April 28, 2009

This One is For the Diseased

Spring does not look kindly upon those with autoimmune diseases. Perhaps it is because of the changing seasons, or maybe it's because of the finicky weather, but for whatever reason, the spring months usually bring with them a host of aches and pains that for many, including myself, settle in the bones and joints.

I've been waking up stiff and sore for months now. One morning last week, I woke up to find that I couldn't open my left hand.

"Look!" I said, jabbing my husband with my new club.
"That's very impressive," he said and put the pillow over his head.

Getting the kids ready for school proved to be a challenge. Everyone poured their own cereal which resulted in a volcano of Honeycomb the size of Mount St. Helens.

"That's enough!" I yelled and swatted the box of cereal out of my son's hands with such force that its contents sprayed across the kitchen floor.

There are certain advantages to having one's hand curled permanently into a claw.

After breakfast, I called my next door neighbor Sandy, who has severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and a hot tub that I covet. When she didn't pick up the phone, I sauntered over to her house and pounded on her door. To preserve my status as the most sickly neighbor, it was imperative that she see my claw.

"I know you're in there!" I called. No answer.

It was lunchtime before Sandy made an appearance. I practically tripped over myself running outside to greet her.

"Where were you this morning?" I wanted to know.

That's when Sandy told me that her knees were so stiff that her husband had to lift her out of bed. Later in the morning, she got on the toilet only to find that she couldn't get herself off of it.

After hearing about Sandy's morning, I put away my claw and slouched back home, defeated.

How, after all, am I supposed to compete with that?

***
To my fellow diseased readers: I hope you're hanging in there. Summer is almost here.!

34 comments

TheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras said...

Isn't weather a horrible reason to feel miserable. There's no way to avoid it. My chronic migraines don't like spring either--but at least I don't have claws, I guess. Hope your claw goes away soon!

Lindy said...

I've never heard of "keeping up with the Jones diseases" - lol!

HW said...

But...but...if your hand won't open, you won't be able to blog, and that's a tragedy for all of us.

Ditto on The Queen's migraine issue. Except surely minue are worse....

WackyMummy said...

Sucks to be "not quick sick enough", eh? ;) Hope you're better soon. What would we do if you couldn't blog with your claw???

The Glovers said...

When I had my daughter, the epidural rose too quickly and right after my unplanned c-section, I too had a claw! They plopped her in my arms and I almost dropped her because I had no movement on my left side. Eventually after seeing a neurosurgeon who called HIS boss because he had never seen this before, I was able to move my arm (days later). Sometimes when my fiance and I fight about who's turn it is, my claw suddenly attacks...

April said...

OHHHHH i hope you feel better soon! i have a sister with lupus who also suffers this time of year. healing thoughts are headed your way!!!

Anonymous said...

I love your post today! I too have 4 kids 6 and under. I also have Crohn's disease (with horrible joint pain right now), and a neighbor (and close friend) with Rheumatoid Arthritis. We are always comparing our diseases, meds and wonderful side effects.!

Kathryn said...

Ah yes. I suffer from Crohn's as well, and being here in Maine does not help the joints at all this time of year. I feel like I waddle down the hall as if I am 80 (I'm really 39- I swear!).

My saving grace- it is supposed to be 80 degrees today. :)

Sarah's blog... and I guess our newlywed blog that I update like twice a year. said...

JANA! Thank you so much for this post!!! I laughed so hard when I read it. I had claws this morning too. This post really is helping me look on the bright side of things! You are truly an inspiration!!

Nana said...

I hope for your sake that summer arrives quickly and your aches and pains are alleviated!

Great post, you're ability to keep your sense of humor through your pain is amazing!

Blessings of Health and Prosperity said...

Hi Jana, I look forward to reading your blog every day! You have a very quirky sense of humor. I like it! I can relate to "the claw" I used to have a claw every morning until I could get my joints loosened up! I was miserable. I usually don't promote products in blog comments, but I would like to suggest to you Vemma Nutritional Supplement. On a scale of 1-10 my pain has gone from an 8 to 1 or 2 since I started taking Vemma. The anti-inflammatory properties in Vemma are amazing. I really didn't expect any relief from my pain, I started taking it for high cholesterol, the pain relief was a huge perk! Read my Blessings of Health and Prosperity Blog for a little more insight. I feel bad even mentioning it, but it really could help you. Til tomorrow...Blessings, Celene

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Oh, you're hilarious. I like the way you look at things. I tend to feel like a hypochondriac and not tell anyone. I've never thought of competing with my neighbors! ;o) Although, you have perked my nosy curiosity about what your health problem is....

Shannen&Makena said...

