May 8, 2009

Counting Eclairs

Tonight is our elementary school's annual Mother's Day Tea Party. My neighbor and partner-in-crime Tina and I signed up to be co- hostesses. With this honor comes the responsibility of decorating a table and providing (and I'm quoting from memory one of the 23,000 emails that I have received from Suzanne, the event coordinator, over the past three weeks) "an experience that twelve party guests will never forget."

People don't usually forget the parties I host, but not for the reasons Suzanne implied. At the last party I threw (for the women in my church), I unwittingly made a guest cry by telling her that it was inappropriate to take half of a cake home to her husband.

For obvious reasons, it was decided that Tina's hostessing duties will include engaging our table guests in polite small talk; my job is to avoid making facial expressions and any noises that may be interpreted as Morse Code or a death moan. I have also been asked not to count the number of eclairs each guest consumes, nor am I allowed to say the words "Swine Flu."

"If you don't like people, why did you sign up to be a hostess?" Tina asked me yesterday, as we hot glued plastic flowers to ribbon napkin ring holders.

I responded that I like people just fine; it's being in large groups of them that is hard for me.

"Would counting eclairs help alleviate some of your anxiety?" Tina asked me, rolling her eyes.

"Yes," I replied. "And maybe one small allusion to pigs."

I'll let you know how it goes. Now excuse me while I go make/buy the eclairs that I'm going to be counting from 6-8pm tonight.

Today's mom--D0lores from Texas--was nominated by her sister Marisol.
Here are her stats:
* mom of FOUR young boys
* wife to one awesome hubby
* garbage disposal just went out
* substitute teacher (I substituted for a middle school class once. Never again).
* mom of FOUR young boys
* washing machine just broke
*mom of FOUR young boys (check out the little guy in front of his mom! I am loving it!)

As a mom to 4 boys, D0lores' house must, at times, smell less than fresh. Boys are awesome, but many refuse to shower when necessary (I know from experience). Thanks to consultant/distributor Selena Livingstone, D0lores will be getting some much needed help in the form of a non-toxic, eco-friendly Get Clean Starter Kit from Shaklee valued at $160!

Featured on Oprah's Favorite Things Show, this kit includes bottles of super concentrated dish washing soap, kitchen and bathroom cleaners, laundry detergent, window cleaner...and more. In addition to saving tons of water, the kit replaces replaces 830 bottles or boxes of conventional ready-to-use cleaning products. Gotta love that!

Dolores will also receive a free one-year membership for Shaklee U.S. valued at $19.00.
Everyone else can enter one of Shaklee's monthly drawing for $200 worth of
products at

In addition, Dolores will also receive a special WICKLESS CANDLE gift set from SCENTSY . The only thing that stinks (to use an appropriate pun) about these candles is that they remove the fire hazard and thus half the fun of having candles in a home with small children.

D0lores' gift set includes one Plug-In Warmer and one Scentsy Bar of her choice from Scentsy Superstar consultant Lori Hall. FYI: Scentsy offers 45 beautiful deluxe warmers, 12 plug-in warmers and over 80 scentsational scents available in wax bars, room sprays and car candles. All of their candles are wickless, flameless, smokeless, and lead-free! Who knew such a thing was possible?

Come back tomorrow. I've got one more spotlight!


Ashi and Rami's Ima said...

"If you don't like people, why did you sign up to be a hostess?"
My dear husband asks me variations on this question every week. I don't have a nice answer like you do - I pretty much always just shrug.

Oh, and for what it's worth? You're right. It IS inappropriate to take half a cake home to your husband. Bake your own, lady.

Becca said...

*snicker* Swine flu.

Good luck with those eclairs.

soapymomponders said...

LOL! You crack me up. Half a cake or half the leftovers - I've seen it all go out the door to family members who were too sick to come to a function. Nah... I think they're just providing someone else's home cooked meal to their family. Oh well, leftovers have a shelf life of about one week here, at which point I toss them to the great garbage disposal being.

Christa said...

I get asked the same thing all the time...the difference is that I am the queen of parties. I can plan a party that no one will forget, bu tI'm usually the one who ends up crying because I've stressed over every little thing and someone goes and "ruins it for everyone" it's typically my mother in law who does that.
So my reason when my husband ask me is... because I'm good at it, that's why, now leave me alone.

And counting eclairs would make me feel better too.

Lindy said...

hahaha...large groups don't bother me, it's large groups of women that make me want to die. :)

Anonymous said...

This cracked me up - seriously a "party they'll never forget." Mother's day teas are always fun - in fact I'm leaving for one in about 15 min. but it's about time with my kid. What pressure!! I wouldn't blame you if you snapped and "accidentally" mentioned something about pigs and the flu :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the wonderful morning laugh. I hate going to functions with large groups of people because I make smart ass remarks to I generally end up shoving food down my face instead.
I can't WAIT to hear how it all turns out.

Karen said...

I ALWAYS count how much food people bring home. It amazes me that the people with the most money are always the ones scoffing all the leftovers.

Anonymous said...

watch out for the ladies with the big know, the ones who bring their own zip locks. lol

Rupper Family said...

I wouldn't bother lying about bringing the cake home to my husband, but I would shamelessly sit down and eat that cake all by myself AT the function. Maybe I'd mention that I myself may or may not have some ailment, possibly the swine flu so that everyone would back away.

Kelly said...

You could always bring up Twilight instead

janaemadsen said...

I was wondering if you could bring me about 20 eclairs for me and my husband. I am pregnant after all.
Now if they had only asked for the chicken...

Kathryn Sparks said...

I am still laughing at Delores' family photo. Did you notice that the kid in the red shirt looks like he is about to DIE ANY SECOND!! And Grandpa has his hand around the back of the other kids neck holding his head up! LOL!! I think in addition to all of the stuff she gets, she deserves an eye mask and ear plugs so that she can sit in the bath and smell her scentsy candle and not be able to see or hear any chaos!

Good luck counting the eclairs! I think that you should let the "guests" know that they were freshly made and shipped from a great pig farm in Mexico! They make the best eclairs!! Enjoy! =)

Jaded Jennifer said...

Wickless candles may remove the fire hazard but they can still be a hazard when you have small children around. I speak from experience, having had my daughter, at the age of 18 months, pick one up and proceed to DRINK the hot wax. Of course, she then choked on it as it solidified in her throat and we had to flip her upside down and pound her on the back to get it out. That was a fun day.

You should definitely do more giveaways like this. I may not have 4 boys, but I DO have 3 boys, and also 3 girls. Plus, 3 of my 6 kids are teenagers and in case you're not aware, teenagers were invented by the devil.

JLPierce Ohana said...

I'm enjoying your blogs and the new "mom of the day" feature! I'm sure I could use a lot of advice from someone like her- 3 months until we're a family with 4 boys!

Leslie said...

You always crack me up. I would seriously love to meet you in real life but alas I know I shall never be so lucky. Instead I will have to just continue to stalk your site. Thanks for all the smiles!

Kristi said...

Your posts are hilarious, I usually read them surrounded by screaming kids. I think that makes them even more amusing.

Marisol Avendano Avila said...

Thanks again for picking my sister! You are a blessing to us all! :)

franticallysimple said...

If someone took too many eclairs at my party, I'd make some allusions to pigs too.

Amalie said...

I have two boys and I think I'd die with 3. Any mom with 4 young boys deserves some free stuff for sure!

Kat said...

I'm dying to know how many eclairs everyone ate!