. When you come back inside, two of your children will have recovered from the insult of being given a healthy snack and will be eating their apples. The third child will be sitting in his chair with a smug smile on his face.
5. Ask the fruitless child, "Where is your apple?"
6. He will tell you that he ate it.
7. Ask him if he is telling the truth.
8. He will say "yes."
9. Ask him if the apple tasted good.
10. He will say that it did.
11. Dig the apple out of the trash can (it will be buried under a thick stack of unused paper towels and napkins) and act confused when you hold it up and say, "Weird?! This looks just like YOUR apple."
12. Your son will look you in the eye and tell you that he really and truly consumed his whole apple--including the stem, core, and seeds--in the 45 seconds that you were outside getting the mail.
13. Smile sweetly and retrieve a beautiful vase/cake plate/ from your kitchen closet. Position the apple atop so that looks good from all angles.
14. Leave the centerpiece in place until the apple rots or your son confesses, which ever comes first.
Of course YOUR kids don't throw food away when you're not looking and lie about it. But I'm sure you have at least one "friend" who has kids that do. Do tell!
Have you voted yet? If not, please consider! I appreciate all of you who have posted links on your blogs, written about it on Facebook, and spread the word to your friends. I really, really, really appreciate it.