You crack me up! I do kind of the same thing by throwing my infertility in if someone is complaining about something (usually financial) and tell them that I have spent over $38,000 trying to build a family! Usually shuts them up pretty quick about their $40 complaint. He he he!

Angie said...

My Crohn's always goes into remission when I'm pregnant, so this spring has been nice! Now if only I could use that remedy EVERY year - ha.

Diane said...

I hope you are feeling better. Spring is my favorite season, but I suffer because of my allergies.

MissMVK said...

Could you please use your club/claw to pound out the giant crick in my neck that is causing me to have yet another springtime migraine? Man, pressure change is a you-know-what to us all! Hope you feel better soon.

Malea said...

Not saying one word about myself. You totally win.

Kristine Gray said...

I like to throw in my gluten intolerance, endo, $100K spent at the fertility clinic and the fact their ailment was covered by insurance.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I bed my kids think I should have a claw on most days, to match my charming monster personality. Of course, I don't have the excuse of any health issues, I'm just a jerk.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Um, that should have been BET, not bed. Didn't want any of your readers to report me to some organization for sketchy parents.

Adam, Lynsie and Tristan! said...

You are seriously my hero right now! I am getting my first colonoscopy in two weeks... (while doing the lapro surgery for my endo the doc saw some serious inflamation along my intestines) My husband has a parter at the firestation whos wife has Crohns. It sounds awefully challenging. I think you are amazing and adorable and inspiring. You have such a positive attitude and seem to choose to focus on the good things you have in life. That is so AMAZING! Thank you, for being such a good example to me!

Ellizabeth said...

Yeah, I told another mom that I was serving fruit salad w/cake at my kid's birthday party because I had a heart attack in January. She replied "I was supposed to have a hysterectomy this week but it got postponed". Immediately I feel like a healthy doofus!

Mamawags said...

amen from the R.A. sufferers out there like me... we need that warm weather. Now!!

Melissa and Brandon said...

Thank you for this post. My sister has severe arthritis. Her inability to walk without hobbling has warded off all the decent, marriagable men in the world. The saddest part is that she was told she wouldn't be able to have kids due to her bones fusing together along with other factors. She's been a 1st grade teacher for 15 years so that's the closest she'll get to motherhood, I suppose. Thank you for your great sense of humor with a not-so-funny condition. You are inspiring.

mom24orsinis said...

I just had to comment and tell you how terribly funny and accurate you are about the reality of 4 kids!!! My good friend, Kim, at CapeBags on Etsy, directed me to your site and it's like a vacation for me...I'm beginning to develop an imagainary friendship...like when I come to your blog, I'm actually at your house saying "I know! Me too...3rd time I've unplugged the toilet today!"

So, thank you for sharing your unending humor! And, I too am plagued this Spring with the adult onset seasonal allergies...my kids love pulling the tissues out of my nose!

BrianandCasey said...

My migraines certainly hate the spring weather. My poor boyfriend was hit by an F-350 hauling a trailer while he was in a small tacoma 5 and a half years ago, and he could barely get out of bed this morning because his joints were so sore and painful. It's so sad to watch him get up and get around.

I hope you are feeling better soon!

Jeanette said...

Your sense of humor is priceless. What a gift to be able to laugh through your trials. I hope you, and your neighbor feel better soon.

Hillori said...

You made me think of a CD we have....think kids music... Buzz Lightyear... little green aliens singing "The Claw"...

I so enjoy your posts and the sense of reality....

Personal Experiences and Rants on Navigating my way through America’s Healthcare system said...

I love your post, you are an excellent writer! You made me laugh out loud, thanks! Be well.

zelzee said...

I couldn't live without my Aspercreme...............

Mandy and Alex said...

I know this may sound a little wacky but when I'm feeling like the Tin Man left out in the rain, I take 1 Tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar with 8 oz of water two times a day and by the very next day I can feel a HUGE difference. Maybe it will help a bit.

Sarah's blog... and I guess our newlywed blog that I update like twice a year. said...

Jana,
I know I've already commented, but I'm commenting again. I would LOVE if you could post stuff like this once in a while. You have such a gift for staying positive and then sharing your escapades with us. I know you Moms everywhere look to you as an example of finding the funny side of things... and I know us diseased, clawed sickies would really benefit from more posts like this!

JJthe1st said...

Yep!

Anonymous said...

i too am one of those blessed with Crohn's, after taking my Humira shot one night I woke up with a "claw" and numb right arm/hand, when it was time for shot #2, the next morning my left arm/hand became a "claw" for NINE MONTHS-double radial nerve palsy....but of course "numbness & tingling are expected side effects" glad yours didn't last that long!!
love your blog
Amy